IS YOUR GUT LEADING- OR MISLEADING YOU?

One's Emotions Can Be Helpful In Pointing The Way Toward Love- Or As
Unreliable As A Broken Compass Whose Needle Points In Only One
Direction. That's Because Lots Of Things Influence Ouq Feelings.
Sometimes They Are Based On Logic. Sometimes They Are Influenced By
Fear. Sometimes We Can't Pinpoint The Reason, But We Just Have A
Nagging Sense About Something Or Someone•
In Your Dating Decisions, How Much Credence Should You Give To These
Gut Feelings? There's No Ironclad Answer For Every Person And Every
Circumstance. But As You're Trying To Figure Out How To Decipher That
Small Inner Nudge, Here Are Some Important Questions To Ask Yourself:
1• ARE MY GUT INSTINCTS IN LINE WITH MY LOGIC?
If Your Intuition And YOUR Rational Thinking Are Telling You The Same
Thing, You Probably Have Nothing To Worry About. That's Because When
All The Arrows Are Pointing The Same Direction, It's Pretty Clear
Which Way To Head. But When It Comes To Love And Romance, Things Are
Usually More Complicated Than That. It Might Be That You Are Wrestling
With The Idea Of Following A Third Arrow- Which Is What You Want To
Do, Even If Your Gut And Your Brain Are Assuring You It's A Horrible
Idea. If This Is The Case, Resist The Urge To Ignore What Your
Intuition And Your Brain Are Telling You•
2• ARE MY GUT FEELINGS FEAR-BASED?
If This Turns Out To Be The Case, That Doesn't Mean They're Wrong And
You Shouldn't Follow Them. But It Might Mean You Should Take Them With
A Grain Of Salt. Dig A Little Deeper. Is Your Fear Based On Actual
Danger, Or Is It Fueled By Old Baggage You've Yet To Unpack And
Unload? Sometimes What Seems Like Your Gut Talking Can Actually Be Old
Hurts And Wounds Getting Vocal. If So, Some Healing, Therapy, Prayer,
Or Straight Talk With Yourself Might Be In Order•
3• ARE MY GUT FEELINGS CONSISTENT OVERTIME?
Sometimes We Put Emotions On The Back Burner. Our Intuition Is Talking
To Us, But There's No Immediate Danger Or Need For A Quick Decision,
So We Give Things Time To See If Future Events Confirm Or Recalibrate
Our Instincts. But If That Nagging Small Voice Has Been Consistently
Giving The Same Warning For A While Now, It's Wise You Take Heed•

4• ARE MY GUT FEELINGS SAYING THE SAME THING AS CLOSE FRIENDS AND
FAMILY WHO KNOW ME WELL, AND WHOSE OPINION I RESPECT?

If So, It Adds Credence To The Intuition You May Be Trying To Dismiss.
Pay Close Attention When Your Intuition And People You Trust Are
Speaking In Unison•

5• AM I IN DENIAL?

It's Easy To Develop Blind Spots When Our Emotions Are Focused On The
Possibility Of Lasting Love. Still, Most Of Us Know The Stubborn Truth
Down Deep, Though We May Be Unwilling To Admit It To Ourselves Or
Anyone Else. Ask Yourself Honestly If You're Fighting Your Intuition,
Even If Somewhere Inside You Know It's Spot On•

6• WHAT KIND OF TRACK RECORD DO MY GUT FEELINGS HAVE?

Flip Through The Pages Of Your Memory And Consider The Times Your
Intuition Has Kicked In. Did You Follow Your Feelings Too Quickly And
Later Regret Your Haste? Or Did You Ignore Your Intuition And Wish You
Had Listened Instead? The Past Won't Necessarily Tell You Exactly What
You Should Do This Time Around, But It Will Indictate If Your
Intuition Is Typically Reliable.

Sometimes Circumstances Disprove Our Initial Gut Feelings. Sometimes
We Need Time To Admit To Ourselves That Our Intuition Was Right All
Along. But By Asking Ourselves Questions Like These, We Can Often
Hasten The Process Of Figuring Out Whether Our Gut Is Just Chattering
Or Providing Wise Counsel•

GETTING TO KNOW A MAN YOU MET ONLINE

One Of The Most Common Questions I Get Asked About Online Dating Is
What To Do To Get To Know And Attract A Man Through The Things You Say
In E-Mails Or Phone Calls In Order To Create Interest Before You Meet
In Person.

