ARE YOU FORCING YOUR FEELING FOR SOMEONE

Sometimes It Just Happens: There Is Someone You Think Is A Great Person, But That "It" Factor Just Isn't There For You. They Are Nice, They're Funny; They're Smart, They're Not Needy 0r Bossy. Maybe Your Friends And Family Even Like Them And Are Repeatedly Warning You Not To "Let This One Get Away." But Still, You Just Don't Feel It For Them.

Here Are Some Suggestion If You Find Yourself Feeling Like You Should Want To Be With This Person More Than You Actually Want To Be With Them.

☆. Don't Beat Yourself Up About It:

If You're Not Feeling Something You Think You Should Feel (Or Even Want To Feel), Don't Be Hard On Yourself. We Feel The Way We Do, And No One Should Ever Be Criticised For The Desires They Do Or Do Not Experience. So Our First Recommendation Is That You Give Yourself A Break. Look At Your Feelings And Accept Them For What They Are. Then You Can Begin To Approach The Situation From A Much More Clearheaded Position.

☆. Get Clear On Why The Feelings Aren't Happening:

One Of The Best Ways To Gain More Awareness As To What's Going On Here Is To Do A Bit Of Soul-Searching. When You're Being Completely Honest With Yourself, Are There Reasons You Can Pinpoint As To Why You're Not Experiencing Stronger Emotions In This Relationship? Maybe You've Been Hurt And Are Still Reticent About Moving On. Or Maybe There Are Some Sort Of Other Unresolved Issues From Past Relationships, Even Non-Romantic Ones. And, Of Course, It Could Be That There's Simply Not The Physical Chemistry That You Want In A Relationship. That Happens. The Point Is That The More Honest You Can Be With Yourself On This Question, The Better You'll Be Able To Get Clear On How Best To Respond.

☆. Explore Why You Think You Should Force Your Feelings:

Like The Previous Suggestion, This Is One Demands Honesty On Your Part. Why Is It That You Feel That You Should Force Your Feelings For This Person? Is It Because You Are Afraid To Be Alone? Or That You're Afraid Of Hurting The Other Person? Are You Feeling Pressure From Others, Or Working Out Of A Fear That You Won't Find Someone Better? Or Maybe There's Something That This Person Offers- A Better Lifestyle Or Some Sort Of Security- That You Really Like Having In Your Life. Do Your Best To Figure Out What It Is That Makes You Feel That You Simply Ought To Make Things Work Out. That Will Help You Respond To The Situation In A Way That You Feel Good About.

☆. Communicate With The Other Person:

Clear And Honest Dialogue About How You Are Feeling Is Absolutely Crucial, Especially When You Already Respect And Care For The Other Person. There's Nothing At All Wrong With Saying Something Like, "Its Not Fair To Either One Of Us For Me To Try To Make Something Happen That Just Isn't There." Be Delicate And Be Kind If You Really Know, And You're Certain That There's No Way That It'll Ever Happen Between You, Then Be Honest And Communicate That To Them. Yes, It Will Probably Be A Painful Message For Them To Hear. But They'll Respect You For Your Honesty, And You'll Avoid Hurting Them Even More Down The Road.

☆. Be Willing To Request Some Patience:

You Might Be At A Point Where You're Still Open To A Relationship, But Maybe You're Not Moving As Quickly As The Other Person. If This Is The Case, Then Speak Up. Let Them Know How You Feel, That You Care About Them And Possibly See Potential For You Two Together, But That You Need Time To Allow A Relationship To Develop. Even If You're Getting Pressure From Numerous People, Keep In Mind That You Have Every Right And Even A Responsibility To Figure This Out For Yourself And To Do So In A Way That Let's You Make A Good And Healthy Decision.

☆. Be Open To Surprising Possibilities:

Consider The Possibility That The Other Person May Grow On You. And You Might Feel Differently In Time. Many A Relationship Began With One Person Wanting To Simply Be Friends And The Other Person Desiring More Than That. We're Not Saying That You Should Ignore Or Deny Reality Or Simply Keep At It And Expect That The Chemistry Will Eventually Appear. It Often Doesn't. And As We Said, If You Know For Sure That You'll Never Feel Anything Stronger Or More Serious For The Person, Then You Owe It To Them To Let Them Know. But If You're Not 100 Percent Sure, Then Is There Any Reason You Can't Give Yourself A Bit More Time, Just To See What Might Happen?

☆. If Possible, Maintain Friendship:

If You Two Are Really Compatible, And The Other Person's Feelings Aren't Too Advanced, Then Explore Together The Idea Of Simply Enjoying A Friendship For The Time Being. It May Be That The Relationship Has Progressed Too Far For This To Happen. If The Other Person Wants More Than Friendship, They May Not Be Willing To Settle For Less. Likewise, You May Decide That You're Unwilling To Live With Whatever Pressure Comes With Being The Person Who Is Being Waited For. But If You Can, Then Maintain Your Friendship And Enjoy All The Things You Can Offer Each Other. Then, Once A Strong Friendship Has Developed, Who Knows What Might Happen?

DATING MISTAKES THAT MAkE YOU LOOK DESPERATE

Have You Ever Wondered Why You Have Great First And Second Dates, But Can't Seem To Find A Fulfilling Long-Term Relationship With Anyone?

Last Week I Spoke With A Lady, A Single Mother In Her Early Thirties, She Has Been Dating The Same Guy Off And On For Over 2 Years. Despite The Fact That She's In Love With Him, He's Not Ready To Commit.

She's Confused About Why Her Boyfriend That She Is Willing To Drop Anything And Everything Immediately To Spend Time With Him, Including Her Parental Responsibilities (Which Is Probably Playing A Big Role In Why He's Not Sure About Their Relationship). It Turns Out She's Been Making Several Mistakes, Since The Beginning Of Their Relationship.

Here Are A Few Tips On What Not To Do During The Courtship Phase Of Dating (Usually The First Couple Of Months), Because They Can Set Up Bad Habits. Avoid These Mistakes At All Cost:

☆. Being Available All Of The Time:

When You First Start Dating Someone It Can Be Tempting To Want To Spend All Of Your Time With Him/Her, Persuading You To Keep Calendar Clear. Having Nothing Else To Do But Spend Your Time With That Person Makes You Come Off As Boring, Having No Life And Few Friends. This Is Not The Impression You Want To Make.

☆. Initiating Phone Calls Or Texting All Day Long:

It Is Important To Stay In Touch With Your New Love Interest, But Don't Go Overboard. Calling Or Texting Once Or Twice A Day Says "I'm Interested In You", Calling Or Texting Several Times Each Hour Of The Day Says "I'm A Borderline Stalker."

☆. Needing To Know Every Detail Of His/Her Day:

As Relationships Grow You Learn More And More About The Other Person; What They Like, Who They Hang Out With, Where They Go Regularly. This Should Be A Natural Process That Develops Over Time. When You Demand To Know All Of These Details Up Front It Can Make You Appear Insecure And Controlling.

☆. Talking About The Distant Future Within First Few Weeks Of Dating:

Dating Is An Opportunity To Get To Know Someone Gradually Over Time. Talking About The Long-Term Future Together Is Something That Couples Should Do Once They Are Exclusive And Have Some History Together. It Often Scares People Away If You Start Planning The Wedding (Aloud) On Your Second Or Third Date.

☆. Going Along With Anything And Everything:

There Is Tremendous Value In Being Flexible, And Tremendous Weakness In Having No Boundaries (a.k.a Not Being Able To Say "No"), People Naturally Push Other's Boundaries As They Become Emotionally Closer. This Is A Necessary And Critical Part Of Intimate Relationships. When You Accept Everything, (Your Date Showing-Up An Hour Late With No Phone Call, Him/Her Being Too Busy To Help Out In A Genuine Emergency, Or Cancelling Plans Last Minute Because There Is Something Else He/She Would Rather Do) Regardless Of How You Feel About It-You Come Off As Needy.

☆. Giving It All Away On First Date:

There Are Few Things That Kill Emotional Bonding And Interest Faster Than Getting Sexual Too Soon. True Intimacy Is Developed Over Time And Through Series Of Interactions Where You Learn More And More About The Other Person. This Increases Your Attraction To Him/Her Of Them Beyond Physical Appearance. When You Have Sex Right Off The Bat, It Sabotages This Process, You've Already Gotten Physical And That Can Muddle Your Chance Of Building True Intimacy. It Can Also Look Like That Is All You Have To Offer-Sex. Which Is Simply Not True. Not Forgetting To Mention That Having Sex On The First Date Isn't Always A Loser's Choice, But There Are Relationships That Have Also Thrived And Made Progress Afterwards... But Its Rare To Find Such These Days. So Its Best To Stay Out Of It If You Ain't Sure About Who You Are With.

☆. Including Your New Partner In Family And Personal Events Too Soon:

If You Invite The Girl/Guy You've Been Dating To A Family Function Too Soon, It May Scare Them Away. You May Think Your Family Is Wonderful And Perfect, But That Might Not Be How They Appear To Your New Mate. Having A Solid Foundation And Connection Together, Before Introducing Them To The Fam Can Go A Long Way. And Bring Your New Flame Into Your Family Dynamics Too Quickly Might Freak Him/Her Out.

These Are Few Behaviours That May Seem Harmless In The Moment, But Can Ultimately Represent Wanting Commitment Before You Really Know Each Other. For The Best Chance Of Developing A Long-Term Relationship Avoid These Impulses, At Least At First. You Can Always Decide To Move Things Forward In The Future, But You Can Never Take Back Things From The Past.

GIVING OUT TRASH

WHAT Some Folks Call "GIVING" Is Simply Appalling.

You Want To Give A Beggar Money, And Then You Toss Him A Dirty And Torn Note. Of What Use Is That To Him? Oh! Or Is It A Way Of Telling Him/Her To Go And Work? Why Bother!

Some Folks Want To Give Out Clothes, Shoes, And Bags. And The Ones They Think Is Best To Give Are The Ones That Are Over Used, Torn And Outdated. The Shoes Are Like Something That Have Walked The Entire City In The World. C'mon, Why GIVE Out Such To A Human Being Like You? Oh! Because You Think They Are Poor And Needy? Yes, They May Look Poor And Needy, But Don't Disrespect And Insult Them Any Further By Giving Them Damaged Goods. There Is No Blessing In That. In Fact, Some GIVING Can Become A CURSE In Return.


