Do You Feel Flattered When Women Refer To You As A "Nice Guy?" If You
Answered "YES," Shame On You.
Many Times, Friends Of Mine Will Ask Me, "Exzel, What Is The Primary
Target Demographic Of Your Relationship Tips And Series?" My General
Response Is Always "Any And All Single/Married Heterosexual Men And
Women." If Pressed Further, I Will Usually Say Men Who Fall Into The
Category Of The "Frustrated Nice Guy."
In November 2010, I Was A Featured Speaker For A Single's Forum Known
As The Direct Dating Summit For Guys. It Was Designed To Help Single
Men Improve Their Interpersonal Communication Skills With Women, And
Absorb Advice, Knowledge And Wisdom Related To Approaching Women With
A Higher Degree Of Confidence, And Creating A Higher Degree Romantic
And/Or Sexual Chemistry With Women Of Interest.
One Question I Asked All Of The Guys Seated In The Auditorium Was,
"How Many Of You Would Consider Yourself A 'Nice Guy'?" No Less Than
95% Of The Men In Attendance Raised Their Hand. Then, After A Dramatic
Pause, I Simply Asked, "And Just How Is That Working Out For You?"
The Auditorium Was Silent For A Good Two Or Three Minute Stretch.
All Of The Men Collectively Realized That If Being A "Nice Guy" Was
All That It Was Cracked Up To Be None Of Them Would Have Been In
Attendance At ThiS Particular Conference. I Would Argue That
Attempting To Present Yourself To Women As A "Nice Guy" Is The
Absolute Most Overrated Objective You Can Ever Have In Regard To Your
Love Life, Sex Life, And Overall Social Life.
The Latin Root Term For "Nice" Is Nescius, Did You Know That The Term
Nescius Means To Be "Unaware, Ignorant, And Foolish?" When A Woman
Says To You, "James, You Are Such A Nice Guy!" She Is Actually Saying,
"James, You Are Such An Ignorant Fool!"
Real Quick: Think Of A Man You Know Who Is Generally Regarded As A
"Ladies' Man," A Womanizer, A "Hearthrob," Or A Serial Monogamist.
What Percentage Of Those Men Who Came To The Forefront Of Your Mind
Would You Refer To As "Nice?" My Prediction Would Be Very Few, If Any.
When A Woman Meets A Man Who Provokes Strong Romantic Feelings In Her
Or A Strong Sexual Attraction, She Rarely Refers To That Man As
"Nice." Handsome? Yes. Charming? Most Definitely. Sexy? Without
Question. Intriguing? More Than Likely. Irresistible? Probably. Nice?
Hardly.
In Women's "Code Language," The Term "Nice" Is Primary Used To
Describe Men Whose Personalities And Overall Behaviour Is Pleasant And
Entertaining Enough To Make Them Appealing As An Indefinite Platonic
Social Companion, But Not Quite Appealing Enough To Make Them
Boyfriend Material, Husband Material, Or Friends-With-Benefits/ Casual
Sex Lover Material.
When A Man Aspires To Be Perceived As A "Nice Guy," What He Is Really
Doing Is Trying To Avoid Being Harshly Criticized By Women, Insulted
By Women, And Generally Avoid Any Type Of Controversy Or Heated
Confrontations With Women. This Man Excels At Being Overly
Accommodating With Women, Lenient With Women, And Even Financially
Generous With Women. This Man Is A Master At Keeping Women Feeling
Flattered, At Ease, And Entertained.
No Woman Wants To "Jump The Bones" Of A Perpetual Nice Guy. It Just
Doesn't Happen. Now, Some Men Tend To Confuse Being A "Good Guy" With
Being A "Nice Guy." Those Two Terms Are Not Synonymous.
A "Good Guy" Is A Man Is Honest With His Words, Desires, Interests,
And Intentions. A Man Who Says What He Means And Means What He Says. A
Man Whose Moral Character And Integrity Is Beyond Reproach. You Can Be
A "Good Guy" And Be Sexy In The Eyes Of Most Women.
On The Other Hand, To Be "Nice Guy" Has Connotations Of Being
Dishonest, Disingenuous, And Even Cowardly. A Nice Guy Maintains A
Social Façade That He Rarely Wants To Be Identified Or Exposed.
