CONVERSATIONS YOU SHOULD NEVER HAVE ON A FIRST DATE

If You've Been Single For A While, You're Probably Used To The First Date Dance By Now: He Asks Where You're From Originally, You Ask About His Job. He Asks If You Prefer Red Or White Wine, You Ask About His Hobbies. It Usually Feels Like The Same Ol' Conversation Just With A Different Person, Unless You Stumble Across A Truly Magical (And Rare!) Amazing Date.

It Gets Really Old, We Know. And It Can Be Tempting To Rock The Boat And Bring Up Some Interesting Conversation Starters To Get The Banter Flowing.

But While You're Doing The Get-To-Know One Another Tango, It's Important To Not Step On One Another's Toes- Or The Possibility Of A Second Date Or Relationship- By Bringing Up Any Of The Following Conversations On A First Date:

1¤ TALKING ABOUT MONEY:

Depending On How Old You Are, Finding A Partner With A Steady Financial Future Might Be At The Top Of Your List. But If We're Honest, Nothing Takes The Fun, Energy Or Romance Out Of A Good Date Like Dropping The 'How Much Do You Make In A Year?' Or 'Do You Eventually Want To Buy A Home Of Your Own?' Question Prematurely. And Excuse Us, But It Might Come Across As A Little Gold-Digger Instead Of Potential Girlfriend Material. While You Might Be Curious To See Just How Much Student Debt He's In Or What You Might Be Getting Yourself Into, Keep The Topic Of Money Off The Table Until You've Had A Chance To See If You Want A Second Date. Plus- You're Just Fine Without Him, You Don't Need His Pay check To Have A Good Time, Do You?

WHEN TO TALK ABOUT IT: After You Are Officially Dating.

2¤ TALKING ABOUT EXES:

This One Feels Like A No-Brainer, Right? But Get A Glass Of Gin Or Red Wine In You And Suddenly, You Have The Urge To Tell That One Story About That One Time Your Ex And You Did Something... Completely Unrelated To Your First Date With A New Guy.

Discussing The Past So Early Into A Could-Be Relationship Is Like Throwing Water On A Flame That's Barely Starting To Fluster. While It's Natural To Have Thought About Your Exes From Time To Time While Dating (Everyone Compares!), Opening Up That Floodgate Brings Up A Guy's Insecurities, Jealousy, And Possibly Encourages Him To Talk About Ex-Girlfriends Too.

WHEN TO TALK ABOUT IT: A Few Months Down The Line, When You've Made It Official Already.

3¤ TALKING ABOUT THE FUTURE:

Okay, Okay, Okay, We've All Been On A Really Killer First Date And Allowed Ourselves To Retreat To Never-Never Land With Visions Of White Lace And Blue-Eyed Babies. (And Fine, Monograms Too.) But Here's The Thing:

Before You Put The Cart Way Ahead Of The Horse, Take A Breathe And Savour The Moment Of The First Date. If He Does Happen To Be The Guy You'll Spend Forever-And-Ever With, This Is Your Last First Date... Ever. So Enjoy It! Hold Onto Those Moments Of Awkwardness And Sweet Tension, And Don't Bring Up Where He Sees Himself In A Few Years. Or If He Wants Children. Or About His Plans. The Discussion About What's Next Will Eventually Come (It Has To) But For Now, Focus On How Cute That Dimple Is On His Left Cheek And How Your Heart Races When He Brushes By Your Hand.

WHEN TO TALK ABOUT IT: About Six Or Seven Dates In.

4¤ TALKING ABOUT FAMILIES:

You Might Talk About How Many Siblings You Have In A Cute 'You're Such A Middle Child!' Kind Of Way, But Bringing Up Heavy Family Topics (Like Sickness Or Feuds) Is Too Personal For The First Date. While It Might Not Seem Like A Big Deal To You, Family Matters Are Intimate Details That Shouldn't Be Shared With Just Anyone. In Fact, You Should Earn A Spot In Each Other's Lives Where Trust Is Fostered Before You Bring Up Things That Are Possibly Emotional.

Keep The First Date To Lighthearted Matters And Save The Heavy Stuff For When You're Falling In Love.

WHEN TO TALK ABOUT IT: After You're Officially Dating.

What Topics Have Turned You Off On A First Date?

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NEVER REPORT WHAT YOUR EYES DIDN'T WITNESS

Yezzir! How Y'all Doing GREAT PEOPLE... I Believe Y'all Are Having A SWELL Time.

YES, Its Not New That Majority Engage In Hearsay Everyday Of Their Lives. Infact, Everybody Does At One Time Or The Other.

The Problem With This, Is That A Lot Of People Report What They Heard Like They Were Actually There To Witness What Happened. Some Even Go The Extra Mile To Add More To What They Heard For Effect, And Even Argue When You Try To Prove Them Wrong.

I Mean What Do You Gain By So Doing? I Am Not Saying Its Not Good To Report What You Heard Somebody Said, But When You Are Reporting It, Endeavour To Clear The Air By Saying "You Are Not Sure If Its True, But You Heard." Don't Go Spreading What You Heard Like You Actually Witnessed It With Your Eyes Or Ears.

Moreso, There Should Be A Limit To What You Report As Hearsay, Because There Are Certain Information That Should Be Heard From You As Hearsay, Especially If The Issue Is Very Sensitive. Like Telling Someone You Saw His Wife Or Her Husband With A Concubine, When You Only Heard But Didn't See It With Your Eyes. Even If You Saw It With Your Eyes, There Are Skillful Ways To Relate The Matter. Not By Just Opening Your Mouth To The Four Winds Of The Earth.

