You've Just Come Home After A Busy Work Day And You Just Want To Relax But You Can't...
Without Looking At You Or Even A "Hello," Your Partner Immediately Starts Telling You What Has To Be Done That Evening.
And When You Don't Answer Because You're A Bit Overwhelmed By All Of It, Your Partner Starts Complaining That You Never Do Anything Around The House To Help And Wants To Talk About What's Wrong With Your Relationship.
You Try To Listen And Respond But The "Right" Words Just Don't Come And It Ends Up In A Horrific Fight And You Don't Know How It Happened.
Not A Lot Of Fun, Is It?
Pretty Much An Automatic Shut-Down, Isn't It?
I Know This Scenario Isn't True For Every Couple But It Is True For More Than You Can Imagine...
... Because Opposites Do Attract And This Very Moment In Time (Or Something Very Close To It) Really Is Familiar For Many Men And Women.
We Don't Like To Generalise But In Our Research, Many Women Want Their Man To Open Up And Are Frustrated Because He Won't Talk.
And Many Men Are Equally As Frustrated Because They Feel Pushed Into Talking And Sharing-- And Have Learned To Automatically Withdraw And Shut Down When She Even Looks Like She Wants To Talk.
Now Of Course Both Women And Men Do This Unconsciously And Most Are Just Automatically Doing What They Were Shown And Learned To Do To Get Their Needs Met Early In Their Lives.
But It Really Doesn't Have To Be That Way.
Infact, It's Just The Opposite.
You Don't Have To Go On Automatic Pilot And "Push" To Get Heard And Understood
And You Don't Have To Go Into Automatic Shut-Down Every Time Your Partner Starts To Talk To You.
You Can Learn To Provide A Safe Space For Your Partner To Open Up And Talk To You And Here Are 2 Steps That Can Help...
STEP 1:
It May Seem Counter-Intuitive But The Way To Create More Safety For Your Partner To Be Honest With You Is To Look At How You Listen To Him Or Her. Step Back And Look At Your Daily Interactions...
¤ Do You Constantly Make Your Partner Wrong, Even Over Little Things-- In The Guise Of Helping?
¤ Do You Jump To Finish His Or Her Sentences?
¤ Do You "Take Care Of Him" By Doing Emotions For Him Because You Think He's Too Uncomfortable To Do Them Himself? (e.g. Telling Him What He's Feeling When He May Not Feel That Way At All!)
If You Do These Things, Don't Beat Yourself Up-- But Know There's A Better Way To Have The Love And Connection You Want And You Can Learn It!
So STEP ONE Is Take An Assessment And Then Stop Doing What You May Be Doing Without Realising It To Push Your Partner Away.
STEP 2:
If You Do Step 1 And Your Partner Does Start To Reveal Himself Or Herself To You, Even In Small Bits And Pieces, Just Listen. Stop Yourself From Jumping In To Comment, To Make Him Or Her Wrong (Even If You Think You Don't Do This) Or Whatever Else Comes Naturally For You To Do That Pushes Your Partner Away.
The Trick Here Is To Learn How Your Partner's Automatic Shut-Down Happens As Well As Your Automatic Responses So You Can Take Another Course Of Action.
You Don't Have To Be Frustrated Because Your Partner Clams Up And Won't Talk To You.
You Can Learn How To Help Him Or Her To Open To You So Love Flows Freely Between The Two Of You
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