WHO SHOULD MAKE THE FIRST MOVE WHEN IT COMES TO SEX

I Know This Topic Might Look A Bit Awkward Coming At This Time. But Something Triggered Reasons Why I Should Talk About This.

I Was Following Up On A Similar Question Asked In A Certain Forum, And It Perplexed Me To See 98.9% Of The Ladies In That Forum Saying Its A Man's Duty To Initiate Sex Or Rather Make The First Move When It Comes To Sex.

Seeing Those Response Basically Confirmed The Reason Why Many Marriages Are Experiencing What I Call "Sexual Paralysis" Or A Complete Loss Of Sexual Intimacy Between Couples.

Most Ladies Act Like Their Bodies Is Made Of Wood And Stones, Hence They Can't Be Moved Or Feel Anything Sexually. I Mean, Why Does It Have To Be The Man Who Should Initiate Sex All The Time? For Crying Out Loud, This Is Somebody You Call Your Husband... Somebody You Are Now One Flesh With. So Why Bring In The "Girlfriend Attitude" Into Your Marriage? A Case Where Your Boyfriend Has To Be The One Who Should Make The First Move, Because You Fear That Making The First Move Could Make Him Think You Are Slutty Or Lose.

The Fact That You Are Both Married Should Throw The Question Of Who Should Be The First To Initiate Sex Outside The Door. Because You Both Are Free To Make The First Move When You Feel You Need Each Other Sexually. Just Imagine A Case Of You Dating A Guy, And Everytime You Are The One Who Always Calls... Wouldn't That Make You Feel Less Appreciated Or Wanted? Now Bring That Picture Into This Issue Where It Always Has To Be The Man Initiating Sex All The Time.

As Much As You Want Your Man To Make You Feel Attractive And Wanted, You Should Also Know That Men Also Want To Feel Attractive And Wanted By Their Spouse Too! So Don't Make It A Must Or Priority That It Has To Be The Man Who Makes The Move. A Lot Of Marriages Have Crumbled, And Some Are Experiencing Challenges Due To This. And The Worst Is That Most Women Don't Know What The Problem Is, Because Most Men Wouldn't Address Or Communicate The Issue Verbally, So As To Avoid Unnecessary Fall Out.

And How Do They Communicate This? You'd Notice The Man Would Gradually Start Slowing Down His Approach To Sex, And This Is The Point Where Most Women Start Thinking The Man Is Having An Extra-Marital Affair... Which Often Isn't True. However, The Situation Might Deteriorate To A Point Whereby The Man Might Start Keeping Another Sexual Partner, Not Because He Is That Interested In Having An Affair, But Because Some Other Lady Makes Him Feel Attractive And Wanted Sexually.

This Is Not A Good Reason Any Man To Start Cheating, But The Truth Remains That Such Things Can Trigger Most Men To Start Cheating. Don't Forget That CHEATING Is A Habit That Is Formed By Circumstances, And Circumstances Determines If It Will Continue Or Stop.

For Ladies Who May Not Want To Be Too Direct When It Comes To Making The First Move Sexually, You Can Start By Sometimes Giving Him A Long Look And A Knowing Smile To Get The Message Across...

But At Other Times You Also Need To Be A Bit More Explicit.

Try Whispering: "I Want You" Quietly In His Ear While You're Out With Friends, Sending Him A Cheeky Text Message At Work, Or Letting Your Hands Wander All Over Him While You're Watching TV, To Make Your Intentions Crystal Clear!

If You're Shy About It, A Long, Deep, Lingering Kiss Is The First Step To The Bedroom!

Send Him A Flirty Message When You're Both Out With The Same Group Of Friends. Getting A Hot Text From You While You're Sat Opposite Him In The Pub Will Have Him Jumping Over That Table To Take You Home.

Be Spontaneous, Don't Be Too Rigid Or Conventional, And Quit Being Too Religious When It Comes To Sex With Your Partner.

NOTE That A Marriage That Is Sexually Dysfunctional, A Marriage That Has Lost Its Sexual Attractiveness, A Marriage That Is Sexually Deficient, Is A Marriage Heading For The Rocks.

So As A Lady, Stop Being Too Sexually Rigid. Make Your Man Feel Sexually Wanted And Attractive, And You'd Marvel At The Wonders Such A Move And Gesture Would Do To Your Marriage That Has Lost Its Sexuality.