The Worst Is Those Who Go To Places Of Worship Like The Church, And As If Putting Peanut Out Of Their Abundance In The Offering Box/Bag Is Not Enough, The Peanut Money Itself Is Something That Has Been Rejected By An Aboki Or Pepper Seller. C'mon! Why Do That? Is Better You Don't GIVE Than Incur Damnation Upon Yourself!

In Fact, Personally I Don't Give Out Things That I Believe Are Bad For Me, Except Somebody Shows Interest In It. Atleast That Is Better, Than Just Carrying Or Dumping My Damaged Goods On Somebody Or A Family Just Because You Think They Are Needy. If You Have Stuffs That You Think Are Bad, And Could Be Useful To Someone Else... Put It Out, And Let Whoever Wants It Pick It Up, Than Just Singling Out A Person/People And Embarrassing Them With Things That Should Be In The Trash Bin.

NOTE: I'm Not Saying You Shouldn't GIVE Out The GOOD Things You Don't Like. But I'm Talking About Those Who GIVE Out Things They Know Are BAD/DAMAGED. If You Must GIVE Out Such, Then Make Sure You Repair And Put It In GOOD And Perfect Shape To Be Used By Another Person.

GIVE YOUR BEST OR DON'T GIVE AT ALL
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DATING A CO-WORKER

You Know The Drill. Furtive Glances Across The Lunch Room. Lingering For Small Talk At The Water Cooler. Hallway Smiles And Joke-Swapping. Office Crushes Sure Make The Workday More Interesting And Give You The Inspiration To Dress A Little Sharper For That Monday Morning Meeting, Too.

But Is Dating Someone At Work A Fortunate Turn Of Events Or A Disaster Waiting To Happen? Your Best Chance At Fanning Your Workday Crush Into A Hot Relationship- Or Dousing Those Sparks In Time To Avoid Any Unwanted Drama- Is To Carefully Consider The Pros And Cons.

Factors In Your Favour Include The Fact That Working Together May Allow You To Observe This Person's Strengths And Weaknesses In A Non-Dating Environment. YOU May Have Already Seen How He Or She Handles Stress And Treats Peers. There's Also A Good Chance That, Working For The Same Employer, The Two Of You Enjoy Similar Work Hours And Holidays. You Also Brings To A New Relationship A Shared "World" Complete With Friends, Colleagues, Goals, And Even Values.

But That Shared World Is Not Without Risks. Will Your Relationship Become Topic Of Office Gossip? Will Co-Workers Become Jealous Or Resentful? Will Office Politics Pose A Problem? Will Dating Someone At Work Change The Way Co-Workers Or Supervisors Regard You?

There's Also The Matter Of How Your Dating Relationship Might Impact Job Performance. If You Become Distracted By The Excitement Of Your New Romance- Or Distraught If That Relationship Goes Awry- Will You Be Less Effective?
Ultimately, You Have Been Hired To Accomplish Certain Tasks For Your Company Or Organisation. If Working In Close Proximity To Your Love Interest Makes It Tough To Keep Your Personal Life From Affecting Your Professional Productivity, Then Dating A Co-Worker Might Not Be The Best Choice.

You'll Also Want To Consider The Financial Impact Of A Potential Breakup. Would Working Together Post-Relationship Be Comfortable Or Even Possible? IF Not, Could You Transfer To Another Department Or Location? Would You Feel The Need To Find A New Job Elsewhere? IN A Down Economy, Would That Even Be Feasible?

Even With The Risks, It's Not Uncommon For Singles To Form Happy, Lasting Romantic Relationships With A Co-Worker. After All, It's Where Most People Spend More Than Half Of Our Waking Hours.

If You're Considering Dating Someone At Work, The Following Guidelines Can Increase The Odds Of The Experience Being One You'll Enjoy Rather Than Regret:

★Understand The Policies Of Your Company Or Organisation:

Some Companies Strictly Forbid Employees Dating. Others Permit It With Full Disclosure To Supervisors. Still Others Require A Signed Contract Or Agreement, Which Stipulates Workplace Protocol To Avoid Conflicts Of Interest. Make Sure That By Dating Someone At Work, You're Not Breaking Rules And Putting Both Of Your Jobs In Jeopardy.

★Avoid Relationships With Direct Superiors Or People Who Answer Directly To You:

Dating Someone Near To You On The Chain Of Command Is Fraught With Complications. There Is The Potential For Favouritism, Abuse Of Power, Or Conflicts Of Interest, Not To Mention Gossip Among Colleagues. Even If You Make Sure Everything Is Above-Board, You Don't Need Your Workplace Peers Thinking The Worst.

★ Keep The Boundaries Clear Between Your Personal And Professional Lives:

Dating Someone FROM Work Doesn't Mean Dating Someone AT Work. While On The Job, Your Focus Should Be 100 Percent On Your Responsibilities, Not Your Romance. What You Do Outside Of Work Is Your Business; What You Do At Work Is Your Employer's Business.

★Maintain Discretion:

Keeping Clear Boundaries Also Means Ensuring Discreet Behaviour. Don't Make Co-Workers Uncomfortable By Displaying Your Affection When Things Are Going Well, Or Airing Your Grievances If Things Go Awry. And Don't Use Office Email For Personal Communication- It Not Only Interferes With Whatever You're Supposed To Be Doing, Your Gushing Expressions Of Love May Not Be As Private As You Think.

The Exciting Thing About Love Is That You Never Know Where It Will Find You. If It Finds You At Work, Losing Your Heart Can Be A Wonderful Experience- As Long As You Keep A Clear Head In The Process.

Have You Dated A Co-Worker? Was It A Good Experience? What Advice Would You Give To Others Contemplating This

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WHEN YOUR PARENTS DON'T APPROVE THE PERSON YOU ARE DATING

Finding Someone To Love Who Loves You In Return Is Difficult.

Learning How To Deal With Conflicts Within That Relationship Can Be Extremely Painful, As Well.

But It's Entirely Different When, For Some Reason, You Discover Your Parent(s) Don't Approve Of The Person You Are Dating.

It Can Make Any Dating Relationship Devastating And Put Strain On Your Home Life.

You Want Your Parents To Love And Admire The Person You've Chosen. Instead, They Can't See Past Their Own Traditions, Values, Or Prejudices. They Don't See Your Sweetheart Or Spouse For The Wonderful Person He Or She Is. All They See Is Something Wrong- With A Capital W. You Feel Caught Between Them. You Love And, Yes, Respect Your Parents But You Also Love And Admire Your Partner.

Bridging The Divide Is Important. If You And The Person You Love Aren't Clear About Your Commitment And The Compromises You Are Willing To Make To Be Together, The Constant Disapproval, Whether Stated Or Seething Under The Surface, Can Undermine Your Relationship. THE Child Of The Disapproving Parents Is Caught In A Terrible Bind. Listening To And Responding To Either Side Makes The Other Feel Abandoned, Unloved Or Disrespected. The Partner Who Is The Focus Of Dislike May Feel Constantly Under Pressure To Prove Her Or Himself To Be Worthy. IF Unrewarded, The Efforts Can Soon Turn To Resentment And Anger That Spills Into The Relationship.

Fortunately, There Are Less Drastic Solutions Than The Romantic Death Scene In Romeo And Juliet. Like Tevye In Fiddler Or Robert In Downton Abbey, There Are Parents Who Eventually Accept Their Adult Children's Choices And Even Give Their Blessing. But It Takes Work And Willingness. It Doesn't Happen By Magic Or By Argument.

The Following Are How To Go About It...

1. Don't Keep Your Relationship A Secret:

When You Discover Your Parents Strongly Disapprove Of Your Bf/Gf, Your First Inclination Will Be To Pull Away From Them And Continue Your Dating Relationship Behind Their Back. This Doesn't Do Anybody Any Good. Never Secretly Date Someone Your Parents Don't Want You To Date.
Having Secrets And Lies Between You And Your Parents Ruins Trust And Causes Needless Stress And Drama. Besides, Do Make Sure Both Of You Agree About Compromises In Order To Be Together. MAKE Sure You Are Sure. There Is No Point In Confronting Your Parents With Something That Isn't Going To Last.

2. Don't Meet Criticism With Criticism:

Your Parents' Values, Traditions, And Feelings Have Helped Make You Who You Are. They Have Been The Guiding Light For Perhaps Generations And Have Been Central To Your Family's Identity. Putting Down Your Family History Isn't Honest Or Helpful. Do Be Compassionate The Older Generation Clings To Their Attitudes And Opinions Because It Helps Them Feel Safe In A Changing World. Their Intentions Are Probably Good. Find Ways To Reassure Your Family Of Origin That You Appreciate And Honour Your Past While You Are Also Becoming Part Of The Global Community That Includes People From Other Walks Of Life.

3. Don't Meet Parental Disapproval With Defensiveness And Arguments:

Defensiveness Implies That There Is Something To Defend. Arguing Implies You Can Be Argued Out Of It. DO Respond To Their Concerns With Respect And Clarity. Acknowledge That A Cross-Cultural Marriage Is Going To Be Difficult. Express Your Sadness That They Feel The Way They Do. Affirm Your Love For Them And Your General Respect For Their Opinions But Be Clear That You Have Made Your Decision. Quite Certainly Is Far More Effective Than Angry Words.

4. Don't Use Your Partner:

Don't Use Your Partner To Make A Political Point, To Educate Your Parents, Or To Give Yourself An Ally. It's Not Fair To The Person Who Loves You To Be Used As A Pawn In An Ongoing Fight You Are Having With Your Parents About Such Things As Religion, Race, Or Status. It May Feel Good To Have A Supporter In The Battle But "Us Against Them" Isn't Enough Of A Basis For A Lasting Relationship. Do Be Clear About Your Own Motives. Make Sure You Love The Person For Who He Or She Is In Their Entirety, Not Because You Like The Drama Of Choosing Someone Who Has A Significantly Different Family Background.

5. Don't Take A Side:

Your Lover's Or Your Mother's. This Isn't About Winning And Losing. It's About Reconstructing Everyone's Idea Of Family. DO Your Best To Negotiate Compromises, Understanding, Or At Least Respectful Disagreement. When You Have To Turn Down Someone's Demands Or Requests, Be Clear That It Doesn't Mean That You Don't Love Them. It Means That It Doesn't Fit With The Kind Of Family You Want To Make.

