WHERE IS THIS RELATIONSHIP HEADING?

If You're Wondering Where You Stand With Your Partner, Here's How To Find Out.

It Happens In Nearly Every Dating Relationship That Lasts More Than A Few Months: One Or Both Partners Initiate 'The Talk' To Determine Where Exactly They're At With Each Other. This Involves Questions Such As, "Are We "Just Friends' Or More Than That? Are We Dating Exclusively Or Is Our Relationship Just Casual? What Exactly Is The Level Of Our Commitment To Each Other?"

If You Have Begun To Feel Strongly About The Individual You Are Dating, Asking If He Or She Shares Your Feelings Can Be Frightening Moment Of Truth. The Following Are Ideas That Will Help Such Conversation Go Smoothly:

☆ Broach The Issue Clearly●

It's Too Vague To Ask, "So What's Happening With This Relationship?" Be As Direct As Possible. Chances Are You Want To Know If You've Crossed The Boundary From "Going Out Informally" To "Dating Exclusively." If You Feel Ready To Stop Dating Other People, That Is An Appropriate Time To Ask If Your Partner Is Ready To Do The Same.

☆ Choose The Right Situation●

Probing Each Other's Feelings Can Be Intense, So Be Careful About When And Where You Talk. Pick A Private Place Where Thoughts And Feelings Can Be Expressed Without Being On Public Display. Initiating The Conversation In A Crowded Coffee Shop, Or Eatery When He Or She Has To Go Back To Work, Isn't The Best Idea.

☆ Don't Panic If The Response Isn't Exactly What You Want●

The Other Person May Not Be Prepared To Give A Definitive Affirmation Of Undying Love And Fidelity. If That's The Case, Don't Assume Complete Rejection. Be Prepared To Listen To Your Partner's Reply And To Discuss It.
However, Avoid Getting Into A Debate. If You Find Yourself Arguing For More Than Your Partner Is Ready To Give, You Are Pushing Too Hard.

☆ Allow For Space●

Don't Demand An Immediate Answer. Sometimes When People Feel Pressure To Respond, They Get Flustered. Their Mind And Emotions Starts Spinning Too Fast For Words To Make Sense. Take The Pressure Off By Suggesting Some Time To Think It Over And A Follow-Up Discussion.

☆ Resist The Urge To Ask For Continual Updates●

We've All Grown Accustomed To Watching TV News Shows And Seeing A "Crawler" Scroll Across The Bottom Of The Screen With Stock Reports, Sports, And Weather Alerts. Relationships Do Not Come Equipped With A Non-stop Monitoring Device Like That. SO It Is Appropriate To Periodically Check In With Your Partner. The Key Word Is "Periodically" (Think Annual Or Semi-Annual Review). Seeking Constant Reassurance Is A Sure Sign Of Insecurity And Clinginess.

Discussing How You And Your Partner View Your Relationship Is A Natural And Necessary Part Of Moving Forward- Or Deciding Not To. Sensitivity, Understanding, And Proper Timing Will Make The Conversation Positive AND Productive.

CAN YOU LOVE TOO MUCH? OR JUST SMOTHERING!

There Is No Such Thing As Loving Someone Too Much. There Is Such A Thing, Though, As Too Much Smothering. And Smothering Can Definitely Scare Someone Away.

So What Does It Mean To Really Love Someone, And When Does Love Turn Into Smothering?

Smothering, Ultimately, Isn't About Love, But About Selfishness. When You Love Someone, You Want What's Best For The Person, Even If It Means The Relationship Looks Different From What You Had In Mind. In Contrast, When You Smother, You Prioritize Your Own Needs For Closeness Or Connection, As Opposed To What The Other Person Wants Or Needs. This Is One Reason People Can Get Scared Away And Run From A Relationship.

So Let's Look At Some Differences Between Smothering And Love.

Smothering Takes: It's Selfish. When You Smother, You're Really Not Considering The Other Person's Feelings And Desires. You May Feel Like You're Being Motivated By Your Own Insecurity About The Relationship Or Your Own Fears About Losing This Person, Then You're Probably More In The Smothering Camp.

