WHEN YOUR PARENTS DON'T APPROVE THE PERSON YOU ARE DATING

Finding Someone To Love Who Loves You In Return Is Difficult.

Learning How To Deal With Conflicts Within That Relationship Can Be Extremely Painful, As Well.

But It's Entirely Different When, For Some Reason, You Discover Your Parent(s) Don't Approve Of The Person You Are Dating.

It Can Make Any Dating Relationship Devastating And Put Strain On Your Home Life.

You Want Your Parents To Love And Admire The Person You've Chosen. Instead, They Can't See Past Their Own Traditions, Values, Or Prejudices. They Don't See Your Sweetheart Or Spouse For The Wonderful Person He Or She Is. All They See Is Something Wrong- With A Capital W. You Feel Caught Between Them. You Love And, Yes, Respect Your Parents But You Also Love And Admire Your Partner.

Bridging The Divide Is Important. If You And The Person You Love Aren't Clear About Your Commitment And The Compromises You Are Willing To Make To Be Together, The Constant Disapproval, Whether Stated Or Seething Under The Surface, Can Undermine Your Relationship. THE Child Of The Disapproving Parents Is Caught In A Terrible Bind. Listening To And Responding To Either Side Makes The Other Feel Abandoned, Unloved Or Disrespected. The Partner Who Is The Focus Of Dislike May Feel Constantly Under Pressure To Prove Her Or Himself To Be Worthy. IF Unrewarded, The Efforts Can Soon Turn To Resentment And Anger That Spills Into The Relationship.

Fortunately, There Are Less Drastic Solutions Than The Romantic Death Scene In Romeo And Juliet. Like Tevye In Fiddler Or Robert In Downton Abbey, There Are Parents Who Eventually Accept Their Adult Children's Choices And Even Give Their Blessing. But It Takes Work And Willingness. It Doesn't Happen By Magic Or By Argument.

The Following Are How To Go About It...

1. Don't Keep Your Relationship A Secret:

When You Discover Your Parents Strongly Disapprove Of Your Bf/Gf, Your First Inclination Will Be To Pull Away From Them And Continue Your Dating Relationship Behind Their Back. This Doesn't Do Anybody Any Good. Never Secretly Date Someone Your Parents Don't Want You To Date.
Having Secrets And Lies Between You And Your Parents Ruins Trust And Causes Needless Stress And Drama. Besides, Do Make Sure Both Of You Agree About Compromises In Order To Be Together. MAKE Sure You Are Sure. There Is No Point In Confronting Your Parents With Something That Isn't Going To Last.

2. Don't Meet Criticism With Criticism:

Your Parents' Values, Traditions, And Feelings Have Helped Make You Who You Are. They Have Been The Guiding Light For Perhaps Generations And Have Been Central To Your Family's Identity. Putting Down Your Family History Isn't Honest Or Helpful. Do Be Compassionate The Older Generation Clings To Their Attitudes And Opinions Because It Helps Them Feel Safe In A Changing World. Their Intentions Are Probably Good. Find Ways To Reassure Your Family Of Origin That You Appreciate And Honour Your Past While You Are Also Becoming Part Of The Global Community That Includes People From Other Walks Of Life.

3. Don't Meet Parental Disapproval With Defensiveness And Arguments:

Defensiveness Implies That There Is Something To Defend. Arguing Implies You Can Be Argued Out Of It. DO Respond To Their Concerns With Respect And Clarity. Acknowledge That A Cross-Cultural Marriage Is Going To Be Difficult. Express Your Sadness That They Feel The Way They Do. Affirm Your Love For Them And Your General Respect For Their Opinions But Be Clear That You Have Made Your Decision. Quite Certainly Is Far More Effective Than Angry Words.

4. Don't Use Your Partner:

Don't Use Your Partner To Make A Political Point, To Educate Your Parents, Or To Give Yourself An Ally. It's Not Fair To The Person Who Loves You To Be Used As A Pawn In An Ongoing Fight You Are Having With Your Parents About Such Things As Religion, Race, Or Status. It May Feel Good To Have A Supporter In The Battle But "Us Against Them" Isn't Enough Of A Basis For A Lasting Relationship. Do Be Clear About Your Own Motives. Make Sure You Love The Person For Who He Or She Is In Their Entirety, Not Because You Like The Drama Of Choosing Someone Who Has A Significantly Different Family Background.