As Our World Becomes Smaller Through Social Media And Increased Ease Of Travel, More And More People Are Finding Themselves In Love With Someone Their Parents Never Considered As A Suitable Mate. It's Hard On Everyone. If People Dig In Their Heels, The Consequences Can Be Terribly Hurtful And Long-Lasting.

Bend When You Can, Just Because It's Easier For The Younger Generation To Bend A Bit As People Get To Know Each Other. However, The Painful Bottom Line Is This: If Your Parents Persist In Not Accepting The Situation, Your First Loyalty Is To Your Partner. This Is The Person You Have Chosen To Make A Life With. Even If Your Parents Threaten Never To See You Again, To Treat You As Dead, Or To Cut You Out Of The Will, Loving Your Partner Means Living With Those Consequences. If You're Not Prepared To Do That, It's Only Fair To Your Partner And To Yourself To End The Relationship.

Hopefully, It Won't Come To That. Parents Usually Don't Want To Lose You Any More Than You Want To Lose Them. Hopefully, When Your Parents See That You Are Committed To The Person You Love And The Life You Have Chosen, They, Like Tevye In Fiddler And Robert In Downton, Will Come Around.
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WHY SOME WOMEN STAY IN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIPS

Why Would A Woman Stay In A Relationship With A Guy Who Puts Her Down, Hems Her In, And Perhaps Even Physically Abuses Her? Why Would A Woman Hold Down Jobs To Keep The Rent Paid And Food On The Table While Her Boyfriend Sits Around Smoking Weed All Day? WHY Oh Why Would A Woman Allow Herself To Be Emotionally Blackmailed By Her Boyfriend's Threats That He Will Kill Himself Or Her Or Both If She Even Talks About Leaving A Relationship That's Going Nowhere?

There's No Easy Answer. Often It's A Complicated Mix Of A Number Of Answers. If You Wonder Why On Earth You Stay With The Guy Who Keeps Hurting You In Spite Of Promises To Do Better, In Spite Of Protestations That He Loves You, In Spite Of Your Obvious Distress About How Things Are Going, See If You Recognise Yourself In Any Of These Common Reasons.

But Please Be Careful Not To Jump To Conclusions Based On A List. It's Not At All Uncommon For Relationships To Have Some Challenging Times. Reasons For Staying Become Problems When They Become Excuses Or Ways We Fool Ourselves Into Believing That Things Aren't That Bad When In Fact They Are. If You Keep Getting Hurt; If You Know In Your Heart That The Relationship Is Diminishing You But You Still Keep Going Back For More, It May Be Time For You To Get Into Therapy Or To Find The Resources In Your Community That Help Women Extricate Themselves From A Controlling Or Abusive Relationship.

☆ Because Being Someone's Everything Is Intoxicating Stuff-At Least At First.

When You Met, He Only Had Eyes For You. HE Called To Say Good Morning. HE Called To Say "I Love You" At Lunch. He Wanted To Be The Last Voice You Heard Before You Went To Sleep. When You Left Work Or Your Last Class For The Day, There He Was- Waiting For You. If Another Guy Even Looked At You, He Put His Arm Protectively Around You. If A Guy Friend Called You Up, He Pouted. He Wanted All Your Attention. IN Exchange, He Gave You Attention As No One Ever Had Before. He Wined You And Dined You And Made You Feel Like A Princess. Sounds Like Any Romantic Beginning, Doesn't It?

If Your Guy Is So Insecure That He Needs Control, His Attention Gradually Became Claustrophobic. OVER Time, His Demands For All Your Attention All The Time Hemmed You In. YOU Found Yourself Frantically Explaining Your Every Move That Didn't Involve Him. Staying A Bit Late For Work, A Girls' Night Out, Even A Visit To Your Mother Became Grounds For A Fight. What Started Out As Wonderful Attention Became Not So Wonderful.

☆ Because The Guy Is Absolutely Charming.

You Didn't Fall In Love With Your Boyfriend For No Good Reason. He Can Be Charming. He Can Be Romantic. He Can Say The Things That Every Woman Would Like To Hear. Sometimes He Lets You See A Sweet Vulnerability That Melts Your Heart. He Seems To Feel Genuinely Terrible After The Two Of You Have Had A Big Fight. He Brings Apologies And Gifts. He Promises He'll Be Less Jealous. HE says You Really Are His Everything. Lovemaking At Times Like These Is Delicious. He Says All The Right Things To Make You Want To Give Him Another Chance. Things Are Wonderful For Awhile. But Then It Starts All Over Again. You Come Home A Little Late And His Eyes Look Stormy. YOU Make A Phone Call And He Has To Know Just Who You're Talking To. Pretty Soon, You're Feeling Hemmed In Again And You Know That There's Going To Be Another Blow-Out...

☆ Because Of A Low Self-Esteem, And The Fact You Feel You Don't Deserve Better.

Maybe You Grew Up In A Family Where You Were Told That You Were No Good, Ugly, Clumsy, Or Incompetent. Maybe Your Father Or Mother Even Told You "No One Will Ever Love You." Perhaps You Were An Ugly Duckling In School Who Never Had A Date Or You Were Never Accepted By The People You Wished Were Your Friends.
Maybe You've Had A Series Of Disastrous Relationships Or No Relationships At All. Your Self-Esteem Is In The Cellar. Even Though A Part Of You Knows That Your Family Should Have Treated You Better; Even Though You Understand That School Is Harsh For A Lot Of People, There's An Even Bigger Part Of You That Feels That Maybe All The People Who Rejected You Were Right- You've Become Convinced You Should Be Grateful For Any Smidgen Of Caring Your Boyfriend Provides- Even If It Is Painful.

☆ Because You Don't Know Any Better.

All The Women You Grew Up With Were In Abusive, Difficult Relationships. All Your Girlfriends Complain About Men Who Don't Do Their Share And Who Stopped Being "Mr. Wonderful" Long Ago.
Lacking Role Models For Positive, Loving Relationships, You Think Good Relationships Only Happen In The Movies. Although You Can Agree In Theory That Women Deserve To Be Treated With Consideration And Respect By The Men Who Love Them, You've Never Seen Such A Relationship Up Close And Personal.

☆ Because He Scares You Or Manipulates You.

There Are Men Who Aren't A Bit Subtle About Their Need For Control. Try To Leave And They Threaten To Hurt You Or Your Kids Or Other People You Care About. He May Have Even Grabbed You Too Hard Or Hit You Or Locked You In A Room Or Waved A Gun Around. When He Goes Into A Rage, There's No Telling What He Might Do. SO You Do Everything You Can To Prevent It- Including Staying.
The Manipulators Are Equally Effective In Trapping Their Women. They Say They Will Commit Suicide If You Leave- And It Will Be All Your Fault. They Are Masters At Making You Feel Guilty Even When You Don't Have A Clue What You Are Guilty For. Fights Inevitably Shift To All The Things You've Done Wrong- Or At Least Wronger Than Him. You End Up Staying To Make Amends And Make It Right Or Because You Can't Bear The Idea Of Living With The Guilt If He Hurts Himself.

☆ Because You Truly Believe You Can Change Him.

Because The Relationship Started Out So Wonderfully And Because He Can Be So Terrific After A Fight, You Hold Onto The Idea That You Can Bring Out The Best In Him. All You Have To Do Is Find The Right Words And Behave In The Right Way, And You'll Have The Man Of Your Dreams. Love Conquers All, Right? WRONG. NO One Can Make Another Person Be Anything. HE Has To Want It. He Has To Want To Change Because It Will Make Him A Better Person, Not Because He Made An Insincere Promise In Order To Make Up After A Fight. Even Though You Know All This, You Convince Yourself That You're An Exception. You're Going To Find A Way.

☆ Because You Are More Afraid Of Being Alone Again Than Of Being In A Painful Relationship.

You've Been Alone And It's Lonely You Want Someone To Talk To In The Evening, To Cuddle Up To At Night, To At Least Once In Awhile Take The Kids. Even Picking Up His Laundry, Cooking Meals He Doesn't Appreciate, And Fighting With Him Is More Appealing Than Coming Home To An Empty House If He Does Pay The Bills And Do A Few Chores (And Especially If He Pays Most Of The Bills And Can Be Counted On To Do Some Of The Heavy Work), It's Even Harder To Think About Doing It Alone.

☆ Because Of Cultural/Religious Reasons.

Traditional Gender Roles Can Make It Difficult For Young Women To Leave An Abusive Relationship. Religion Also Influences Them To Stay Rather Than End The Relationship For Fear Of Bringing Shame Upon Their Family Or The Faith.

☆ Because Of Pregnancy/Parenting.

Because You Got Pregnant, Or Already Have Kid(s) With Him, You Then Feel Pressure To Raise Your Children With Both Parents Together, Even If That Means Staying In An Abusive Relationship. ALSO, The Man May Threaten To Take Custody Of The Children, So You Stay.

☆ Because You Rely On Him For Money, Shelter And Food.

You Have Become Financially Dependent On Him, He Pays Your School Bills, Utility Bills And Provides You With Material Comfort.

Moreso, The Fact That You Have Nowhere To Go Or No One To Turn To Once The Relationship Ends. This Feeling Of Helplessness Can Be Especially Strong If You Live With Him.

Furthermore, Do You Have Some Sort Of Disability That You Have To Be Physically Dependent On Him? IF So, The Feeling Of Your Well-Being Connected To The Relationship Is What Is Influencing Your Decision To Stay In An Abusive Relationship.

☆ Because You Love Him.

The Most Common Answer I Get When I Ask Women Why They Stay In Abusive Relationships Is "Because I Love Him." Love Isn't Always Rational, It's True. There's No Accounting For Chemistry. But The Fact Is That Love, Especially One-Sided Love, Isn't Enough To Sustain A Relationship. It's Like One Hand Clapping.

If You Are Always On The Giving End In The Relationship; If You've Accepted Indifference, Abuse, Or Manipulation Because You Don't Believe You Deserve Or Can Get Better, It's Time To Take Charge Of Your Life And To Make Some Changes. If Your Guy Will Agree, Try Out Couples Therapy. Couples Can And Do Change With Commitment To The Process And Love For Each Other. IF Your Boyfriend Won't Join You In The Project, Get Some Therapy For Yourself. Build Up Your Self-Esteem, Develop The Skills You Need To Be Successful In The World, And Increase Your Confidence In Yourself. A Stronger You Will Be Able To Hold Out For The Loving Relationship That You Deserve.