Love Gives. It's Generous. It Prioritizes The Other Person's Freedom And Autonomy. When You Love, You Are Willing To Do Whatever Is Best For The Person You Care For, Even If That Means You Don't Get Exactly What You Want, Exactly When You Want It.

Smothering Demands. When You Smother, You Constantly Ask About The Future, Insisting On Specific Answers And Results. You Also Demand Attention Or Reassurance From Other Person, Requiring Repeated Statements Of Proof Of Their Commitment Level Or Feelings For You.

Love Patiently Waits. When You Love, You Enjoy The Present, Allowing The Other Person And Relationship To Progress At A Comfortable Pace. You Wait For Both Of You To Become Ready For A Certain Level Of Intimacy, Instead Of Asking For Premature Answers Or Commitments That Can Put Pressure On The Other Person And Scare Him Or Her Away.

Smothering Disregards What Another Wants. When You Offer Continual Statements Of How Much You Care About The Other Person, You May Feel As If You're Actually Offering Love And Simply Trying To Demonstrate How Strong Your Feelings Are. BUT When The Other Person Doesn't Want To Hear Repeated Avowals Of Your Love, You Can End Up Coming Across As Needy And Desperate, Merely Because You're Disregarding How Your Partner Feels And What He Or She Wants.

Love Considers And Respects The Other's Desires. True Feelings Of Love Don't Force Themselves On Another Person In Ways Or At Times That The Person Isn't Ready To Receive Them. Again, Sometimes The Best Way To Show Your Love Is To Respect The Other's Wishes And Allow The Relationship To Grow And Develop More Gradually. It May Seem Strange, But There Really Are Times When It's Not The Best Idea To Say "I Love You" Over And Over Again.

Smothering Oppresses. It Pesters And Desperately Grasps. It Calls Too Often Or Sends Too Many Text Messages. It Results From Fear And Can End Up Making The Relationship Feel Like A Prison To The Other Person. It's Like Building A Border Of Rocks Around A Campfire To Contain It And To Keep It From Going Where It Would Naturally Go.

Love Offers Space, Respect, And Trust. Love Invites The Other's Truest Self. It Frees The Other To Be And Act And Love How The Person Chooses. Whereas Smothering Encircles And Contains The Fire With Rocks, Love Kicks The Rocks Away, Allowing The Fire To Burn Strong And Free.

Smothering Tells Another What To Think Or Do. When You Smother Another Person, You Tell Them Who They Should And Shouldn't Spend Time With. YOU Check Up On Where They're Going. YOU Expect Them To Behave In Ways You Want Them To Behave, Sometimes Even Through Manipulation.

Love Respects And Encourages Autonomy. LOVING Someone Means Allowing Others To Be Fully Themselves. OF Course It's True That In A Relationship, Two People Rub Off On Each Other And Help Each Other Grow And Evolve, But This Process Needs To Be Built On Respect And Appreciation For Each Person's Individuality.

Smothering Is Insecure.
Ultimately, This Is The Root Of Smothering. It Can Be Produced By Jealousy, Fear, And Anxiety, And It's One Of The Surest Ways Of Driving Someone Away.

Love Is Secure.
Love Is Emotionally Strong Enough To Respect Another Person's Space And To Trust That What's Meant To Happen Will Happen.

Relationships Need Space And Air To Breathe If They're Going To Survive And Thrive. SMOTHERING Can Therefore Kill A Relationship By Depriving It Of Oxygen. So Remember, There's No Such Thing As Loving Too Much. The Real Question You Need To Ask Yourself Is, Are My Actions Genuinely Loving? There Can Sometimes Be A Fine Line Between Loving And Smothering, But If You Want A Healthy And Long-Lasting Relationship, It's An Important One Not To Cross.