5. Don't Take A Side:

Your Lover's Or Your Mother's. This Isn't About Winning And Losing. It's About Reconstructing Everyone's Idea Of Family. DO Your Best To Negotiate Compromises, Understanding, Or At Least Respectful Disagreement. When You Have To Turn Down Someone's Demands Or Requests, Be Clear That It Doesn't Mean That You Don't Love Them. It Means That It Doesn't Fit With The Kind Of Family You Want To Make.

As Our World Becomes Smaller Through Social Media And Increased Ease Of Travel, More And More People Are Finding Themselves In Love With Someone Their Parents Never Considered As A Suitable Mate. It's Hard On Everyone. If People Dig In Their Heels, The Consequences Can Be Terribly Hurtful And Long-Lasting.

Bend When You Can, Just Because It's Easier For The Younger Generation To Bend A Bit As People Get To Know Each Other. However, The Painful Bottom Line Is This: If Your Parents Persist In Not Accepting The Situation, Your First Loyalty Is To Your Partner. This Is The Person You Have Chosen To Make A Life With. Even If Your Parents Threaten Never To See You Again, To Treat You As Dead, Or To Cut You Out Of The Will, Loving Your Partner Means Living With Those Consequences. If You're Not Prepared To Do That, It's Only Fair To Your Partner And To Yourself To End The Relationship.

Hopefully, It Won't Come To That. Parents Usually Don't Want To Lose You Any More Than You Want To Lose Them. Hopefully, When Your Parents See That You Are Committed To The Person You Love And The Life You Have Chosen, They, Like Tevye In Fiddler And Robert In Downton, Will Come Around.
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WHY SOME WOMEN STAY IN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIPS

Why Would A Woman Stay In A Relationship With A Guy Who Puts Her Down, Hems Her In, And Perhaps Even Physically Abuses Her? Why Would A Woman Hold Down Jobs To Keep The Rent Paid And Food On The Table While Her Boyfriend Sits Around Smoking Weed All Day? WHY Oh Why Would A Woman Allow Herself To Be Emotionally Blackmailed By Her Boyfriend's Threats That He Will Kill Himself Or Her Or Both If She Even Talks About Leaving A Relationship That's Going Nowhere?

There's No Easy Answer. Often It's A Complicated Mix Of A Number Of Answers. If You Wonder Why On Earth You Stay With The Guy Who Keeps Hurting You In Spite Of Promises To Do Better, In Spite Of Protestations That He Loves You, In Spite Of Your Obvious Distress About How Things Are Going, See If You Recognise Yourself In Any Of These Common Reasons.

But Please Be Careful Not To Jump To Conclusions Based On A List. It's Not At All Uncommon For Relationships To Have Some Challenging Times. Reasons For Staying Become Problems When They Become Excuses Or Ways We Fool Ourselves Into Believing That Things Aren't That Bad When In Fact They Are. If You Keep Getting Hurt; If You Know In Your Heart That The Relationship Is Diminishing You But You Still Keep Going Back For More, It May Be Time For You To Get Into Therapy Or To Find The Resources In Your Community That Help Women Extricate Themselves From A Controlling Or Abusive Relationship.

☆ Because Being Someone's Everything Is Intoxicating Stuff-At Least At First.

When You Met, He Only Had Eyes For You. HE Called To Say Good Morning. HE Called To Say "I Love You" At Lunch. He Wanted To Be The Last Voice You Heard Before You Went To Sleep. When You Left Work Or Your Last Class For The Day, There He Was- Waiting For You. If Another Guy Even Looked At You, He Put His Arm Protectively Around You. If A Guy Friend Called You Up, He Pouted. He Wanted All Your Attention. IN Exchange, He Gave You Attention As No One Ever Had Before. He Wined You And Dined You And Made You Feel Like A Princess. Sounds Like Any Romantic Beginning, Doesn't It?

If Your Guy Is So Insecure That He Needs Control, His Attention Gradually Became Claustrophobic. OVER Time, His Demands For All Your Attention All The Time Hemmed You In. YOU Found Yourself Frantically Explaining Your Every Move That Didn't Involve Him. Staying A Bit Late For Work, A Girls' Night Out, Even A Visit To Your Mother Became Grounds For A Fight. What Started Out As Wonderful Attention Became Not So Wonderful.