HOW TO TELL IF A LADY IS USING YOU

Reading Women Can Be Really Tricky. While She May Have Made You Believe She's Really Into You, She Might As Well Just Be Using You For Her Own Benefits. One Day Or The Other, She's Going To Show Her True Colours And It's Going To Hurt Real Bad. You're Better Off Without Selfish People In Your Life.

It Is Not Only Ladies That Use Guys, Guys Are Also Involved In Such Act, Just Like I Discussed In My Previous Article. If You Are Yet To Read "How To Tell When A Man Is Using You, Then Do So.

Here Are Ways To Tell She Is Using You...

☆ Think About The Time You Spend With This Lady. What Is The Conversation Like? Are You Usually Doing Things That Interest Both Of You Or Is More One-Sided? Look For Some Warning Signs. If The Majority Of Your Time With Her Involves You Hanging Around With Her Friends And Never Spending Time Just The Two Of You, Then She May Be Using You. If Your Conversation Is Empty And Hollow, Then There's A Chance She Doesn't Enjoy Your Company At All And Is In Fact Using You.

☆ Next, Ask Yourself What Could She Be Using You For. Does She Have A Low Self-Esteem? Is She Insecure? In This Case, Ask Her About Her History. If She Has Had Many Relationships That Usually Do Not Last Long, Then There's A Good Chance She's Insecure About Herself. She Feels As If She Needs To Have A Significant Other And Does Not Really Care Who That Person Is As Long As It's Somebody.

☆ Is Money Involved? There Are Many Situations Where People Use Other People For Money. Are You Constantly Buying Things For Her, Do You Always Pay When You Go Out And Do Things With Her? DOES She Respect You, Your Time And Your Money, When You Do Spend Time With Her? If You Find Yourself Constantly Paying For Everything, There Is A Chance She May Be Using You. Same Applies If She Always Keen On You Buying Her Gifts Every Time. She Doesn't Reciprocate. SHE Takes, Takes, Takes, But Never Gives! She Rarely Does Things To Show You She Appreciates You And What You Do For Her.

☆ She Doesn't Want To See You On A Regular Basis. When A Woman Truly Likes You She Wouldn't Be Able To Let Days Go By Without Seeing Or Talking To You. If She Does And You Guys Haven't Had An Argument There Is Often Someone Else In The Picture... Your Just Filling In The Blanks.

☆ She Tells You She Doesn't Want A Relationship. Most Women Want To Be In A Relationship. It Is Rare To Meet A Woman That Doesn't Want To Be In A Relationship Unless She Just Got Out Of One.

☆ She Rarely Returns Your Calls. You Will Hear Excuses Like: "Oh, I Completely Forgot!" I Didn't Get A Missed Call." But She Gets Mad If You Do The Same. Trust Me... If A Woman Is Into You She Won't Forget Or Miss Any Call You Make.

☆ If She Is More Interested In What You Do For A Living She's Probably Trying To Use You For Who You Know. For Example, If You Work In The Music Or Movie Industry She Could Be Using You For Free Concert Tickets Or Meet And Greets.

☆ She Uses You To Make Her Boyfriend Or Her Ex Feel Jealous. She's Surprisingly Flirtatious With You In Front Of Her Friends And Her Ex. While It Makes You Feel Good About Yourself, You Must Know She's Just Using You As A Device For Her Own Personal Gains.

☆ She Takes You Along To Parties Because She Has Nobody To Go With But Starts Ignoring You The Moment She Meets Her Friends There. SHE Never Makes Any Effort To Make You Feel Comfortable Around Her Group Of Friends.

☆ She Never Seems Eager To Hang Out With You Usually, But If She's Getting Bored, You're The Guy She Calls Up.

☆ She Expects You To Listen To Her Problems Patiently, But She Never Pays Attention When You Talk. SHE Gets Distracted Easily, Starts Playing With Her Phone Or Changes The Topic To Something She Wants To Talk About.

☆ Even Though She Expects You To Do Everything A Boyfriend Does For His Girlfriend, She Refuses To Acknowledge The Relationship. SHE Keeps Reminding You That You're 'Just Friends'.

☆ Even Though She Hangs Out With You All The Time And Makes It Look Like She's Interested, She Has Never Introduced You To Any Of Her Friends As Her Boyfriend.

☆ You Are Her Sex Toy: Now, This Might Not Be A Problem For Most Men Out There, But If You Are Genuinely Interested In Having A Real Relationship, Getting Married And Having Kids One Day, Then You Might Want To Find A Woman Who Wants More Than Sex. Believe It Or Not, There Are Women Out There, Like Men, Who Have Jump-Offs Who They Will Never Be Seen Out In Public With. The Sex Is Earth Shattering, But She Doesn't Want A Relationship, Or, She Doesn't Want A Relationship With YOU. Maybe You're Too Short, Don't Have A Job, Have Multiple Children With Multiple Women, Have Some Teeth Missing... Who Knows. Either Way, She Doesn't Want Her Girlfriends To Know About You. Most Men Would Be Fine With This Arrangement. BUT If You've Somehow Caught Feelings For Her, Then Its Best You Leave Now.

☆ If She Shows Absolutely No Interest In Your Life. Its Only About Her, All The Freaking Time... Then Be Sure She Is Using You.

☆ Make A Decision. Is She Or Isn't Using You? If She Is, You Need To Act. Let Her Know How You Feel, Be Honest. BY Talking To Her And Hearing Her Perspective, You May Find Out You Were Wrong. Perhaps She Was Going Through A Difficult Time And Clung To You And Took A Bit Of An Advantage Without Realising It Or Meaning To Do So. It's Very Possible. This Step Is Most Important, You Should Let Her Know Instead Of Just Ending Things. Only By Doing So Will You Know Without A Doubt Whether Or Not You Were Being Used.

HOW TO TELL IF A MAN IS USING YOU

They Say Women Have A Knack For Intuition, But When It Comes To Their Love Interest They Do Get Blinded. It Is Quite Common For Some Women To Get Into Abusive Relationships Mostly Because They Are Low On Self Esteem Or In Need Of Approval, They Fail To See That Their Boyfriend Or Partner Does Not Really Care For Them.

As A Lady, Even When You Know Intuitively That A Man Is Using You For His Pleasure, And Is Clearly Not In Love With You Nor Interested In A Commitment, You Still Want To Live A Lie. Women Are More Likely To Fall Prey To The Blindness Of Love Than Men Because Of Their Vulnerable Nature. When A Guy Is Using You, It Means The Relationship Is Abusive And Not Conducive. However Much You Want The Guy To Be Different, He Is Not Going To Change, So It's In Your Interest To Move Out Of The Relationship. BUT How Do You Know When A Man Is Using You? That's What This Article Is About.

Just Because You Are In Love With A Man Does Not Necessarily Mean That The Other Person Is Also In Love With You. A Relationship Of One-Sided Love Is Always Abusive Towards The Person Who Is In Love. There's Lot Of Truth To This Statement- "The One Who Cares Less In A Relationship, Dominates It". But This Is Not About Whether The Guy Loves You Less Or More, It's About Does He Care At All Or Is He Just Using You. So If You Are Wondering How To Know If A Man Is Using You, Here Are The Signs To Look Out For:

☆ He Never Bonds With You Emotionally

The Depth In Any Relationship Develops Through The Emotional Attraction The Couple Feels. A Relationship Devoid Of Any Emotional Bonding Is Empty To The Core And Is Likely To Be An Abusive One. If Your Man Is Hardly Bothered About Bonding With You Emotionally, It Means He Does Not Care For You. Do You Feel That He's There To Stand By You When You Are Feeling Low Or Alone? These Are Some Hard Questions That Will Point The Emotional Depth In The Relationship.

☆ He Pressurises You To Get His Wants Met:

If He's Only Interested In Getting His Wants And Needs Met In The Relationship Then You Know The Guy Is Using You For His Pleasure. Many Men Would Pressurise Their Partner To Meet Their Needs For Sex And That's All They Are Interested In. If You Feel That He's Applying Pressure On You Either Through Emotional Manipulation Or Through Physical Threats, He Is Clearly Being Abusive. Guys Who Have Been In Several Relationships Get The Hang Of How Manipulate Girls Into Giving Into Their Demands.

☆ He Is Only Concerned About Physical Pleasure:

Physical Intimacy Is An Integral Part Of An Relationship Between A Man And Woman But How Does He Approach Intimacy? IS He Concerned About Your Needs And Pleasures While Having Sex Or Is He Just Being Plain Selfish During The Whole Act. Women Give Into Pleasuring Their Man To Avoid Any Friction In The Relationship And Several Guys Use This Emotional Handle To Manipulate Them. If You Intuitively Feel That He Is Manipulating You For Sex Then It Should Be Clear That He Has No Emotional Investment In The Relationship. This Is When You Know A Man Is Using You.

☆ He Is Leeching On Your Money:

Some Guys Enter Into A Relationship Purely For Their Monetary Benefit And They Try To Milk The Most Out Of It. Many Women Are So Blinded In Their Love That They Fail To See That He Is Leeching On Her Money And Other Assets. If He Uses Your Credit Cards, Keeps Asking You To Lend Him Money, Makes You Take A Loan For Him Or Gets You Into Financial Trouble, Then You Know He Is Using You Purely For Monetary Interest. A Financially Abusive Relationship Is Most Common These Days With Women Becoming Easy Targets To Playboys And Manipulative Men.

☆ Your Friends Warn You About Him:

Just Because You Are Blinded In Your Attraction To Him Does Not Mean Your Friends Can't See Him For What He Is. If Any Of Your Friends Or Relatives Advises You To Keep Away From Him Then You Should Be On The Alert. It's Of Course True That Your Friends Or Family Members Can't Judge Him As Well As You Can, But If They Sense Something Awry Then You Should Atleast Keep An Open Mind And See If It's True.

It's Not Difficult To Know When A Man Is Using You But Most Women Do Get Unsighted Because Of Their Love. Get In Touch With Your Intuition Because That's Your Best Guide. If You Feel Deeply That Something's Not Right About The Relationship Then Some Hard Decisions Need To Be Taken Even If It Means Going Through Some Temporary Pain Of Separation.

WHERE IS THIS RELATIONSHIP HEADING?

If You're Wondering Where You Stand With Your Partner, Here's How To Find Out.