In Your Efforts To Find Your One, True Love, Be Careful No To Make Another Person Feel As If He Or She Is Being Imprisoned. Remember, You're Looking For A Soul Mate, Not A Cellmate.

DON'T LEAVE YOUR LIFE TO CHANCE

It Has Become Common Knowledge To Hear And See People Who Think That Whatever Happens In Their Life Is How God Has Destined It To Be. And Such Mentality Has Made A Lot Of Folks Become Complacent About Life, They Leave Their Life To CHANCE Saying "What Would Be Would Be." I Often Laugh Hysterically, But At The Same Time Feel A Sense Of Pity For People Who Think And Reason Like This. Because Sooner Or Later They'll Wake Up To Find Out That They Have Been Left Behind In Life.

What They Fail To Understand Is That What They'll Become In Life Is Upto Them. And Whatever Will Be Is Their Responsibility To Make It Be.

Some People Just Sit Down And Start Day Dreaming About How They'll Just Be Walking Through A Bush Path And Just See A Bag Full Of Money Left Behind Or Probably Hidden By A Thief Been Chased By The Cops, While Some Think About How They'll Play The Perfect Permutation To Win A Bet. Some Others Just Wish Something Should Just Happen That Would Land Them Instant WEALTH. #Smh

Very Well, As All The Above May Have Been The Lot Of A Few People, Does That Now Mean You Should Hang Your Life On Such Game Of CHANCE? If You Do, Then You Are Setting Yourself Up For A HARD LIFE Ahead.

You Want To Be Wealthy, Then Get Up And Put Your Hands To The Plough. I Don't Mean Getting Involved In Shady And Dishonest Dealings, You Can Get Wealth Doing Something Decent And Honest. God Has Planted In Everyone GIFTS And TALENTS That Are Capable Of Making You Wealthy... All You Need Is Look Inwards And Find Out Yours, And Then Begin To Explore. God Didn't Create Anyone To Be Poor. Besides, The Rich And Wealthy Families You See Today Were Not Always That Way. It Took One Person In Their Lineage To Change The Lot Of Their Family For The Better. So Why Not Be That Person In Your Family Who Change The Status Of Your Family For The BEST! And That Cannot Be Accomplished By Leaving Your Life To CHANCE. YOU Have Got To Make Your Destiny By Setting Up Ways You'd Make Life Better For Yourself And Those Around You. Yes CHANCE May Favour A Prepared Mind, But Won't Create CHANGE.

BE THE BEST AND BE EXCELLENT IN WHATEVER YOU DO

I've Heard And Seen People Who Behave And Act Slothful In Whatever They Do, Especially When They Think The Pay Wouldn't Be Enough, Or The Job Isn't Worth Their Best.

People Who Function With Such Mentality Are Simply Doing Themselves A Great Dishonour, Because Your Way To The Top And Bigger Opportunities With BIG Paycheck Starts From How Well You Handle The Small Things You Are Doing Right Now.

PERSONALLY, I Learnt A Long-time Ago That My Work Is A Direct Proportion And Representative Of Who I Am And What I Carry. Hence, If I'm Gonna Lay My Hands On Anything, It Must Be Done To The Best Capacity And Decorated With Excellence Irrespective Of How Much Or How Little My Returns May Be Or Whether I Like The Job Or Not. As Far As I'm Involved, Such A Task Must Be Decorated With Excellence. And That Attitude Has Helped Me A Long Way. That's How I Got The Name "Exzel" An Intentional Misspelling Of The Word "Excel" Representing Excellence. For Those Of You Who Have Been Asking And Wondering How I Came About That Name... There You Got It! :-)

In My Days Of Little Beginnings, I Use To Know Of A Man Who Worked As An Electrical Engineer. He Was Quite Good, But Lacked Diligence And Excellence. Few Years Later Up The Ladder Of Success, The Company I Worked For Asked That I Recommend People For A Job Position Before It Goes Public... In The Case Whereby I Have No One To Recommend And If Nobody Else Has. Why? Because They Believed Whatever And Whoever I Recommend Would Also Be An Extension Of Myself. Just Then The Post Of An Electric Engineer Was Open, And Immediately I Remembered The Electric Engineer I Once Worked With, Whom I Knew Hasn't Got Anything Major Doing At The Moment. But Then I Also Remembered He Wasn't A Diligent And Excellent Person... So I Didn't Recommend Him. That Was How The Job Was Put Out To The Public.

