Ex (Even If You Know The Breakup Is For The Best), You're Feeling
Miserable And Crying Often, Or Maybe You Just Feel Numb And Empty. You
Might Be Second-Guessing Yourself, Feeling Bad About Yourself, Having
Trouble Concentrating At Work, And Can't Sleep Or Eat Normally.
My First Suggestion Is To Definitely Seek Professional Help If It
Feels Unmanageable- Most People Who Get Help Find Relief From Their
Symptoms. When You're Ready, Ease Back Into Dating By Considering The
Following:
1¤ WHEN YOU'RE DEPRESSED, THERE'S A TENDENCY TO EXCESSIVELY SEEK
REASSURANCE WHEN ENTERING A NEW RELATIONSHIP:
Excessive Reassurance Seeking Means That You Are Looking To Your Date
To Boost Your Self-Esteem By Confirming That You're Worthy And
Lovable. You Look For Signs That The Person Really Like You, And Then
Even When You Receive Those Signs, You May Question Them. How Much
Does The Person Really Like You? Are They Really Going To Stick
Around? You May Ask For COnfirmation Of How Much They Really Care For
You. This Type Of Behaviour Can Be Overwhelming And A Turn Off To
Potential Dates If You're Constanly Questioning How They Feel About
You.
Instead, Gently Remind Yourself. That Your Depressed Mood Can Make You
Extra Sensitive And Insecure, And Remember That There's A Certain
Amount Of Trust And Faith You Need To Put In A New Person Your
Developing A Relation With. Remind Yourself That Asking For
Reassurance All The Time Won't Really Help You Strengthen Your New
Relationship, It Can Hurt It, Instead, Focus On Giving Yourself
Affirmations- Focusing On Your Own Sense Of Self-Worth. And Rather
Than Seek Reassurance, You Can Simply Notice How You Feel When You're
Around Your Partner. If They Are Treating You Well, Are Interested In
Seeing You, And Are Treating You Consistently Well, Then Let Their
Actions Serve As Reassurance To You-Without Having To Ask For It.
2¤ THE TIMING DOESN'T HAVE TO BE PERFECT:
When You're Depressed After A Difficult Breakup, It Can Be Really Hard
To Know When It Is Time To Start Dating Again. On One Hand, You Need
To Give Yourself Time To Heal-The First Days Or Weeks After An Intense
Breakup, You May Not Be In A Great Place To Date And It's Okay And
Completely Normal Not To Want To Date. Take Some Time To Reflect On
The Relationship: What Did You Learn From It? What Do You Want To Be
Different In Your Next Relationship? Self-Reflection Can Be Helpful,
But Be Aware That Too Much Self-Reflection Can Become Ruminating-Going
Over The Same Problems Or Regrets Over And Over, Which Can Keep You
Stuck In Depression Rather Than Moving Forward. Next, Recognize That
You Don't Always Have To Be 100% Over Your Ex In Order To Start Dating
Again. Depression Makes You Feel Helpless, So Sometimes Getting Out
And Dating Again Helps You Feel More In Control Of Your Life. Plus,
Meeting Someone New Can Be Really Wonderful.
3¤ STRATEGIZE WHEN PLANNING:
Since You're More Vulnerable To Feeling Rejected Or Upset If A Date
Doesn't Go Well, Make Sure You Plan Activities With Your Friends After
A Date, And Don't Stake All Of Your Happiness On The Success Of One
Date. Make Dating A Fun Part Of Your Life Rather Than The Center Of
It.
4¤ MAKE AN EFFORT TO FOCUS ON YOUR DATE:
Depression Can Make You Very Aware Of Your Own Inner Pain And
Suffering- Your Focus Becomes Overly Internal. This Can Make It Hard
To Be Truly Interested In Someone Else. And Yet To Really Connect With
Someone New, There Has To Be A Willingness To Earn About Them. A Good
Strategy Is To Stay Engaged With Your Date By Asking Them Questions,
And Making An Effort To Really Listen When They Answer. Not Only Will
This Help You Connect With Them, But It Can Your Improve Your Mood
When You're Actively Engaged In A Discussion.
5¤ REMIND YOURSELF THAT THE FUTURE DOES HOLD POSSIBILITY:
Depression Makes Your Own Future Look Bleak: It Tricks You Into
Believing The Future Doesn't Hold Promise For Your Love Life, And
Keeps You Hyper-Focused On The Negative Side Of Things.
You Are Much More Prone To Focusing On Your Own Perceived Negative
Qualities, And Seeing Things Generally With More Pessimism. While You
Certainly Don't Have To Pretend That Everything Is Roses, I Suggest
Trying To Identify One Positive Thing Daily About Your Life That Will
Help You Reframe Your Mindset. Remind Yourself Of The Good Friends You
Have, Celebrate When Things Go Well At Work, Or Call To Mind Past
Positive Experiences You've Had In Dating. If It's Hard To Identify
Favourable Things, Enlist The Help Of A Friend. Sometimes A Friend Or
Family Member Who Knows You Well Can See The Positive Things In You
And In Your Life That You May Have Trouble Recognizing. In Addition To
This, Plan Things For Yourself That Help You Anticipate And Look
Forward To The Future.
6¤ REMEMBER TO BE KIND TO YOURSELF:
Negative Self-Talk, Like "I'm A Failure" Or "No One Wants Me" Or
"Things Will Never Get Better" Can Be So Defeating, And You Can Start
To Believe All Of The Negative Things About Yourself And Your Dating
Prospects. So Pay Attention To These Thought Patterns. When You Notice
A Negative Thought, Label It "Thats A Negative Thought" Or "That's A
Depressed Thought", And Gently Let It Go.