☆ Because The Guy Is Absolutely Charming.

You Didn't Fall In Love With Your Boyfriend For No Good Reason. He Can Be Charming. He Can Be Romantic. He Can Say The Things That Every Woman Would Like To Hear. Sometimes He Lets You See A Sweet Vulnerability That Melts Your Heart. He Seems To Feel Genuinely Terrible After The Two Of You Have Had A Big Fight. He Brings Apologies And Gifts. He Promises He'll Be Less Jealous. HE says You Really Are His Everything. Lovemaking At Times Like These Is Delicious. He Says All The Right Things To Make You Want To Give Him Another Chance. Things Are Wonderful For Awhile. But Then It Starts All Over Again. You Come Home A Little Late And His Eyes Look Stormy. YOU Make A Phone Call And He Has To Know Just Who You're Talking To. Pretty Soon, You're Feeling Hemmed In Again And You Know That There's Going To Be Another Blow-Out...

☆ Because Of A Low Self-Esteem, And The Fact You Feel You Don't Deserve Better.

Maybe You Grew Up In A Family Where You Were Told That You Were No Good, Ugly, Clumsy, Or Incompetent. Maybe Your Father Or Mother Even Told You "No One Will Ever Love You." Perhaps You Were An Ugly Duckling In School Who Never Had A Date Or You Were Never Accepted By The People You Wished Were Your Friends.
Maybe You've Had A Series Of Disastrous Relationships Or No Relationships At All. Your Self-Esteem Is In The Cellar. Even Though A Part Of You Knows That Your Family Should Have Treated You Better; Even Though You Understand That School Is Harsh For A Lot Of People, There's An Even Bigger Part Of You That Feels That Maybe All The People Who Rejected You Were Right- You've Become Convinced You Should Be Grateful For Any Smidgen Of Caring Your Boyfriend Provides- Even If It Is Painful.

☆ Because You Don't Know Any Better.

All The Women You Grew Up With Were In Abusive, Difficult Relationships. All Your Girlfriends Complain About Men Who Don't Do Their Share And Who Stopped Being "Mr. Wonderful" Long Ago.
Lacking Role Models For Positive, Loving Relationships, You Think Good Relationships Only Happen In The Movies. Although You Can Agree In Theory That Women Deserve To Be Treated With Consideration And Respect By The Men Who Love Them, You've Never Seen Such A Relationship Up Close And Personal.

☆ Because He Scares You Or Manipulates You.

There Are Men Who Aren't A Bit Subtle About Their Need For Control. Try To Leave And They Threaten To Hurt You Or Your Kids Or Other People You Care About. He May Have Even Grabbed You Too Hard Or Hit You Or Locked You In A Room Or Waved A Gun Around. When He Goes Into A Rage, There's No Telling What He Might Do. SO You Do Everything You Can To Prevent It- Including Staying.
The Manipulators Are Equally Effective In Trapping Their Women. They Say They Will Commit Suicide If You Leave- And It Will Be All Your Fault. They Are Masters At Making You Feel Guilty Even When You Don't Have A Clue What You Are Guilty For. Fights Inevitably Shift To All The Things You've Done Wrong- Or At Least Wronger Than Him. You End Up Staying To Make Amends And Make It Right Or Because You Can't Bear The Idea Of Living With The Guilt If He Hurts Himself.

☆ Because You Truly Believe You Can Change Him.

Because The Relationship Started Out So Wonderfully And Because He Can Be So Terrific After A Fight, You Hold Onto The Idea That You Can Bring Out The Best In Him. All You Have To Do Is Find The Right Words And Behave In The Right Way, And You'll Have The Man Of Your Dreams. Love Conquers All, Right? WRONG. NO One Can Make Another Person Be Anything. HE Has To Want It. He Has To Want To Change Because It Will Make Him A Better Person, Not Because He Made An Insincere Promise In Order To Make Up After A Fight. Even Though You Know All This, You Convince Yourself That You're An Exception. You're Going To Find A Way.

☆ Because You Are More Afraid Of Being Alone Again Than Of Being In A Painful Relationship.