NOW To You Who Is Being Told, Do Not Capitalise On What You Heard, Learn To Do Your Own Findings Before Jumping Into Conclusions. Because A Whole Lot Of What People Report Ain't Actually True. Its Just A Reflection Of What They Want To Be True.

STOP REPORTING WHAT YOUR EYES DIDN'T WITNESS. It Could Be Dangerous To You The Bearer And Oftentimes The Hearer.

BE WISE!!!
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POTENTIAL SIGNS THAT HE IS GOING TO BE A WIFE BEATER

Spot A Potential Wife Beater Before You Marry Him!

Hitting, Shoving, Domestic Violence. Wife-Beating.
Shrouded In Fear, Shame And Guilt, So Many Women Are Afraid To Speak Out. Brutal Beatings Sometimes End In The Death Of One Or The Other Partner (Or Even Both Partners In Murder-Suicides) In The Worst Case Scenarios.

I Have Seen And Heard Of Ladies Who Get Into Relationships And Even With All The Warning Signs Of Potential Domestic Violence Screaming At Them, They Do Not Leave The Relationship.

When A Man Hits You While You Are Dating, It Bodes Ill For The Marriage As Problem Like This Only Get Worse.

So Ladies, Before You End Up Marrying This Smooth Talking And Rich Guy, Here Are Some Clues That He May Be Prone To Using His Fist:

1¤ FREQUENT TANTRUMS:

Does He Get Extremely Angry, Very Often? Watch Out. There Is No Reason For Overblown, Exaggerated Rage. There Is No Reason To Fly Off The Handle At Everything That Annoys You.

Everyone Has The Potential Of "Losing It" On Occasion, And Those Occasions Are Quite Usually For Serious Things. There Is A Difference Between A Tantrum And Mild Irritation. If A Man Throws Tantrums Like A Child, Watch Out! This Is A Wife Beater In The Making.

2¤ HITTING THINGS AND BREAKING THINGS WHEN ANGRY:

This May Look Like "At Least He Is Not Hitting Me", But For How Long Can You Take That Chance And Gamble On The Fact That Your Face May Or May Not Be The Next Thing That Is Broken In Two? If Your Boyfriend Punches The Wall Instead Of You, Do Not Take It As A Reassuring Sign. It Is Not. He Needs To Seek Help Or You Need To Help Yourself And Run!

3¤ UNREASONABLE SUSPICION AND JEALOUSY:

Pathologically Jealous People Are Prone To Extremes Of Behaviour. Is He Constantly Checking Up On You, Checking Your Phone, Asking To Know Your Whereabouts Down To The Last Detail? Does He Get Mad When You Interact With Other Males? Does He Read Wrong Meaning Into These Interactions? Does He Accuse You Of Cheating On Him With No Proof? Does He Tell You That He Is Being Protective, When He Is Confronted About This?

Obviously If You Have Broken Trust In The Past, Your Boyfriend Has A Right To Be Cautious. Still There Is Caution And Protectiveness And There Is Suspicion And Possessiveness. The Difference Between The Two Becomes Apparent When You Study The Interactions Of Other Ladies And Their Significant Others. Do Not Bury Your Head In The Sand.

4¤ OVER REACTION:

Does He Blow His Top Just Because You Burnt The Dinner And Come At You In A Heated Rage? Does He Get Angry Over Things That Most People Would Brush Aside? This Is Not A Good Thing. The Quality Of Self Control Or Impulse Control Is There To Make You Rein In Your Actions When Your Feelings Are Threatening To Take Over. A Man Who Consistently Over Reacts, Has Poor Impulse Control. The Next Time His Impulses Feel Like Giving You A "Beat-Down", He Will Just Give In.

5¤ HIS FATHER HIT HIS MOTHER:

Men Who Grow Up With Domestic Violence Are More Likely To See It As Normal, Than Those Who Did Not. In Most Cases We Replicate What We See, Either Because We Do Not Know Better (We Think It Is Normal Or Right); Or We Do Not Know Anything Different (We Know It Is Not Normal, But We Do Not Know Anything Else To Do). If Your Boyfriend's Father Hit His Mother, It Does Not Automatically Disqualify Him. You Both, However Will Need Counselling, Prayer And Mentorship To Guide You, So That You Do Not Fall Into The Same Bad Cycle. On The Flip Side, If Your Dad Hit Your Mother, You Too Are Likely To Fall For A Wife Beater Type. Please Be Extra Careful And Watch For Signs.

6¤ PREVIOUS EPISODES:

Did He Hit His Ex Wife? Did She "Make Him Do It"? He Will Most Likely Carry This Behaviour Forward. If He Hit His Ex-Wife Or Ex-Girlfriend And Has All The Excuses In The World, Sister-Girl, Pack Up Your Heart, Put It Back In Your Chest And Flee For Your Life! This Is Clearly A Man Who Has Anger And Violence Issues And Above All Is Unrepentant! Do Not Fall For The Lines: "She Was Difficult, She Was A Nag"; "You Are Different, You Bring Out The Best In Me". If At All Feasible, Try To Learn Of His Reputation From Other People Who Knew Him Before You Came Along. If He Says "I Have Changed" Watch Him In Potentially Challenging Situations. A Man Who Hit His Ex Will Have To Go Through Some Type Of Counselling Process Or Anger Management, To Quell "The Beast Within".

These Are Not Foolproof, And Domestic Violence Can Start After Marriage, Without Prior Signs. It Is However Surprising, And Scary To See Many Women Go Into Marriage Even With All The Above Screaming At THEM.

Do You Know Of Any Other Signs Of A Potential Wife Beater? I Would Love To Read Your Comments.

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