Ok, Let's Say You "Meet" A Man Online And Start To Correspond With Him
On A Daily Basis. He's Intelligent, Charming, Attractive And Has A Lot
Going For Him In General. You Have Fun Communicating With Him And
Make Sure To Do And Say Things That Would Help Determine If He's The
Right Guy And Capture His Attention If He Is.

But Then It Happens...

Out Of The Blue He Stops Writing Or Calling And You're Left Feeling
Confused And Disappointed Because Out Of All Your Matches, This Guy
Was The One You Were Most Excited About Meeting. This Is Never A Fun
Feeling. How Can You Get To Know The Right Man Online And Do It In A
Way That Increases The Chances You'll Keep Him Attracted From The
First "Hello" All The Way Through A First Date... And Beyond?

GET CLEAR ON WHAT ONLINE DATING IS FOR:

First Of All, I Want To Make A Distinction About What I Believe Online
Dating Is. Online Dating Is A Great Way To Get Introduced And To
Qualify Men Who Share Your Interests And Values, For The Purpose Of
Seeing If There Is Spark Enough There To Meet In Person.

A Few E-Mails, Phone Calls, And Text Messages Are A Kind Of Virtual
"Flirting." There Is No Real Relationship Yet In The Man's Mind.
Therefore, If You've Been Talking To A Man Online For A Little While
(Weeks Or Months) And He Suddenly Stops Writing Or Takes Longer To
Write You Back, Don't Take It Too Personally.

The Key Here Is Not To Overanalyze Why. There Is No Rhyme Or Reason
For Why A Man Will Do This, And Trying To Figure It Out Will Not Only
Drive You Crazy, But You'll Inadvertently Give Off A "Vibe" That Won't
Help You. As Disappointing As It May Feel, It's Best To Just Move On.
My Quick Tip Is To Qualify With A Phone Conversation First, Then Meet
A Guy For A Low-Pressure Or Fun "Get To Know Each Other" Event. This
Can And Will Save You Time, Energy And Confusion.

But There's More To It Than Just This....

THE DANGER OF THE "INSTANT CONNECTION"

When You Start Talking To A Man Online It's Easy To Get Addicted To
The Feeling Of Emotional Connection When You "Click" With Him And
You're Both Sharing Personal, Intimate Things About Yourselves With
Each Other.

For Some Women, Talking To A Man Online Can Be The Only Recent
Experience Of Dating Someone Their Own Age And Feeling Comfortable
With It. Becareful Here. Don't Make The Mistake Of Thinking That You
Ability To Share And Connect Will Translate Well When You Meet In
Person. He May Not Act Or Talk The Same Way That He Writes. You May
Not Feel As Comfortable With Him In Person As You Do Online, Or Feel
The Same Chemistry.

HOW TO STAND OUT AND BE UNIQUELY ATTRACTIVE:

When You're Moving Through The Steps Of Getting To Know A Man Online,
You Want To Communicate That You're Having Fun And Enjoying Yourself,
Without Pushing Toward The Next Step. If A Man Is Interested, He'll Be
Asking For Your Number Or Working Toward Setting Up A First Date.

You Want To Avoid Asking Him If He's Open To Having A Relationship
With You (He Isn't Thinking That Yet), Or Trying To Get Him To Approve
Of The Way You Look Or The Type Of Woman That You Are.

One Of The Most Common And Unattractive Things That Men Experience
Over And Over Online And In Their Dating Life Are Women Who Are
Constantly Seeking Approval Or Jumping Into "Relationship Mode" Too
Quickly. If You Want To Be Uniquely Attractive, It's Important To
Avoid Doing Thisඅ

ARE YOU SETTLING?