Here Are At Least Five Tips For Single Men Who Want To Prevent
Themselves From Becoming A "Frustrated Nice Guy" (Which Is Simply The
Precursor To Becoming A Misogynist):
1¤ QUIT FAWNING OVER WOMEN AND EXCESSIVELY FLATTERING WOMEN FOR NO VALID REASON:
Women Love Compliments, But When You Express Too Many Of Them In A
Relatively Short Period Of Time, It Makes You Look Like You Want To Be
In That Woman's "Personal Fan Club" Rather Than Be A Potential
Romantic Or Sexual Companion Of Hers. Tell A Woman She Is Beautiful
And Sexy Once Makes You Seem Charming; Tell A Woman She Is Beautiful
And Sexy Five Or More Times In Less Than Two Hours, And You Begin To
Look Desperate And Creepy.
2¤ QUIT ALLOWING YOURSELF TO BECOME A "PLAY BROTHER" Or "MALE
GIRLFRIEND" TO A NUMBER OF WOMEN:
Many Men Complain About Women Placing Them In The Dreaded "Friend
Zone," But More Often Than Not, It Is The Men Themselves Who Open The
Door For Women To Place Them In This Category. Stop Engaging In
Multiple Episodes Of Trivial, Lighthearted "Small Talk" And Gossip
With Women. The More You Solidly Yourself As A Woman's "Play Brother,"
The Less Likely You Are To Ever End Up In Bed With That Woman Or In A
Long Lasting Romantic Relationship With That Woman.
3¤ QUIT TRYING TO BE VERY WOMAN'S "PERSONAL ENTERTAINER" OR "MR. FUNNY MAN"
I Always Tell My Male Friends That It Is Okay To Have A Sense Of
Humour, And To Be Witty. Let It Stop There Though. Many Men Make The
Mistake Of Trying To Become A Woman's Personal "Stand-Up Comic" Whose
Personal Responsibility Is To Keep That Woman Laughing On A Daily,
Weekly, Or Monthly Basis. Even Movie Star Eddie Murphy Once Said, "It
Is Hard To Be Perceived As Both Extremely Funny And Extremely Sexy In
The Eyes Of A Woman At The Exact Same Moment In Time."
4¤ QUIT BEING AFRAID TO LET WOMEN KNOW THAT YOU WANT TO GET IN THEIR PANTS:
Would You Ever Visit A Restaurant And "Pretend" Like You Are Not
Hungry? Would You Ever Enter Into A Doctor's Office And "Pretend" Like
You Are Not Experiencing Any Sort Of Pain Or Discomfort? Then Why
Would You Share The Company Of A Desirable Woman, And Try To "Pretend"
Like The Thought Of Having Sex With Her Is Nowhere In Your Mind? This
Is The Absolute Dumbest Thing Men Are Guilty Of Doing Very, Very
Frequently. If You Want To Have Sex With A Woman... Let Her Know That.
(Here Is A Little Secret Fellas: Nine Times Out Of Ten, She Already
Assumes That You Want To Have Sex With Her Anyway... So You Might As
Well Go Ahead And Confirm Her Very Valid Assumption).
5¤ QUIT LOOKING AT ALL HARSH CRITICISMS AND INSULTS FROM WOMEN AS A "BAD" THING:
Did A Woman Recently Refer To You As A "Jerk?" Feel Good About That!
(Seriously). There Are Some Criticisms That Are Expressed By Women
That Are Really "Indirect Compliments In Disguise." When You Exhibit
Behaviour That Is Challenging And/Or Frustrating To A Woman's
[Spoiled] Ego, Nine Times Out Of Ten, She Is Going To Start Calling
You Names. So What! Let Her. Just About Every Woman Who I Have Been In
A Relationship With Or Had Sex With Has Criticized Various Aspects Of
My Behaviour From Time To Time. On The Flip Side, The Vast Majority Of
Women Who Had Nothing But Compliments Of My Behaviour Were Typically
The Women Who I Never Engaged In Anything Beyond A Platonic Friendship
With.
Aspire To Be Perceived As Charming, Sexy, Witty, Articulate,
Thoughtful, Honest, And Provocative. But "Nice?" Uhm. . . . No, Only
If You Want To Take Up An Indefinite Residence In A Woman's "Friend
Zone."