It Happens In Nearly Every Dating Relationship That Lasts More Than A Few Months: One Or Both Partners Initiate 'The Talk' To Determine Where Exactly They're At With Each Other. This Involves Questions Such As, "Are We "Just Friends' Or More Than That? Are We Dating Exclusively Or Is Our Relationship Just Casual? What Exactly Is The Level Of Our Commitment To Each Other?"

If You Have Begun To Feel Strongly About The Individual You Are Dating, Asking If He Or She Shares Your Feelings Can Be Frightening Moment Of Truth. The Following Are Ideas That Will Help Such Conversation Go Smoothly:

☆ Broach The Issue Clearly●

It's Too Vague To Ask, "So What's Happening With This Relationship?" Be As Direct As Possible. Chances Are You Want To Know If You've Crossed The Boundary From "Going Out Informally" To "Dating Exclusively." If You Feel Ready To Stop Dating Other People, That Is An Appropriate Time To Ask If Your Partner Is Ready To Do The Same.

☆ Choose The Right Situation●

Probing Each Other's Feelings Can Be Intense, So Be Careful About When And Where You Talk. Pick A Private Place Where Thoughts And Feelings Can Be Expressed Without Being On Public Display. Initiating The Conversation In A Crowded Coffee Shop, Or Eatery When He Or She Has To Go Back To Work, Isn't The Best Idea.

☆ Don't Panic If The Response Isn't Exactly What You Want●

The Other Person May Not Be Prepared To Give A Definitive Affirmation Of Undying Love And Fidelity. If That's The Case, Don't Assume Complete Rejection. Be Prepared To Listen To Your Partner's Reply And To Discuss It.
However, Avoid Getting Into A Debate. If You Find Yourself Arguing For More Than Your Partner Is Ready To Give, You Are Pushing Too Hard.

☆ Allow For Space●

Don't Demand An Immediate Answer. Sometimes When People Feel Pressure To Respond, They Get Flustered. Their Mind And Emotions Starts Spinning Too Fast For Words To Make Sense. Take The Pressure Off By Suggesting Some Time To Think It Over And A Follow-Up Discussion.

☆ Resist The Urge To Ask For Continual Updates●

We've All Grown Accustomed To Watching TV News Shows And Seeing A "Crawler" Scroll Across The Bottom Of The Screen With Stock Reports, Sports, And Weather Alerts. Relationships Do Not Come Equipped With A Non-stop Monitoring Device Like That. SO It Is Appropriate To Periodically Check In With Your Partner. The Key Word Is "Periodically" (Think Annual Or Semi-Annual Review). Seeking Constant Reassurance Is A Sure Sign Of Insecurity And Clinginess.

Discussing How You And Your Partner View Your Relationship Is A Natural And Necessary Part Of Moving Forward- Or Deciding Not To. Sensitivity, Understanding, And Proper Timing Will Make The Conversation Positive AND Productive.

CAN YOU LOVE TOO MUCH? OR JUST SMOTHERING!

There Is No Such Thing As Loving Someone Too Much. There Is Such A Thing, Though, As Too Much Smothering. And Smothering Can Definitely Scare Someone Away.

So What Does It Mean To Really Love Someone, And When Does Love Turn Into Smothering?

Smothering, Ultimately, Isn't About Love, But About Selfishness. When You Love Someone, You Want What's Best For The Person, Even If It Means The Relationship Looks Different From What You Had In Mind. In Contrast, When You Smother, You Prioritize Your Own Needs For Closeness Or Connection, As Opposed To What The Other Person Wants Or Needs. This Is One Reason People Can Get Scared Away And Run From A Relationship.

So Let's Look At Some Differences Between Smothering And Love.

Smothering Takes: It's Selfish. When You Smother, You're Really Not Considering The Other Person's Feelings And Desires. You May Feel Like You're Being Motivated By Your Own Insecurity About The Relationship Or Your Own Fears About Losing This Person, Then You're Probably More In The Smothering Camp.

Love Gives. It's Generous. It Prioritizes The Other Person's Freedom And Autonomy. When You Love, You Are Willing To Do Whatever Is Best For The Person You Care For, Even If That Means You Don't Get Exactly What You Want, Exactly When You Want It.

Smothering Demands. When You Smother, You Constantly Ask About The Future, Insisting On Specific Answers And Results. You Also Demand Attention Or Reassurance From Other Person, Requiring Repeated Statements Of Proof Of Their Commitment Level Or Feelings For You.

Love Patiently Waits. When You Love, You Enjoy The Present, Allowing The Other Person And Relationship To Progress At A Comfortable Pace. You Wait For Both Of You To Become Ready For A Certain Level Of Intimacy, Instead Of Asking For Premature Answers Or Commitments That Can Put Pressure On The Other Person And Scare Him Or Her Away.

Smothering Disregards What Another Wants. When You Offer Continual Statements Of How Much You Care About The Other Person, You May Feel As If You're Actually Offering Love And Simply Trying To Demonstrate How Strong Your Feelings Are. BUT When The Other Person Doesn't Want To Hear Repeated Avowals Of Your Love, You Can End Up Coming Across As Needy And Desperate, Merely Because You're Disregarding How Your Partner Feels And What He Or She Wants.

Love Considers And Respects The Other's Desires. True Feelings Of Love Don't Force Themselves On Another Person In Ways Or At Times That The Person Isn't Ready To Receive Them. Again, Sometimes The Best Way To Show Your Love Is To Respect The Other's Wishes And Allow The Relationship To Grow And Develop More Gradually. It May Seem Strange, But There Really Are Times When It's Not The Best Idea To Say "I Love You" Over And Over Again.

Smothering Oppresses. It Pesters And Desperately Grasps. It Calls Too Often Or Sends Too Many Text Messages. It Results From Fear And Can End Up Making The Relationship Feel Like A Prison To The Other Person. It's Like Building A Border Of Rocks Around A Campfire To Contain It And To Keep It From Going Where It Would Naturally Go.

Love Offers Space, Respect, And Trust. Love Invites The Other's Truest Self. It Frees The Other To Be And Act And Love How The Person Chooses. Whereas Smothering Encircles And Contains The Fire With Rocks, Love Kicks The Rocks Away, Allowing The Fire To Burn Strong And Free.

Smothering Tells Another What To Think Or Do. When You Smother Another Person, You Tell Them Who They Should And Shouldn't Spend Time With. YOU Check Up On Where They're Going. YOU Expect Them To Behave In Ways You Want Them To Behave, Sometimes Even Through Manipulation.

Love Respects And Encourages Autonomy. LOVING Someone Means Allowing Others To Be Fully Themselves. OF Course It's True That In A Relationship, Two People Rub Off On Each Other And Help Each Other Grow And Evolve, But This Process Needs To Be Built On Respect And Appreciation For Each Person's Individuality.

Smothering Is Insecure.
Ultimately, This Is The Root Of Smothering. It Can Be Produced By Jealousy, Fear, And Anxiety, And It's One Of The Surest Ways Of Driving Someone Away.

Love Is Secure.
Love Is Emotionally Strong Enough To Respect Another Person's Space And To Trust That What's Meant To Happen Will Happen.

Relationships Need Space And Air To Breathe If They're Going To Survive And Thrive. SMOTHERING Can Therefore Kill A Relationship By Depriving It Of Oxygen. So Remember, There's No Such Thing As Loving Too Much. The Real Question You Need To Ask Yourself Is, Are My Actions Genuinely Loving? There Can Sometimes Be A Fine Line Between Loving And Smothering, But If You Want A Healthy And Long-Lasting Relationship, It's An Important One Not To Cross.

In Your Efforts To Find Your One, True Love, Be Careful No To Make Another Person Feel As If He Or She Is Being Imprisoned. Remember, You're Looking For A Soul Mate, Not A Cellmate.

DON'T LEAVE YOUR LIFE TO CHANCE

It Has Become Common Knowledge To Hear And See People Who Think That Whatever Happens In Their Life Is How God Has Destined It To Be. And Such Mentality Has Made A Lot Of Folks Become Complacent About Life, They Leave Their Life To CHANCE Saying "What Would Be Would Be." I Often Laugh Hysterically, But At The Same Time Feel A Sense Of Pity For People Who Think And Reason Like This. Because Sooner Or Later They'll Wake Up To Find Out That They Have Been Left Behind In Life.

What They Fail To Understand Is That What They'll Become In Life Is Upto Them. And Whatever Will Be Is Their Responsibility To Make It Be.

Some People Just Sit Down And Start Day Dreaming About How They'll Just Be Walking Through A Bush Path And Just See A Bag Full Of Money Left Behind Or Probably Hidden By A Thief Been Chased By The Cops, While Some Think About How They'll Play The Perfect Permutation To Win A Bet. Some Others Just Wish Something Should Just Happen That Would Land Them Instant WEALTH. #Smh

Very Well, As All The Above May Have Been The Lot Of A Few People, Does That Now Mean You Should Hang Your Life On Such Game Of CHANCE? If You Do, Then You Are Setting Yourself Up For A HARD LIFE Ahead.

You Want To Be Wealthy, Then Get Up And Put Your Hands To The Plough. I Don't Mean Getting Involved In Shady And Dishonest Dealings, You Can Get Wealth Doing Something Decent And Honest. God Has Planted In Everyone GIFTS And TALENTS That Are Capable Of Making You Wealthy... All You Need Is Look Inwards And Find Out Yours, And Then Begin To Explore. God Didn't Create Anyone To Be Poor. Besides, The Rich And Wealthy Families You See Today Were Not Always That Way. It Took One Person In Their Lineage To Change The Lot Of Their Family For The Better. So Why Not Be That Person In Your Family Who Change The Status Of Your Family For The BEST! And That Cannot Be Accomplished By Leaving Your Life To CHANCE. YOU Have Got To Make Your Destiny By Setting Up Ways You'd Make Life Better For Yourself And Those Around You. Yes CHANCE May Favour A Prepared Mind, But Won't Create CHANGE.

BE THE BEST AND BE EXCELLENT IN WHATEVER YOU DO

I've Heard And Seen People Who Behave And Act Slothful In Whatever They Do, Especially When They Think The Pay Wouldn't Be Enough, Or The Job Isn't Worth Their Best.

People Who Function With Such Mentality Are Simply Doing Themselves A Great Dishonour, Because Your Way To The Top And Bigger Opportunities With BIG Paycheck Starts From How Well You Handle The Small Things You Are Doing Right Now.