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GOOD TRAITS THAT MAY POINT YOU IN THE WRONG DIRECTION IN A RELATIONSHIP

I Believe Majority Of Us Are Familiar With The Idiom "Red Herrings". Well, For Those Who Don't... Red Herring Are Those Clues Or Events That Seem Important, But Only Take The Viewer In The Wrong Direction And Away From The Real Solution. In The Real World Of Dating, Red Herrings Are All Too Common. Traits And Things That Seem Important, Impressive Or Even Disappointing Early On May Turn Out To Be False Leads That Point Us In The Wrong Direction.

In The Early Stages Of A Relationship You Have To Make Decisions With Little Bits Of Information. So We All Look For Indicators To Help Us Choose To Go Forward Or Go Away. Some Of These Traits Are Good Indicators And Some Can Be Very Misleading. Not Because They Are Bad Things, Necessarily, But Because They Don't Tell You Much About Whether The Person Will Be A Good Partner For You. Putting Too Much Faith In These Litmus Tests Can Have You Wasting Time And Energy On Someone Who Was Never Really Right For You.

A LIFE DEDICATED TO FUN:

What If You Discover That Your New Guy/Girl Is Really About Fun, Frivolity, And Distraction. There Are People Who Work Hard And Play Hard, And Then Some Just Play Hard. At A Certain Point You'll Probably Want To Have A Sense That Your Good Time Charlie Has A Deeper Level And Deeper Goals Than Just Putting Food On The Table And Seeking The Next Thrill. Seeing A Person Once Or Twice A Week And Having A Great Time Can Be Intoxicating. MAKE Sure You Don't Let This Blind You To The Other Elements That You Need To See Before Moving Forward.

EXCEPTIONAL GIFTS:

Intelligence Can Be Impressive. In Fact, Some Of Us Have Left A First Date And Been Bowled Over By The Exceptional Brilliance Of The Person We Just Met. You Can't Help But Think, "Wow, That Person Is Really Smart, And They Are Attracted To Me?" It Can Feel Flattering And Increase Our Attraction. But Certainly, We Know That Truly Brilliant People Make For Difficult Partners. The Same Is True For Talented People. The Eccentricity Of Talent Can Make A Life Together Maddening. The Point Is Not That Your Exceptional Date Is A Bad Person, Waiting To Make Your Tougher, But Rather That You Shouldn't Be Dazzled By Their Gifts.

FINANCIAL SUCCESS:

Money Certainly Isn't A Bad Thing, But It Tells You So Little About The Person Who Has It. Some People Have Money Because They Are Willing To Work 80 Hours A Week, Eating And Sleeping Their Job. Is That A Partner You'd Like To Have? Some People Have Money Because Their Parents Left It To Them. They Have Never Worked And Have No Work Ethic. Is This A Person That Sounds Like A Good Partner To You? Some People Have Money And A Balanced Well-Ordered Life. It's Impossible To Know Without A Great Deal More Information.

THE JOKER:

A Jokey Person Is Quite Different From A Fun Person. A Jokester Is A Person Who Rattles Off One-Liners The Entire Night. You Get The Feeling They Could've Been A Stand-Up Comedian.

We All Like To Laugh, And Being On A First Date With A Joker Can Be A BLast, But Unlike Some Of These Traits That May Hide Unpleasant Behaviour, The Joker May Cause Trouble By Just Continuing To Be Himself. One Night Of Jokes Can Be Great. Two Weeks Of Jokes May Be Torture. Also, A Person Who Cannot Be Serious May Have Serious Issues That They Are Avoiding.

NO RELATIONSHIP BAGGAGE:

He's 38 And Never Married. No Bad Break-Ups. NO Angry Exes. No Past Heartache. It Seems Too Good To Be True. Maybe It Is Good, And Maybe It Means He Has Never Been In A Real Relationship. Maybe He Has Never Done The Hard Work Of Trying To Make A Relationship Work. Maybe He Just Runs Before It Gets Serious, And Maybe You Would Get To Teach Him All These Skills And Hope That It Works Out.

Baggage Can Be Annoying, But It Can Also Be The Proof That A Person Is Strong, Tempered, And Willing To Really Love You.

THE CHARMER:

It Is Graceless Age In Many Ways. We're Short On Social Niceties And Long On Convenience And Efficiency. So, When We Meet A Charming Person It Can Feel Wonderful. It Can Cause Us To Lower Our Guard And Look Past A Whole Host Of Issues. Just Remember, Charm For Your Parents And Friends Is A Wonderful Thing To See, But It's Just One Thing You Need To Know About Your New Person.

STATUS:

Most People Choose Their Mates Based On Approximately 5 Personality Traits. One Of The Five Is Status. Do You Feel Like The New Person Is Of Your Status In Life Or Higher? Women Tend To Value This More Than Men, But It Is Important To Both Genders. The Problem Is That Status, Unlike Some Things, Is Subject To Change. It Is Also A Product Of Behaviour- Like Financial Standing. You May Like That Your New Husband Is A Mover And Shaker, But Not Like He Plays Golf 20 Hours A Week To Be That Way.