If You Find Yourself Focusing On What's Missing In Your Relationship,
Struggle Constantly With Wishing Your Partner Were Different, And Feel
Pressured To Change Who You Are Because It Makes Things Run Smoothly,
You Could Be Settling For A Partner Who Is, Simply Put, Not A Great
Match For You. In Healthy, Happy And Lasting Relationships There Are
Significant Similarities That Both Partners Share, And Without
Aligning Relatively Well In These Areas, Most Relationships Are Headed
For Undue Hardship And Unhappiness•
The Key To Dating Well Is To Know Yourself And Your Partner Deeply
Enough To Be Able To Accurately Observe The Ways That You Interact
From The Beginning Stages Of The Relationship's Development. The
Feeling Of New Love Is Like Nothing Else, But If You Are Completely
Swept Away In Emotion To The Point That You Are Ignoring Obvious
Incompatibilities, You Might Find That Months And Maybe Even Years
Down The Road That You Feel "CHEATED" In Your Relationship. By
Ignoring The Following Seven Similarities You Could Be Missing Out On
A Much More Satisfying And Happy Relationship•
1අ SPIRITUAL HARMONY:
Although Not Always Referring To Religious Affiliation, Spiritual
Harmony Refers To A Shared Perception Of God Or A Higher Power As Well
As How Much Weight Spiritual Belief Weighs In On Your Life. It Is
About The Relationship Of Spirituality In Your Life. If You Are
Religious Or Very Spiritual And Your Partner Has A Very Low Level,
There May Be Problems, Especially If Marriage And Children Follow•
2අ DESIRE FOR VERBAL INTIMACY AND ABILITY TO BE INTIMATE:
Intimacy Is What Romantic Relationships Are All About-Emotional
Intimacy, Mental Intimacy, Physical Intimacy, And For Many Spiritual
Intimacy. A Committed, Monogamous Relationship Is A Special Union In
Which You Can Share The Most Intimate Sides Of Yourself And So Can
Your Partner With You. As Part Of Sharing This Intimacy, There Are
Three Key Factors: The Ability To Express, And The Ability To Listen
Well. Beyond Those Skills, Both Partners Must Have Mutual Desire To
Get To Know The Other On All Of These Levels. LOVE Is A Total Package,
And One That Must Be Wanted Equally By Both Parties•
3අ ENERGY LEVEL:
The Energy Level Of A Person May Sound Like Something Simple, But It
Can Affect Many Things About A Person, Including Other Key
Similarities Partners Should Share Such As Ambition Level, Interests
And Personal Habits. If The Disposition Of Your Partner Is More
Low-Key And Your Disposition Is All About High Energy Wave Making, You
CaN Be Sure That There Will Be Future Problems To Contend With-You'll
Want To Go, Go, Go, And Your Partner Will Feel Pressured And May Even
Pressure You To Slow Down, Down, Down•
4අ AMBITION LEVEL:
Differences In Ambition Levels Can Wreak Havoc In Relationships
Because Work And Achievement Is Such A Large Part Of Our Culture, And
Work In Most Cases Is Necessary For Survival. Those Who Are Highly
Goal-Driven Will Have A Hard Time Understanding Why Their Partner
Seems To Be "Aimless" Or Is Not Interested In Accomplishing Anything,
When To Their Partner, They May Seem Like They Never Take Time To Stop
And Simply Enjoy Life For What It Is. And Yet, Life For What It Is To
The Ambitious Is Work And Achievement. Therefore, Ambition Level Is
Best When Relatively Similar•
5අ ROLE EXPECTATION:
Not Just About Traditional Roles Of Who Stays Home And Who Works, Role
Expectations Can Involve Everything From Who Does Particular Household
Tasks Such As Shopping And Taking Out The Trash To Who Pays On A Date
To How A Person Should Dress. Role Expectations Should Be Similar And
Compatible. It Is Not So Important What The Roles Chosen Are, But That
Both PartnerS Enjoy And Are Happy With Mutual Expectations That
Partners Have For Each Other•

6අ INTERESTS:

Relationships Are Built On Love, Attraction, Compatibility And A
History Of Shared Experiences. Interests Help To Create Those Shared
Experiences That Become Memories Of Happy Moments Spent Together.
Looking Back, Participating In Particular Interests Becomes Evidence
Of The Good Times And Love That You Have Shared. While All Interests
Do Not Have To Be The Same, And Partners Can Introduce Really
Enjoyable Independent Interests, The Major Ones Should Be Relatively
Similar. If Your Idea Of A Saturday Involves A Beach Chair And A Great
New Bestselling Book, But Your Partner Is More Into Hiking, Biking And
Rock Climbing On His Days Off, Or Your Partner's Idea Of Riveting
Entertainment Is Rental Movies And Take Out On A Saturday Night But
You're Already Dressed And Ready To Go Out To Paint The Town Red, You
May Want To Reconsider Whether Your Interest Aligns Enough For A
Long-Term Relationship•

7අ PERSONAL HABITS:

Personal Habit Are Often Overlooked During The "Honeymoon Stage" Of
Any Relationship. In Fact, Even Some Of The Most Off-Putting Habits
Later Declared As Near-Deal-Breakers Are Even Regarded As "CUTE" Or
Endearing. Whether Or Not Your Partner Is On Time Or Runs Chronically
Late, Is Clean Or Messy, Is Responsible Financially Or Plays Things
More "Loose"- All These Personal Habits Come Into Play. Additionally,
Habits Like Weight Management Or Fitness Activity Level Are Equally
Important. There May Be Other Personal Habits That Particularly
Resonate With You As Being Unacceptable-Make Sure You Watch Out For
Them Agree To Come To Terms With Them; Most Times Habits Are Hard To
Break And Even Harder When They're Not Likely To CHANGE•

DO YOU KNOW WHAT YOU'RE LOOKING FOR?

<@>Greatmindz<@>™

So The Last Guy You Dated Turned Out To Be A Self-Centered Jerk Who
Ended Up Cheating On You While You Were Making Plans To Move In With
Him As A Prelude To Marriage. This Time You Are Not Going To Settle
For Less, And The Good News Is That The Guy You Just Started Dating
Has Everything You're Looking For:

1• Nice Guy. Check.
2• Well Built. Check.
3• Intelligent. Check.
4• Successful. Check.
5• Good Looking. Check.
6• Age Appropriate. Check.
7• Religiously Compatible. Check.
8• Wants To Get Married And Have Kids. Check.

After A Three-Week Courtship, He Even Asks You To Be His Girlfriend
And Says He Wants To Have A Committed And Monogamous Relationship With
You. Fantastic! You Say Yes Amid High Hopes That He Could Be The One
You've Been Looking For, The One With Whom You Can Finally Settle
Down.

And There You Are The Following Weekend, Sitting Next To Him On His
Couch The Entire Day Watching Football With His Friends Before Going
Out On The Boat To Be Surrounded By A Large Group Of People.

Yawn.

What Happened?

What Happened Is That You Were So Eager To Find Someone- And SO
Focused On The External Checlist- That You Forgot Some Important
Items:

1• Emotionally Available.
2• Wants To Spend Time Alone With You.
3• Enjoys One-On-One Conversations.

The First Item Is A Reccuring Theme In All My Columns And I Could
Write A Whole Book About It (Actually, I Did). But The Last Two Are
Just As Important And Not As Obvious. And All Three Of Them Boil Down
To Whether This IS A Person Who Even Knows How To Have A Deeper
Relationship.

You Might Ask Yourself The Same Questions. Are You Emotionally
Available? Do You Want To Spend Time Alone With Your Partner? Are You
Comfortable With One-On-One Conversation?

Bottom Line Is That You Need To Be Careful What You Wish For.

Put Another Way, Make Sure You're Precise Enough When You Put Your
Order In With The Universe. Because The Universe Is Very Literal And
Has A Very Ironic Sense Of Humour.

You May Just Get All The Qualities You Asked For. And None Of The Ones
You Didn't.

Have You Thought About What's Most Important To You In A Partner?

HOW DO YOU KNOW IF YOUR JEALOUSY HAVE GONE TOO FAR?