PERSONALLY, I Learnt A Long-time Ago That My Work Is A Direct Proportion And Representative Of Who I Am And What I Carry. Hence, If I'm Gonna Lay My Hands On Anything, It Must Be Done To The Best Capacity And Decorated With Excellence Irrespective Of How Much Or How Little My Returns May Be Or Whether I Like The Job Or Not. As Far As I'm Involved, Such A Task Must Be Decorated With Excellence. And That Attitude Has Helped Me A Long Way. That's How I Got The Name "Exzel" An Intentional Misspelling Of The Word "Excel" Representing Excellence. For Those Of You Who Have Been Asking And Wondering How I Came About That Name... There You Got It! :-)

In My Days Of Little Beginnings, I Use To Know Of A Man Who Worked As An Electrical Engineer. He Was Quite Good, But Lacked Diligence And Excellence. Few Years Later Up The Ladder Of Success, The Company I Worked For Asked That I Recommend People For A Job Position Before It Goes Public... In The Case Whereby I Have No One To Recommend And If Nobody Else Has. Why? Because They Believed Whatever And Whoever I Recommend Would Also Be An Extension Of Myself. Just Then The Post Of An Electric Engineer Was Open, And Immediately I Remembered The Electric Engineer I Once Worked With, Whom I Knew Hasn't Got Anything Major Doing At The Moment. But Then I Also Remembered He Wasn't A Diligent And Excellent Person... So I Didn't Recommend Him. That Was How The Job Was Put Out To The Public.

Now, One Would Say I Was Being Inconsiderate. But Was It My Fault? NO! It Was The Impression He Made The Time We Once Worked Together. And That Sort Of Worked Against Him, As I Wouldn't Want To Recommend Anybody Who Wouldn't Be Diligent For The Sake Of My Reputation In The Company.

Are You A Receptionist? Are You A Driver? An Apprentice As An Artisan? Are You A Cobbler? Or Whatever You May Be Into As A Business Man/Woman Or An Employee... You Have Got To Do It Diligently Coupled With Excellence. Don't Be A Party To Those Who Always Grumble, Backbite, Gossip, Complain, Nag And Go To Sleep On The Job. Or Amongst Those Who Try To Dodge When There Is A Task To Be Accomplished, Or Never Complete A Task.

Never Think Nobody Is Watching You, If Your Boss Isn't Watching You, Your Colleagues And Friends Are Watching! You Never Can Tell When Any Of Them Would Be In A Position Of Power To Appoint Somebody. You Also Can Never Tell Why You Are Yet To Be Promoted At Work Or Given Special Attention... Or Worse, Not Getting A Job.

Some Folks Can't Even Get A Recommendation From Their Friend, Because Their Friend Feel They Would Disgrace Him/Her If They Give Them An Opportunity.

Moreso, Have You Noticed That The People Who Are Creative, Productive, Diligent And Excellent On The Job Almost Get Away With Anything In The Company? Now You Wonder Why The Director(s) Never Get To Fire That Guy/Lady Despite His/Her Arrogant Demeanour. Or That Guy Who Seems To Always Disagree With What The Boss Says... Something Most Folks Wouldn't Try Knowing You'd Get Fired In A Blink Because They Know They Almost Not Relevant To The Company.

So Much For Being Diligent And Excellent... You Don't Have To Like Whatever It Is That You Do, But If You Must Do It, Let It Be Done To The Best In Excellence. Be So Good That When Your Name Is Been Mentioned At The Corridors Of Power, Even The Devil Can't Stop You From Being Selected.

No Doubt The Bible Says "Seest Thou A Man Diligent In His Business? He Shall Stand Before Kings; He Shall Not Stand Before Mean Men." (Proverbs 22:29).

BE DILIGENT AND EXCELLENT!

ARE YOU (REALLY) READY FOR A RELATIONSHIP?

Calling All Singles: Think You're Ready For A Relationship? Now Is The Time To Check In With Yourself And Determine Whether You Really And Truly Are Ready For A Relationship. Though You May Tell Yourself You're Sure You're Ready And Really Want To Settle Down With Someone, You First Have To Look At Your Behaviour- Not What You Say-Is The Truth-Teller.

When It Comes To You And Your Love Life, Your Behaviour Is The First Place To Start When Asking Yourself If You're Really Ready For A Relationship. The Only Way You're Going To Find And Maintain A Healthy Romantic Relationship Is If You Start It On A Reasonably Solid Foundation, Which Means That You Need To Have Your (Bleep) Together.

When You're Truly Ready For A Good Adult Relationship, Your Behaviours Will Reflect How Balanced You Are. Take A Look At Some Of The Requirements For Being Ready For A Relationship Below.

1. Your Church Is Not A Bar Or Nightclub:

Going Out To Bars Or Nightclubs Isn't Necessarily A Bad Thing Or A Deterrent To Finding A Good Relationship. The Issue Is More About How You Feel And Act When You're There Which Indicates Whether You're Really Ready For A Relationship. If You're Drinking A Lot When You Go Out, You're Not In A Position To Start A Good Relationship. Sure, You Can Meet Someone, But It's Not Your Best Self You're Putting Forward, So You're Going To End Up With Someone Who's Not Good For You. If You Love To Go Out But Want A Relationship, There's Nothing Wrong With It: Introduce Yourself To People And, When You Meet Someone You Like, Make Plans To See Them In A Different Environment.

2 You've Reflected On Why Your Past Relationships Didn't Work:

There's No Riper Time To Play The Blame Game Than When You End A Relationship. Everyone Loves To Point The Finger At The Other Person, But It Takes Two People To Mess Up A Relationship. When You're Really Ready For Another Relationship, You Can Look Back On Past Relationships And See Which Behaviours You Engaged In That Were Unhealthy And Counterproductive. What's More, When You Look Back At Those Relationships, You Don't Feel-Wait For It-Bitter. YOU Might Feel Angry At Your Ex For Good Reasons, But You Don't Feel Bitter (A Feeling That's A Mix Of Anger And Hopelessness).

3 You Have Retired From The Drama:

Not Only Can You Understand Why Past Relationships Didn't Work, You Can Now Safely Say- And Feel It With Emotion- That You Have Retired From The Drama That Comes With Bad Relationships And Are Ready To Calm Down And Have A Real Adult Relationship. When You Hear Friends Talk About Their Exploits With So-And-So Who Stood Them Up Or Their Fights Followed By A Crazy Make-Up Sex, You Sigh And Remind Yourself That You Have No Place For That Drama Any Longer In Your Life. YOU Feel Wiser, More Mature, And Know More Than Before What You Want And Need From Your Next Partner.

The Goal For Everyone Is To Match What They Say They Want With The Behaviour They Engage In, And That Is A Lot More Difficult Than It Sounds.
However, If You Look More Closely At Your Feelings And Your Behaviour, You Will Be One Step Closer To A Relationship That's Good For You. Just Imagine!

WHEN SHE 'LIKES YOU, BUT ISN'T INTERESTED IN A RELATIONSHIP

Have You Ever Had A Woman Tell You That She Likes You A Lot, But Not In That Way?

Reality Check: When A Woman Behaves In Ways Which Tell A Guy She "Likes" Him... But That She's Just Not Interested In Taking Things Any Further, Something Almost Always Happens. Most Guys Immediately Start Doing Anything They Can To Escape That Dreaded Friend Zone And Convince Her To Take Things To The Next Level With Him.

They Chase Her. They Start Calling And Texting Her All The Time. THEY Become Clingy And Desperate, Believing They Can Persuade A Woman To Feel ATTRACTION For Them. And Obviously, In The Light Of Day, Most Guys Would Agree That All Of This Is A VERY Bad Idea.

So What Should You Do Instead?

1. Stop Worrying About What She Thinks.

Once A Woman Starts To "Like" You, You Can Look At It As Either A Blessing (It's A Start) Or A Curse (Stuck In The Friend Zone Again). That's Why I Recommend That Men Forget All The Wondering And Guessing, And Simplify The Situation. Forget What She Thinks. Focus On How You Feel About Yourself... And Therefore How You Behave Because Of It. YOU See, Every Thought, Idea, And Notion You Have About YOURSELF Affects Your Body Language And Every Word You Say. They Either Signal A Woman That You're Permanent "Just Friends" Material Or Potential "Relationship" Material.

So Go Ahead And Assume That Maybe She'll Just Want To Be Another Friend Of Yours In Your Life- And Then RELAX. Start Having FUN With Her Instead Of Constantly Trying To Plot Your Next Move And Assume Fake Airs, And You'll Be Amazed At How Quickly You Start Moving Up The "Potential Relationship Material" Ladder.

2. CHALLENGE Her Instead Of CHASING Her.

Like I Said Above, It Sounds Pretty Obvious To Most Guys In The Light Of Day- Don't Chase. Yet A Lot Of Guys Are Guilty Of Chasing Women They Like. They'd Get Possessive And Clingy, Act Beggy And Desperate, Run Around At Their Beck And Call Hoping To "Win" Their Approval.

The Best Way To Do It Is To Challenge A Woman Instead Of Chasing Her. Instead Of Begging, Look For Ways To Get To Know Her Better... Similar Ways That You See The World... Then Stop Being Her "Shoulder To Cry On" And Start Challenging Her In Fun Ways In These Areas.

For Example, If You're With A Woman That You Feel Might Be Great For A Relationship, And You Happen To Disagree On Something... Instead Of Getting Defensive Or "Kissing Up" To Her Point Of View, Take Advantage Of The Situation. Playfully Tease Her On Her Viewpoint. Argue Why She's Wrong. Do Some "Play Fighting" On The Issue. THEN Ask Her To Describe In Detail How SHE Feels About It. Ask Her To Show You How And Why She Sees Things Like She Does.

This Is Incredibly Powerful Because It Not Only Shows You're A Confident Man With Your Own Point Of View... It Also Shows That You're Excited To Learn More About Her Viewpoint.

3. Know When To Move On.

Of Course, If All Else Fails And A Woman's Just Not Interested In You In "That Way," It's Your Responsibility To Respect That And Move On. It's The Right Thing To Do For Her... But It's Also The Right Thing To Do For You.

After All, Why Spend Valuable Time Working On Something That Can't Be Fixed? Plus, Another Amazing Woman That You Can Truly Connect With May Just Be Around The Corner.