LOT OF FRIENDS:

She Has Lots Of Friends. Good Thing Right? Probably. But It's Very Important That You Meet These Friends And See Her Interact With Them. IS It A Group Of Equals? Is She Too Eager To Please? Is She Dependent On These Friends? DOES She Want Them Around All The Time, Short Changing Your Alone Time? What If Her Friends Are Mostly Men? THAT introduces A New Series Of Questions. There's No Shortcut To Learning About A Person's Nature. Friends Are The Kind Of Indicator That Require Deeper Knowledge.

CLOSE WITH HIS/HER FAMILY:

A Family Person! WHO Wouldn't Be Thrilled To Be With Someone Who Values Family? Have You Ever Seen, Arrested Development? JUST Knowing That A Person Loves To Be With Their Family Is The Tip Of The Knowledge Iceberg. Will You Like Their Family? Will The Family Be In On Every Decision You Make As A Couple? Some Families Are Like Quicksand And Some Are A Blessing. You'll Need More Info To Know Which You Have.

REALLY LAID BACK:

If Your Life Is Harried And Hectic, Spending The Evening With A Very Laid Back Person Can Be A Treat. Their Entire Demeanor Puts You At Ease, And You May End The Night Feeling As If You've Had A Restful Meditation. This Is A Great Place To Start A Relationship. Its Important To Realise That If You Were To End Up Together This Super Laid Back Style Is Going To Need To Be Mixed With Some Proactive Energy. You're Going To Need A Spark. You're Going To Need Passion And Willingness To Make The Relationship Deeper And More Connected. If You Are The Only One Bringing These Things To The Relationship You'll Likely Resent His/Her Lack Of Initiative.

THE ATTENTIVE DATER:

Many People Dream Of Being With An Attentive Person, Especially If They've Spent Time Dating Someone Who Was Less Than Interested In Them. SO, If You Find That Your New Love Is An Attentive Person, That's Great. Just Don't Use That Trait As Some Kind Of Super Qualifier For A Deeper Relationship. Because What Feels Special And Attentive Early On, May Seem Clingy, Needy, And Sad Later On. You Want This New Person To Have An Interest In You, And To Have An Interest In Their Own Life.
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ARE YOU HAVING AN EMOTIONAL AFFAIR?

A Soul Mate Relationship Is Based On Trust, Commitment, And A Strong Desire To Be Together. Still, Despite This Bond, It's Also True That Your Hearts Will Be Stretched In Countless Ways. The Danger, Especially During Challenging Times, Is That You May Be Vulnerable To Having An Emotional Affair. This Can Damage Trust And Stop You From Surrendering To The Growth Needed For Your Relationship.

What Is An Emotional Affair? I Describe It As When You Turn To A Friend Or Co-Worker For Emotional (Not Physical) Intimacy. The Seduction Is That This Person Gives You What You Feel Your Mate Doesn't: Support, Ego Boosts, Empathy, Playfulness, An Undercurrent Of Flirting Or Attraction.

Initially, This Can Seem Innocent But You May Begin To Share More With This "Safe" Person Than With Your Mate. I Understand How It Can Be Easier To Talk To Someone Sympathetic Who's More Peripheral. You're Not Wrestling With The Same Hot-Button Emotions Such As Anger Or Disappointment That Can Arise With A Soul Mate. Your Dark Sides Aren't Engaged, Which Is What Causes Most Impasses Among Couples.

However, If You Keep Sharing With Your Special Friend And Not Your Spouse, Your Primary Relationship Will Suffer. You'll Become Distant, Less Present, And Therefore Less Able To Resolve Conflicts. Your Partner Will Sense Something Is Wrong. Basically, These Affairs Are A Form Of Cheating, And Like Any Infidelity Can Lead To Deception And Betrayal. In Fact, Research Reports That About Half Of These "Innocent" Liaisons Eventually Turn Into Full Blown Sexual Affairs.

With A True Platonic Soul Friend, There's No Deception, Hidden Sexual Agenda, Nor Is Anyone Diverting Your Emotional Energy From Your Primary Relationship.

How Do You Know You're Having An Emotional Affair?

Watch For These Signs:

You Withdraw From Your Spouse But Confide In Your Friend.

It's Difficult To Talk To Your Spouse About Conflicts.

You Feel Lonely And That Your Spouse Doesn't Appreciate You.

You're Frequently Online With Your Friend, Texting, Or Even Sexting.