You've Been Alone And It's Lonely You Want Someone To Talk To In The Evening, To Cuddle Up To At Night, To At Least Once In Awhile Take The Kids. Even Picking Up His Laundry, Cooking Meals He Doesn't Appreciate, And Fighting With Him Is More Appealing Than Coming Home To An Empty House If He Does Pay The Bills And Do A Few Chores (And Especially If He Pays Most Of The Bills And Can Be Counted On To Do Some Of The Heavy Work), It's Even Harder To Think About Doing It Alone.

☆ Because Of Cultural/Religious Reasons.

Traditional Gender Roles Can Make It Difficult For Young Women To Leave An Abusive Relationship. Religion Also Influences Them To Stay Rather Than End The Relationship For Fear Of Bringing Shame Upon Their Family Or The Faith.

☆ Because Of Pregnancy/Parenting.

Because You Got Pregnant, Or Already Have Kid(s) With Him, You Then Feel Pressure To Raise Your Children With Both Parents Together, Even If That Means Staying In An Abusive Relationship. ALSO, The Man May Threaten To Take Custody Of The Children, So You Stay.

☆ Because You Rely On Him For Money, Shelter And Food.

You Have Become Financially Dependent On Him, He Pays Your School Bills, Utility Bills And Provides You With Material Comfort.

Moreso, The Fact That You Have Nowhere To Go Or No One To Turn To Once The Relationship Ends. This Feeling Of Helplessness Can Be Especially Strong If You Live With Him.

Furthermore, Do You Have Some Sort Of Disability That You Have To Be Physically Dependent On Him? IF So, The Feeling Of Your Well-Being Connected To The Relationship Is What Is Influencing Your Decision To Stay In An Abusive Relationship.

☆ Because You Love Him.

The Most Common Answer I Get When I Ask Women Why They Stay In Abusive Relationships Is "Because I Love Him." Love Isn't Always Rational, It's True. There's No Accounting For Chemistry. But The Fact Is That Love, Especially One-Sided Love, Isn't Enough To Sustain A Relationship. It's Like One Hand Clapping.

If You Are Always On The Giving End In The Relationship; If You've Accepted Indifference, Abuse, Or Manipulation Because You Don't Believe You Deserve Or Can Get Better, It's Time To Take Charge Of Your Life And To Make Some Changes. If Your Guy Will Agree, Try Out Couples Therapy. Couples Can And Do Change With Commitment To The Process And Love For Each Other. IF Your Boyfriend Won't Join You In The Project, Get Some Therapy For Yourself. Build Up Your Self-Esteem, Develop The Skills You Need To Be Successful In The World, And Increase Your Confidence In Yourself. A Stronger You Will Be Able To Hold Out For The Loving Relationship That You Deserve.

HOW TO TELL IF A LADY IS USING YOU

Reading Women Can Be Really Tricky. While She May Have Made You Believe She's Really Into You, She Might As Well Just Be Using You For Her Own Benefits. One Day Or The Other, She's Going To Show Her True Colours And It's Going To Hurt Real Bad. You're Better Off Without Selfish People In Your Life.

It Is Not Only Ladies That Use Guys, Guys Are Also Involved In Such Act, Just Like I Discussed In My Previous Article. If You Are Yet To Read "How To Tell When A Man Is Using You, Then Do So.

Here Are Ways To Tell She Is Using You...

☆ Think About The Time You Spend With This Lady. What Is The Conversation Like? Are You Usually Doing Things That Interest Both Of You Or Is More One-Sided? Look For Some Warning Signs. If The Majority Of Your Time With Her Involves You Hanging Around With Her Friends And Never Spending Time Just The Two Of You, Then She May Be Using You. If Your Conversation Is Empty And Hollow, Then There's A Chance She Doesn't Enjoy Your Company At All And Is In Fact Using You.

☆ Next, Ask Yourself What Could She Be Using You For. Does She Have A Low Self-Esteem? Is She Insecure? In This Case, Ask Her About Her History. If She Has Had Many Relationships That Usually Do Not Last Long, Then There's A Good Chance She's Insecure About Herself. She Feels As If She Needs To Have A Significant Other And Does Not Really Care Who That Person Is As Long As It's Somebody.