So- When It Comes To Responding To A Woman Who "Likes You" But Doesn't Seem To Want To Take Things Any Further, The Ball Is In Your Court. Build Up Your Feelings About Yourself... Work To Challenge Her Instead Of Chasing Her... Know When To MOVE ON... AND You'll Be On Your Way To Escaping The Friend Zone For Good.
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WHY DOES LOVE FADE OVER TIME?

Many Love Stories Tell Tales Of The Brilliance Of Love And The Pain Of Its Decline. One Has To Wonder How We Would Have So Many Stories If It Weren't For Heartbreak. The High And Euphoria Of Early Love Make Everything Seem So Promising.

Despite This, People Go Through Many Relationships And Many Break-ups Over And Over Again. It Is Rare To Find Someone Whose First Attempt At Lifelong Love Was Their Final. Why Then Do We Continue To Be So Hopeful Time And Time Again When So Often Love Fades? Also, Why Does Love Fade When It Can Seem So Promising?

☆.When One First Falls In Love There Is A Tremendous High. Some Liken This Euphoria To The High Of Drugs. In Many Ways, These People Are Correct. When We First Fall In Love Our Bodies Release Chemicals Such As PEA (Phenylethylalamine). The Effects Of This Chemical Last Between 6 Months-5years. This Chemical Can Supplant Genuine Affection And Cooperation, But, Once The Body Has Become Accustomed To It, The Relationship Will Die If Strong Bonds Have Not Been Forged. Before This Time Adrenaline And Endorphin Reign. This Is Also Why Some People Flit From Relationship To Relationship. They Are Endorphins Junkies. They Are Constantly Seeking The Next Surge Of Chemicals From The Next Partner.

☆. When We First Fall In Love We Only See Parts Of Our Partners. WE are Not With Them On A Daily Basis. THE Realities Of Changing Cat Boxes And Grumpiness From Life's Every Stressors Have Not Kicked In. The Longer A Couple Is Together The More The Partners Learn About Each Other. In Time The Mundane Realities Of Life And The Frustrating Challenges Will Begin To Show. It Is When You Can See Your Partner And Know What Really Bugs You About Them That You Are Beginning To Know What You Might See In The Future.

A Couple Does Well To Examine The Flaws And Realities And Decide Logically If These Problems Will Be A Pebble In The Shoe. When You Can Accept That Love Does Not Conquer Everything You Are On Your Way To Understanding Your Partner Well Enough To Have An Inkling About What The Future May Bring. If You Analyse Your Relationship And The "Yeah Butts" Are Giving You Serious Pause, You Need To Consider A Pause In The Relationship.

☆. When One Begins To Be Truthful With Themselves In A Relationship They Will Be Able To Make Decisions With A Clear Mind. This Is Important As The Choices Made In A Relationship Can Affect The Couple, The Individuals, Families, And Children. If Things Seem Wrong, They Likely Are. Don't Get Married Just Because The Wedding Was Planned When The Realities Began To Hit. Divorces Are Painful. Mutual, Peaceful Divorces Are Rare. Break-ups Can Also Be Very Destructive, Especially In A Long Standing Relationship Or One With Children Involved.

On The Other Hand, Just Because Love Is Changing Doesn't Mean That The Relationship Is Doomed. The Euphoria Will Fade And When It Does, There May Be A Wonderful Partnership That Has Forged. Don't Take The Loss Of Chemistry As A Sign Of Doomsday. Equally Important, Don't Take The Chemistry Of Sexual Interactions For Love. Above All Of That, Know That You Can Heal And Use Your Past Wisdom To Love Again If You Keep Your Heart Open. Not All Euphoria Ends In Heartbreak.
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THE WRONG REASONS TO BE IN A RELATIONSHIP

You Meet An Amazing Man And INSTANTLY Fall For Each Other. FOR A While, Things Are Perfect. He's Loving, Affectionate, And You Share Things You've Never Shared With Anyone Else Ever Before. You Start To Believe That He Could Finally Be The One.

But Then Things Start To Shift... And He Becomes Distant And Withdrawn. Instead Of Being Present And Wanting To Talk And Share With You, He's Often Distracted, Irritated And Doesn't Seem As Happy Just To See You And Be With You.

And Then It Happens. Out Of The Blue He Says Something Like, "I Really Care About You, But I'm Just Not Ready For A Serious Relationship Right Now." Of Course You're Devastated And Completely Taken Off-Guard. Were You The Only One Feeling How Great You Were Together?

Was There Something Wrong With Him? Was He Afraid Of Commitment? Or Maybe... Just Maybe You Got In The Relationship And Started Moving Towards A Committed Relationship With This Man For The Wrong Reasons.

Most Women Never Set Out To Find And Fall Into A Relationship For The Wrong Reasons, But It's An Unfortunately Common Process. Here Are Some Of The Wrong Reasons To Get Involved In A Relationship:

1 ► AVOIDING THAT LONELY FEELING:

Another Weekend Rolls Around... But You Have No One Special To Share It With. YOU Get Into Your Bed At Night Alone And Wonder, "I'm A Great Woman. Why Don't I Have A Real Partner To Share My Life With?" You Might Not See It... But On An Unconscious Level, The Struggles Of A BAD RELATIONSHIP May Actually Be More Comfortable And Familiar To You Than The Idea Of Being Alone.

When You Fear Being Alone, You're Much More Likely To Make Bad Choices And End Up Getting Involved With And Staying In Bad Relationships Because It Distracts You From Feeling Lonely.

2► FILLING THE VOID:

If You Believe That A Loving Relationship Will Ease The Emptiness Inside You, The Harsh Reality Is That No Relationship Is Ever Going To Be Able To "Fill You Up." And If You Try, It's Almost Certain That The Man In Your Life Will Start To Sense This And Be Turned Off And Not Want Your Relationship To Work Or Last. Once The Easy Emotional Connection And Satisfaction Of "New Love" Wears Off... You'll Find That You're Not "Filled Up" After All And No Matter What He Does Or Says, Ultimately It Won't Be Good Enough... Or Feel Good Enough For You.

This "VOID" Is The Very Thing That Makes You So Vulnerable To The Wrong Relationships In The First Place- It Will Lead You To Get Involved Not Because A Man Or A Relationship Is Right For You... But Because You Are Driven To Fill The Void.

3► CAVING IN TO SOCIAL PRESSURE:

Are A Bunch Of Your Friends Married, Engaged, Or Falling Deeper Into Lasting, Committed Relationships With Great Guys? If So, Odds Are It's Having A Strong Impact On The Way You're Thinking And Feeling. Seeing The Love And Luck That Other Women Have In Relationships Can Make You Feel An Intense Level Of Pressure To Find The Right Lasting Relationship Now. Ironically, Your Intense Desire To Have A Great Relationship Than You Are In Him And How He Actually Feels When He's With You.

4► YOU NEED SOMEONE TO TAKE RESPONSIBILITY OF YOUR MATERIAL AND FINANCIAL NEEDS:

The Craving To Have Someone Take Responsibilities For The Things You Lack, Can Be Very Devastating. Cause The Moment He Doesn't Meet Up In This Areas, Your Actions And Reactions Begins To Send The Wrong Signals To Your Man, And Before You Know It, He Begins To Withdraw. If Going Into A Relationship For You Is To Rely Solely On Your Partner To Have Your Financial And Material Needs Met, Then You Are In For The Wrong Reasons.

WHAT TO DO ABOUT ALL OF THIS

If You Feel Like You End Up Repeating The Same Kind Of Painful Experience Or Situations In Your Relationships, And You Want To Get Off The Wheel... What Should You Do Now? Before You Do Anything, You Likely Need To Stop Letting Yourself Feel Out Of Control- Only You Own And Control Your Life. Once You Take The Control Back, You Can Start Taking Steps To Bring About The Change You Want.

A Great First Step Is To Seek Out Amazing Resources And Information That Will Help You Quickly Grow And Learn.

If You're Ready To Stop Getting In Relationships For All The Wrong Reasons, Take The Time To Help Yourself Let The Woman Inside Shine- The Woman Who A Man Will Quickly Fall For. If You're Ready For A Change, We Can Help.

Just Follow Up On Our Subsequent Articles, Or Send Me A Message Or Mail Exzeldee@gmail.com
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WHY IS FINDING TRUE LOVE SO CHALLENGING?

We All Have A Desire To Love And Be Loved. We Experience Different Levels Of Love From Parents, Siblings, Friends, And Others. But Most Of Us Also Want To Find That Special Someone We Can Share A Deeper Level Of Love With. Finding True Love Can Seem Incredibly Difficult, And It's Often Hard To Understand Why. A Big Question To Consider First Is, "What Is My Definition Of True Love?" Understanding What We Mean By "True Love" Can Help Us See What We're Really Seeking And Why Or Why Not It's Working.

The World Tosses Around The Word LOVE Very Loosely. LOVE Is Often Associated With Intense Feelings That, In Truth, Are Self-Centered And Non-Committal. In So Many TV Shows, We See Characters Who Follow Their Hormones And Have Sex Before Marriage. When "LOVE" Is Shallowly Rooted In Pleasant Emotions Or Physical Feelings, It Turns Off As Easily As It Was Turned On. NOW, There's Nothing Wrong With Wanting To Experience Good Emotions Toward The Person We Love; However, If That Is The Foundation Of The Relationship, The Relationship Is In Trouble. If The Kind Of "LOVE" We See Demonstrated In Today's Sex-Saturated Culture Is What We're Looking For, No Wonder It Seems Difficult To Find; It's Not True Love We're After But An Experience That, By Nature, Can't Last For Long.

The Bible Gives A Much Different Picture Of Love. TRUE LOVE Is Of GOD- In Fact, HE Is LOVE (1 John 4:8) And HE's The One Who Put The Need To Love And Be Loved In Us.

Therefore, Understanding HIS Design For Love Is Crucial. True Love, According To The Bible, Is Rooted In Sacrifice, Commitment, And An Impulse To Benefit The Loved One (See John 15:3). GOD's Love For Us Took HIS Only Begotten Son JESUS CHRIST To The Cross. WE Know For Certain That Jesus Was Not Experiencing "HAPPY" Emotions On His Way To The Cross (Luke 22:42-44).

The Bible Describes Our Relationship To Jesus As That Of A Bride And Bridegroom (Matthew 9:15; Ephesians 5:32). True Romantic Love Is Designed To Lead To And Grow Within A Marriage Commitment (Genesis 2:24) And Should Be Rooted In Sacrifice.