You Believe Your Friend Understands You Better Than Your Spouse.

You Keep Your Friendship A Secret From Your Spouse Or Lie About How Often You Interact.

When You're Confronted With The Emotional Affair, You Deny It.

If Five To Seven Signs Are Present, It Strongly Suggests You're Having An Emotional Affair. Three To Four Signs Indicate That You're Either Primed To Have One Or You Already Are. One To Two Signs Suggest The Possibility Of An Emotional Affair. Zero Yeses Indicate That You Are Not Involved With One.

It Takes Honesty To Admit You're Having An Emotional Affair. The First Step Is To Recognise What's Happening. Then You Have The Choice To Either Continue The Affair Or Decide To Focus On Your Partner. The Truth Is, You Can't Do Both. If You Choose Your Partner, You Must Surrender To Doing What It Takes To Heal The Relationship.

First, This Means Cutting Off The Emotional Affair. In A Respectful, Clear Way You Must Tell The Other Person, "I Can't Cyber-CHAT, Text, Meet Up With You, Or Talk On The Phone Anymore. It's Not Possible For Us To Be 'Just Friends.' "

Then, Openly Talk To Your Partner About What's Causing The Distance. Is It His Or Her Long Hours At Work? A Lingering Hurt? Lack Of Affection? Many Therapists Recommend Confessing Your Emotional Affair. In Most Cases I Agree, But How And Whether You Decide To Do This Depends On What Will Be Most Caring And Helpful To Your Partner. At The Very Least, I Suggest That Patiently Lovingly Communicate, "I've Been Sharing My Feelings More With A Friend Than I Have With You. This Doesn't Feel Right. I Want Us To Be Closer." Or You Can Acknowledge That You've Crossed A Line And How Far You've Crossed It. Use Your Intuition As A Guide For How Much You Want To Share. But Be Prepared For Your Partner's Hurt And Angry Feelings.

Listen Without Getting Defensive. Then, Together Or With A Therapist, Begin To Address Where You've Grown Apart Or Shut Down. Despite Great Pain, Soul Mates Have What It Takes To Withstand Difficulty Until Things Are Resolved. It May Take Time, Awareness, And Love, But With Bonds As Strong As These, I Know It's Possible.

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WAYS TO KNOW IF YOUR NEW PARTNER IS TRUSTWORTHY

Your New Relationship Is Off To A Positive Start, And Your Hopes Are Getting Higher This One May Last A Long Time. But These Days, It's Hard To Know If You Can Really Trust Someone. How Can You Know For Sure?

It's True That A Person's Trustworthiness Can Only Be Measured Overtime, Since Words And Actions Are Revealed (And Assessed) Month After Month. Still, In The Early Stages Of A Relationship, There Are Helpful Signs To Watch For:

1. OBSERVE THE OTHER PEOPLE IN YOUR PARTNER'S LIFE:

Does He/She Have Long-standing Friendships And Professional Relationships Built On Trust? Do People Comment On Your Partner's Dependability? You Can Tell A Lot About A Person's Character By The Calibre Of His Other Relationships.

2. TAKE YOUR TIME GETTING TO KNOW THE PERSON:

The Longer You Know Someone, The Harder It Is For That Person To Keep From Showing His Or Her True Colours.

3. BELIEVE THAT "ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS:"

People Who Are Trustworthy Don't Spend A Lot Of Time Telling You How Trustworthy They Are. They Just Live It.

4. NOTICE HOW EVERYDAY COMMITMENTS ARE HANDLED:

Does He/She Show Up On Time? Does He/She Follow Through On His/Her Promises? Being Reliable With Little Things Should Give You Confidence About The Big Issues.

5. LISTEN FOR GOSSIP:

Spreading Rumours Is A Form Of Backstabbing- Breaking Someone's Trust Without Their Ever Knowing It.

6. BE ATTENTIVE TO EXAGGERATION:

Does He/She Say Things That Seem Too Good To Be True? If So, They Might Be.

7. BEWARE OF BLAME SHIFTING:

Trustworthy People Take Responsibility For Their Mistakes Rather Than Blaming Others.

8. BE ALERT TO EVASIVENESS:

If Your Partner Is Defensive Or Sensitive When You Ask Simple Questions About Where He/She Has Been, The Person May Be Hiding Something And Is Afraid You'll Put Two And Two Together.

9. DON'T BE FOOLED BY FLATTERY:

Does Your New Partner Promise You The Stars And Moon? Are His/Her Compliments Over The Top? Behind The Flattering Words, Does He Seem Driven By His Own Agenda And Needs, Rather Than A Sincere Interest In Getting To Know You And Your Needs?