☆ Is Money Involved? There Are Many Situations Where People Use Other People For Money. Are You Constantly Buying Things For Her, Do You Always Pay When You Go Out And Do Things With Her? DOES She Respect You, Your Time And Your Money, When You Do Spend Time With Her? If You Find Yourself Constantly Paying For Everything, There Is A Chance She May Be Using You. Same Applies If She Always Keen On You Buying Her Gifts Every Time. She Doesn't Reciprocate. SHE Takes, Takes, Takes, But Never Gives! She Rarely Does Things To Show You She Appreciates You And What You Do For Her.

☆ She Doesn't Want To See You On A Regular Basis. When A Woman Truly Likes You She Wouldn't Be Able To Let Days Go By Without Seeing Or Talking To You. If She Does And You Guys Haven't Had An Argument There Is Often Someone Else In The Picture... Your Just Filling In The Blanks.

☆ She Tells You She Doesn't Want A Relationship. Most Women Want To Be In A Relationship. It Is Rare To Meet A Woman That Doesn't Want To Be In A Relationship Unless She Just Got Out Of One.

☆ She Rarely Returns Your Calls. You Will Hear Excuses Like: "Oh, I Completely Forgot!" I Didn't Get A Missed Call." But She Gets Mad If You Do The Same. Trust Me... If A Woman Is Into You She Won't Forget Or Miss Any Call You Make.

☆ If She Is More Interested In What You Do For A Living She's Probably Trying To Use You For Who You Know. For Example, If You Work In The Music Or Movie Industry She Could Be Using You For Free Concert Tickets Or Meet And Greets.

☆ She Uses You To Make Her Boyfriend Or Her Ex Feel Jealous. She's Surprisingly Flirtatious With You In Front Of Her Friends And Her Ex. While It Makes You Feel Good About Yourself, You Must Know She's Just Using You As A Device For Her Own Personal Gains.

☆ She Takes You Along To Parties Because She Has Nobody To Go With But Starts Ignoring You The Moment She Meets Her Friends There. SHE Never Makes Any Effort To Make You Feel Comfortable Around Her Group Of Friends.

☆ She Never Seems Eager To Hang Out With You Usually, But If She's Getting Bored, You're The Guy She Calls Up.

☆ She Expects You To Listen To Her Problems Patiently, But She Never Pays Attention When You Talk. SHE Gets Distracted Easily, Starts Playing With Her Phone Or Changes The Topic To Something She Wants To Talk About.

☆ Even Though She Expects You To Do Everything A Boyfriend Does For His Girlfriend, She Refuses To Acknowledge The Relationship. SHE Keeps Reminding You That You're 'Just Friends'.

☆ Even Though She Hangs Out With You All The Time And Makes It Look Like She's Interested, She Has Never Introduced You To Any Of Her Friends As Her Boyfriend.

☆ You Are Her Sex Toy: Now, This Might Not Be A Problem For Most Men Out There, But If You Are Genuinely Interested In Having A Real Relationship, Getting Married And Having Kids One Day, Then You Might Want To Find A Woman Who Wants More Than Sex. Believe It Or Not, There Are Women Out There, Like Men, Who Have Jump-Offs Who They Will Never Be Seen Out In Public With. The Sex Is Earth Shattering, But She Doesn't Want A Relationship, Or, She Doesn't Want A Relationship With YOU. Maybe You're Too Short, Don't Have A Job, Have Multiple Children With Multiple Women, Have Some Teeth Missing... Who Knows. Either Way, She Doesn't Want Her Girlfriends To Know About You. Most Men Would Be Fine With This Arrangement. BUT If You've Somehow Caught Feelings For Her, Then Its Best You Leave Now.

☆ If She Shows Absolutely No Interest In Your Life. Its Only About Her, All The Freaking Time... Then Be Sure She Is Using You.

☆ Make A Decision. Is She Or Isn't Using You? If She Is, You Need To Act. Let Her Know How You Feel, Be Honest. BY Talking To Her And Hearing Her Perspective, You May Find Out You Were Wrong. Perhaps She Was Going Through A Difficult Time And Clung To You And Took A Bit Of An Advantage Without Realising It Or Meaning To Do So. It's Very Possible. This Step Is Most Important, You Should Let Her Know Instead Of Just Ending Things. Only By Doing So Will You Know Without A Doubt Whether Or Not You Were Being Used.

HOW TO TELL IF A MAN IS USING YOU

They Say Women Have A Knack For Intuition, But When It Comes To Their Love Interest They Do Get Blinded. It Is Quite Common For Some Women To Get Into Abusive Relationships Mostly Because They Are Low On Self Esteem Or In Need Of Approval, They Fail To See That Their Boyfriend Or Partner Does Not Really Care For Them.