<@>Greatmindz<@>™
Jealousy Will Make You Crazy. When You Are In Its Grip The Feeling Is
Almost Unbearable. It Can Make You Physically Sick And Unable To Focus
On Anything Else. Jealousy Will Compel You To Do Things You Will Later
Regret And You Can Never Take Back. Jealousy Can Single Handedly
Destroy A Good Relationship•
If You Have A Boyfriend Or Husband That Openly Flirts With Other Women
Or Whom You Know Is Cheating, You Would Have To Be Made Of Stone Not
To Feel Hurt And Betrayed. Here Jealousy Is A Natural Response. But
When Jealousy Is Self-Created, Unrelated To Reality, It Acts Like A
Poison That Takes Over Your Life AND Destroys Your Self-Esteem. The
Jealousy I'm Refering To Is Based On Fear, Not On Fact, A Green
Monster That You Create Out Of Your Own Imagination•
I Have Worked With Many Women Who Make Excuses For Their Jealous
Behaviour. They Try To Justify The Actions They Take When They Spy On
Their Men As If They Are Not Responsible For Their Jealousy. But The
Truth Is Jealousy Feels Bad. It Is Unattractive And Kills The LOVE In
A Relationship.
HAS YOUR JEALOUSY GONE TOO FAR?
It Has If:
1• You Find Yourself Constantly Checking Up On Your Man's Facebook Or
Twitter Page.
2• You Can't Stop Yourself From Checking His Call History And
Listening To His Phone Messages Behind His Back
3• You Constantly Call Or Text Him During The Day Just To Find Out Where He Is.
If You Said Yes To Even One Of These Questions, You Are In Trouble.
When You Start Messing Around In Your Man's Personal Business, You
Have Lost Control Of Your Dignity And Your Pride. Your Relationship
Now Lacks One Of The Most Important Qualities It Needs To Thrive
Trust. Even If He Gives You A Reason To Be Suspicious, You Are Still
Responsible For How You Behave In The Relationship.
So What Can You Do To Get Rid Of The Jealousy That Is Sucking The
Energy And Happiness Out Of Your Life? yOU Have To Attack Jealousy At
Its Root. Jealousy Is About How You Feel About You More Than How Your
Man Feels About You. If You Find Yourself Obsessing On His Life And
What He's Doing It's A Sure Sign You Are Not Paying Attention To Your
Own.

If You Think Your Man Is More Interested In Other Women Than He Is In
You, It Can Mean You Think They Are More Worthy Of His Interest Than
You Are. If You Are Attracted To Your Man, You Will Believe That Other
Women Are As Well And That Can Be Scary, Especially If You Doubt Your
Own Value. You Can Find Yourself In A Downward Spiral Where It Seems
Every Other Woman Is More Attractive And More Interesting Than You
Are. By This Time You Have Lost Yourself.

SO HOW DO YOU CHANGE YOUR IRRATIONAL FEELINGS OF JEALOUSY?

You Have To Take Your Eyes Off Him And Start To Work On You. It's
Important That You Face The Challenge Of Taking Control Of Yourself
Before It Destroys Your Chance For Love.

Take Positive Actions That Will Increase Your Feelings Of Self-Worth.
The Only Way To Feel Good About You Is By Doing Things That Make You
Feel Proud; That Bring You Self-Respect. That Is The Exact Opposite Of
What You Have Been Doing. It Feels Terrible To Snoop And Sneak Into
Someone Else's Life. Negative Actions Bring With Them Negative
Emotions, So You End Up Feeling Guilt, Remorse And Shame•

Your Feeling About Your Man Will Always Be A Reflection Of How You
Feel About You. IF You Don't Trust Yourself You Can't Trust The Man In
Your Life If You Cannot Love Yourself, You Will Not Believe That You
Are Loved.

Pay Attention To What You Need To Do To Make Your Life More Fulfilling
And Satisfying And Start Doing It. You Will Find Your Mind Now
Occupied With Good Thoughts About You And Your Value As A Woman. You
Will See Things More Dearly And Invite Into Your Life A New Sense Of
Well Being And Confidence. As You Begin To Trust Yourself You Will Be
Creating Your Own Sense Of Emotional Security That Nothing Can Shake.
Your Jealousy Will Dissipate And You Will Be Able To Love From A Much
Deeper And More Trusting Place•

JEALOUSY In Romance Is Like Salt In Food. A Little Can Enhance The
Savour, But Too Much Can Spoil The Pleasure And, Under Certain
Circumstances, Can Be Life-Threatening•