10. DON'T DISMISS FLIRTING:

If You Notice Your Date Flirting With Someone Other Than You, Neon Lights Should Illuminate In Your Brain. Flirting Or Checking Out Other People In Your Presence Is A First Cousin Of Untrustworthiness.

11. SNIFF OUT SECRETIVENESS:

Do You Feel Closed Out To Certain Aspects Of Your Partner's Life? If So, You Have To Wonder What Lies Behind Those Cordoned-Off Areas. Secrets Arouse Suspicion- And Often For Good Reason.

12. BE WARY OF "Little White Lies."

Someone Who Bends The Truth "A Little" In The Early Stages Of A Romance Is Likely To Shred It To Pieces Later On. If You've Caught Your New Partner In A Seemingly Innocent Lie, Watch Out!

13. WATCH FOR INCONSISTENCY:

Deceptive People Must Work Hard To Keep Track Of What They Have Said, And To Whom. When The Details Of A Story Don't Add Up Or Keep Changing Over Time, It May Be A Sign That You're Not Getting The Straight Scoop.

14) TRUST UNTIL YOU ARE CONVINCED YOU SHOULDN'T:

If You've Been Burned In The Past, You May Feel Your Partner Isn't Entitled To Your Trust Until He/She "Earns" It. But An Untrusting Attitude Can Sabotage A Growing Relationship. Believe The Best About Your Partner- And He Might Be Motivated To Live Up To Your High Expectations.

15. ASK DIRECT QUESTIONS:

If You Suspect The Other Person Is Not Being Completely Honest And Forthcoming, Remember That You Are Entitled To The Truth. Don't Let Smokescreens Deter You From Getting A Straight Answer.

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SIGNS YOUR RELATIONSHIP IS GOOD AS OVER

Once The Honeymoon Period Is Over Most Relationships Fall Into A Comfortable Pattern That Might Be Short On The Fireworks Of The First Year, But Provides A Stability And Intimacy That Feels Great.

However, If That Comfortable Groove Has Started To Feel More Like An Apathetic Rut It Might Be Time To Take A Long, Hard Look At Your Relationship And See If It's Likely To Stand The Test Of Time. Here Are Some Ways To Tell If Your Relationship Is On The Rocks...

1. YOU DON'T COMMUNICATE

If You Come Home From Work, Stick The Telly On And Don't Speak To Each Other Beyond The Occasional "Pass The Crisps", You're In Trouble.

Communication Is The Key To Every Relationship And Without It Minor Issues Can Flare Up Into Fights And You'll Both End Up Feeling Unloved And Indifferent. If You Don't Want To Talk To Each Other About How Your Day Was Or Chat And Laugh Together Anymore, It's A Clear Sign That You're Losing Interest.

2. YOU IMAGINE LIFE WITHOUT YOUR PARTNER:

If You Find Yourself Constantly Having Daydreams That Fail To Feature Your Partner It's Time To Ask Yourself Some Questions. You Might Long For A Home Free Of Their Clutter And Chat, Or Fantasise About A Date With That Hot New Colleague, Or Wish You Could Just Take A Holiday Alone: Whatever It Is, You've Started To Emotionally Detach.

3. YOU RARELY HAVE SEX:

Once The Initial Excitement Of A New Relationship Has Worn Off You Will Naturally Have A Bit Less Sex, But A Strong Desire For Your Partner And Regular Sex Make For A Healthy, Functioning Relationship. It May Just Be That Your Sex Life Has Got A Little Bit Routine And Injecting Some Zest With A Little Bit Of Experimentation Will Put Things Back On An Even Keel, But If You Still Aren't Feeling It, Its Probably Time To Wave Goodbye.

4. YOU PICK FIGHTS:

If You Find Your Partner Irritating And Can't Resist Constantly Picking Them Up On Their Habits Then The Writing Is On The Wall. Relationships Require Empathy, Compassion And Compromise To Keep Going, So If You've Jacked All That In Favour Of Snapping And Bickering It's Time To Get Out Of There.

5. YOU FORGET ABOUT THE LITTLE THINGS:

Whilst Big Gestures Are Thrilling And Romantic They Don't Help Maintain A Relationship On A Day-TO-Day Level. A Recent Study Funded By The Economic Science And Research Council Found That The Simple Things- Such As Bringing Your Partner A Cup Of Tea In Bed- Nurture A Relationship Much More Than Grand Romantic Gestures. If You've Forgotten About Those Little Things And Rarely Think To Do Anything For Your Partner, From Offering Them A Cuppa To Giving Them A Cuddle, Then It's Time To Forget About The Whole Thing And Move On.
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