As A Lady, Even When You Know Intuitively That A Man Is Using You For His Pleasure, And Is Clearly Not In Love With You Nor Interested In A Commitment, You Still Want To Live A Lie. Women Are More Likely To Fall Prey To The Blindness Of Love Than Men Because Of Their Vulnerable Nature. When A Guy Is Using You, It Means The Relationship Is Abusive And Not Conducive. However Much You Want The Guy To Be Different, He Is Not Going To Change, So It's In Your Interest To Move Out Of The Relationship. BUT How Do You Know When A Man Is Using You? That's What This Article Is About.

Just Because You Are In Love With A Man Does Not Necessarily Mean That The Other Person Is Also In Love With You. A Relationship Of One-Sided Love Is Always Abusive Towards The Person Who Is In Love. There's Lot Of Truth To This Statement- "The One Who Cares Less In A Relationship, Dominates It". But This Is Not About Whether The Guy Loves You Less Or More, It's About Does He Care At All Or Is He Just Using You. So If You Are Wondering How To Know If A Man Is Using You, Here Are The Signs To Look Out For:

☆ He Never Bonds With You Emotionally

The Depth In Any Relationship Develops Through The Emotional Attraction The Couple Feels. A Relationship Devoid Of Any Emotional Bonding Is Empty To The Core And Is Likely To Be An Abusive One. If Your Man Is Hardly Bothered About Bonding With You Emotionally, It Means He Does Not Care For You. Do You Feel That He's There To Stand By You When You Are Feeling Low Or Alone? These Are Some Hard Questions That Will Point The Emotional Depth In The Relationship.

☆ He Pressurises You To Get His Wants Met:

If He's Only Interested In Getting His Wants And Needs Met In The Relationship Then You Know The Guy Is Using You For His Pleasure. Many Men Would Pressurise Their Partner To Meet Their Needs For Sex And That's All They Are Interested In. If You Feel That He's Applying Pressure On You Either Through Emotional Manipulation Or Through Physical Threats, He Is Clearly Being Abusive. Guys Who Have Been In Several Relationships Get The Hang Of How Manipulate Girls Into Giving Into Their Demands.

☆ He Is Only Concerned About Physical Pleasure:

Physical Intimacy Is An Integral Part Of An Relationship Between A Man And Woman But How Does He Approach Intimacy? IS He Concerned About Your Needs And Pleasures While Having Sex Or Is He Just Being Plain Selfish During The Whole Act. Women Give Into Pleasuring Their Man To Avoid Any Friction In The Relationship And Several Guys Use This Emotional Handle To Manipulate Them. If You Intuitively Feel That He Is Manipulating You For Sex Then It Should Be Clear That He Has No Emotional Investment In The Relationship. This Is When You Know A Man Is Using You.

☆ He Is Leeching On Your Money:

Some Guys Enter Into A Relationship Purely For Their Monetary Benefit And They Try To Milk The Most Out Of It. Many Women Are So Blinded In Their Love That They Fail To See That He Is Leeching On Her Money And Other Assets. If He Uses Your Credit Cards, Keeps Asking You To Lend Him Money, Makes You Take A Loan For Him Or Gets You Into Financial Trouble, Then You Know He Is Using You Purely For Monetary Interest. A Financially Abusive Relationship Is Most Common These Days With Women Becoming Easy Targets To Playboys And Manipulative Men.

☆ Your Friends Warn You About Him:

Just Because You Are Blinded In Your Attraction To Him Does Not Mean Your Friends Can't See Him For What He Is. If Any Of Your Friends Or Relatives Advises You To Keep Away From Him Then You Should Be On The Alert. It's Of Course True That Your Friends Or Family Members Can't Judge Him As Well As You Can, But If They Sense Something Awry Then You Should Atleast Keep An Open Mind And See If It's True.

It's Not Difficult To Know When A Man Is Using You But Most Women Do Get Unsighted Because Of Their Love. Get In Touch With Your Intuition Because That's Your Best Guide. If You Feel Deeply That Something's Not Right About The Relationship Then Some Hard Decisions Need To Be Taken Even If It Means Going Through Some Temporary Pain Of Separation.