Any Number Of Things Could Make Finding True Love, According To GOD's Design, Difficult. Here We Will Focus On A Few Big Obstacles That We Face:

1) Thinking There Is Only One "Right" Person For Us:

This Is A Lie That Can Keep Us Fearful That We're Settling For Less Than The Best. Waiting For One's Perfect "Soul Mate" To Show Up Can Be A Long Wait. Whomever We Choose To Marry Becomes The "Right" One For Us, Because We've Made A Lifetime Commitment To That Person. The Bible Has Narrowed The Field: Our True Love Must Be A Believer Who Is Living For The Lord (2 Corinthians 6:14-15); Beyond That, GOD Will Provide Wisdom And Discernment (James 1:5). Except Of Course You Are A Non Believer Yourself!

2) Thinking That A Person Will Or Can Fulfill Us:

Only God Can Truly Fulfill Us, So We Don't Have To Find Romantic Love To Have A Sense Of Fulfillment! None Of Us Are Perfect, And To Expect Another Imperfect Human Being To Meet Every Need Is Unrealistic, Unhealthy, And Can Only Lead To Disappointment.

3). Not Being Willing To Change Or Grow:

It's Easy To Imagine The Kind Of Person We Would Love To Be In Love With, But How Much Effort Do We Expend In Becoming That Kind Of Person Ourselves? We All Have Our Own Issues That We Must Address With God's Help In Order To Be The Kind Of Person HE Desires Us To Be. It Can Be Tempting To Think That Finding True Love Will Magically Solve Those Issues. But Being In A Close Relationship With Someone Will Not Fix Our Problems; It Is More Likely To Expose Them More. This Can Be A Rewarding Part Of The Relationship, As Iron Sharpens Iron (Proverbs 27:17), If We Are Willing To Change And Grow. If We're Unwilling To Change, The Relationship Will Be Strained And Could Eventually Be Destroyed. This Does Not Mean That Every Personal Issue Must Be Dealt With Before We Get Married.

Rather, We Should Get Into The Practice Of Asking God To Show Us What Things Need To Be Cleaned Out Of Our Lives (Psalm 139:23). As We Become The People God Wants Us To Be, We Will Be Better Suited For Whatever Relationships Are In Store.

4). Thinking It's Too Late To Find True Love:

Finding True Love And Getting Married Is An Important Step And Not To Be Taken Lightly. A Cautious Step Is Better Than A Quick And Reckless One. Three Times, The Song Of Solomon Warns, "Do Not Arouse Or Awaken Love Until It So Desires" (Song Of Solomon 2:7; 3:5; 8:4). GOD's Timing Is Always Best.

We Know That GOD Cares About Our Desire To Find True Love. When We Fully Surrender That Desire To Him, We Release The Burden Of Trying To Make True Love Happen Ourselves (Matthew 11:29-30).

Love Is An Essential Quality Of God, And HE Shows Us In The Bible How Real, True Love Works. Redefining Love Or Trying To Find It Outside Of God's Design Is Asking For Frustration And Disillusionment.

Surrendering Our Desires To God, Submitting To His Will, And Finding Our Fulfillment In HIM Are The Keys To Finding True Love. "Take Delight In The Lord, And He Will Give You The Desires Of Your Heart" (Psalm 37:4).
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WHEN YOUR PARTNER BECOMES SILENT AND PULLS AWAY

Imagine This...

You've Just Come Home After A Busy Work Day And You Just Want To Relax But You Can't...

Without Looking At You Or Even A "Hello," Your Partner Immediately Starts Telling You What Has To Be Done That Evening.

And When You Don't Answer Because You're A Bit Overwhelmed By All Of It, Your Partner Starts Complaining That You Never Do Anything Around The House To Help And Wants To Talk About What's Wrong With Your Relationship.

You Try To Listen And Respond But The "Right" Words Just Don't Come And It Ends Up In A Horrific Fight And You Don't Know How It Happened.

Not A Lot Of Fun, Is It?

Pretty Much An Automatic Shut-Down, Isn't It?

I Know This Scenario Isn't True For Every Couple But It Is True For More Than You Can Imagine...

... Because Opposites Do Attract And This Very Moment In Time (Or Something Very Close To It) Really Is Familiar For Many Men And Women.

We Don't Like To Generalise But In Our Research, Many Women Want Their Man To Open Up And Are Frustrated Because He Won't Talk.

And Many Men Are Equally As Frustrated Because They Feel Pushed Into Talking And Sharing-- And Have Learned To Automatically Withdraw And Shut Down When She Even Looks Like She Wants To Talk.

Now Of Course Both Women And Men Do This Unconsciously And Most Are Just Automatically Doing What They Were Shown And Learned To Do To Get Their Needs Met Early In Their Lives.

But It Really Doesn't Have To Be That Way.

Infact, It's Just The Opposite.

You Don't Have To Go On Automatic Pilot And "Push" To Get Heard And Understood

And You Don't Have To Go Into Automatic Shut-Down Every Time Your Partner Starts To Talk To You.

You Can Learn To Provide A Safe Space For Your Partner To Open Up And Talk To You And Here Are 2 Steps That Can Help...

STEP 1:

It May Seem Counter-Intuitive But The Way To Create More Safety For Your Partner To Be Honest With You Is To Look At How You Listen To Him Or Her. Step Back And Look At Your Daily Interactions...

¤ Do You Constantly Make Your Partner Wrong, Even Over Little Things-- In The Guise Of Helping?

¤ Do You Jump To Finish His Or Her Sentences?

¤ Do You "Take Care Of Him" By Doing Emotions For Him Because You Think He's Too Uncomfortable To Do Them Himself? (e.g. Telling Him What He's Feeling When He May Not Feel That Way At All!)

If You Do These Things, Don't Beat Yourself Up-- But Know There's A Better Way To Have The Love And Connection You Want And You Can Learn It!

So STEP ONE Is Take An Assessment And Then Stop Doing What You May Be Doing Without Realising It To Push Your Partner Away.

STEP 2:

If You Do Step 1 And Your Partner Does Start To Reveal Himself Or Herself To You, Even In Small Bits And Pieces, Just Listen. Stop Yourself From Jumping In To Comment, To Make Him Or Her Wrong (Even If You Think You Don't Do This) Or Whatever Else Comes Naturally For You To Do That Pushes Your Partner Away.

The Trick Here Is To Learn How Your Partner's Automatic Shut-Down Happens As Well As Your Automatic Responses So You Can Take Another Course Of Action.

You Don't Have To Be Frustrated Because Your Partner Clams Up And Won't Talk To You.

You Can Learn How To Help Him Or Her To Open To You So Love Flows Freely Between The Two Of You
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IF YOU REALLY WANT SOMETHING YOU'LL FIND A WAY

"If You Really Want Something You'll Find A Way. If Not You'll Find An Excuse."

How Long Can You Hang In And Continue To Push? When Everyone Else Gives Up, Will You Be That One Person Who Continues To Strive For Greatness? Just Because It Is Hard To See A Way Out Doesn't Mean That There Isn't, So You Have To Continue To Hang On Even When It Seems Popular For Others To Let Go And Give Up.

Those Who Obtain Greatness Are Outnumbered By Those Who Aren't Ever Able To Achieve It Because It Takes A Lot Of Heart To Dare To Believe In Success That Seems So Far Out Of Reach.

You Have Not Yet Lived Your Best, And You Have To Do Your Part And Believe That More Success Is Coming Your Way. Believe That Though Things May Be Challenging Right Now, They Can And Will Change With An Unshakeable Faith, And A Very Determined Will, You'll Reach The High Places You Are Destined To Reach.
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WHAT ARE RICHES?

We Have To Know What It Means To Be Rich, And Where It Is That Successful People Make Their Money.

Does Being Rich Mean Having More Money Than Your Friends Or Family? Does It Mean Being Able To Compare Yourself To This Country's Or The World's Richest Men And Women, Or Does It Mean Never Having To Worry About Money Again? The Term Rich Can Vary Greatly, So What Does Being Rich Really Mean To You?

Virtually Anyone You Meet Wants To Be Rich In The Monetary Sense. Nearly Everyone In Life Wants To Make More Money. The Truth, However, Is That Being Truly Rich In Life Isn't Just About Having More Money. Many People Have Made The Mistake Of Believing This.

Money Should Be Seen As It Is- Just A Tool For Getting Things Done. The More Money You Have, The More Things You Can Get Done. You Must Realize Money Is Merely A Means To An End, And Not An End In Itself.

Being Truly Rich In Life Means Having Many, Many Other Things More Important Than Money, Such As More Fulfilling And Rewarding Relationships, Good Friends, A Satisfying Career, A Happy Family, And Enjoyment Of Life To The Fullest. It's About Living A Long And Healthy Life- Both Physically And Spiritually- Being Honest With Yourself And Others, And Having Strong Values And Beliefs. And It's About Maintaining And Emitting Positive Energy And Directing It Into Every Decision You Make, And Every Moment You Are Alive.

Many People Mistakenly Say, "If Only I Had More Money, I'd Be Happy." Money Can Certainly Make Life Easier, More Comfortable, More Secure. It Can Open More Doors, Take You Places You've Never Been, And Allow You To Meet People You'd Otherwise Never Have Met. But The Bad News Is That It Cannot Buy You Happiness. Many Unfortunate People Have Fallen Into This Trap And Don't Realize It Until It's Too Late. They Reach Their Goal Of Having A Very Big House, But Cannot Call It A Home- It's An Empty Place With No Warmth And No One To Share It With. They Have A Big Boat But No Real Friends To Sail It With Them. This Is The Ultimate Punishment- A Realization Too Late That They've Wasted Their Lives Pursuing The Wrong Thing.

The Pursuit Of Money Without Regard To Its Consequences Can Be A Very Disappointing And Unrewarding Experience. Anyone Who Is Rich Financially But Poor Emotionally And Spiritually Is Simply A Bankrupt Soul.

Such People Are Usually Surrounded By Others Who Are Similarly Misguided- Who Also Have Few True Values. THEY Continue To Spend Their Money In The Hope That The Next Purchase Of Something They Don't Need Will Give Them The Riches They're Seeking.

Being Financially Rich Can Fool Others Into Thinking You're Happy; However, You Cannot Run Away From Yourself And Cannot Lie To The One Person Who Really Knows You. BEING Rich Is About Striving For Balance In All Aspects Of Your Life. Your Challenge Is To Find The Balance That Is Right For You. THEN And Only Then Can You Declare Yourself Truly Rich.
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