Now, One Would Say I Was Being Inconsiderate. But Was It My Fault? NO! It Was The Impression He Made The Time We Once Worked Together. And That Sort Of Worked Against Him, As I Wouldn't Want To Recommend Anybody Who Wouldn't Be Diligent For The Sake Of My Reputation In The Company.

Are You A Receptionist? Are You A Driver? An Apprentice As An Artisan? Are You A Cobbler? Or Whatever You May Be Into As A Business Man/Woman Or An Employee... You Have Got To Do It Diligently Coupled With Excellence. Don't Be A Party To Those Who Always Grumble, Backbite, Gossip, Complain, Nag And Go To Sleep On The Job. Or Amongst Those Who Try To Dodge When There Is A Task To Be Accomplished, Or Never Complete A Task.

Never Think Nobody Is Watching You, If Your Boss Isn't Watching You, Your Colleagues And Friends Are Watching! You Never Can Tell When Any Of Them Would Be In A Position Of Power To Appoint Somebody. You Also Can Never Tell Why You Are Yet To Be Promoted At Work Or Given Special Attention... Or Worse, Not Getting A Job.

Some Folks Can't Even Get A Recommendation From Their Friend, Because Their Friend Feel They Would Disgrace Him/Her If They Give Them An Opportunity.

Moreso, Have You Noticed That The People Who Are Creative, Productive, Diligent And Excellent On The Job Almost Get Away With Anything In The Company? Now You Wonder Why The Director(s) Never Get To Fire That Guy/Lady Despite His/Her Arrogant Demeanour. Or That Guy Who Seems To Always Disagree With What The Boss Says... Something Most Folks Wouldn't Try Knowing You'd Get Fired In A Blink Because They Know They Almost Not Relevant To The Company.

So Much For Being Diligent And Excellent... You Don't Have To Like Whatever It Is That You Do, But If You Must Do It, Let It Be Done To The Best In Excellence. Be So Good That When Your Name Is Been Mentioned At The Corridors Of Power, Even The Devil Can't Stop You From Being Selected.

No Doubt The Bible Says "Seest Thou A Man Diligent In His Business? He Shall Stand Before Kings; He Shall Not Stand Before Mean Men." (Proverbs 22:29).

BE DILIGENT AND EXCELLENT!

ARE YOU (REALLY) READY FOR A RELATIONSHIP?

Calling All Singles: Think You're Ready For A Relationship? Now Is The Time To Check In With Yourself And Determine Whether You Really And Truly Are Ready For A Relationship. Though You May Tell Yourself You're Sure You're Ready And Really Want To Settle Down With Someone, You First Have To Look At Your Behaviour- Not What You Say-Is The Truth-Teller.

When It Comes To You And Your Love Life, Your Behaviour Is The First Place To Start When Asking Yourself If You're Really Ready For A Relationship. The Only Way You're Going To Find And Maintain A Healthy Romantic Relationship Is If You Start It On A Reasonably Solid Foundation, Which Means That You Need To Have Your (Bleep) Together.

When You're Truly Ready For A Good Adult Relationship, Your Behaviours Will Reflect How Balanced You Are. Take A Look At Some Of The Requirements For Being Ready For A Relationship Below.

1. Your Church Is Not A Bar Or Nightclub:

Going Out To Bars Or Nightclubs Isn't Necessarily A Bad Thing Or A Deterrent To Finding A Good Relationship. The Issue Is More About How You Feel And Act When You're There Which Indicates Whether You're Really Ready For A Relationship. If You're Drinking A Lot When You Go Out, You're Not In A Position To Start A Good Relationship. Sure, You Can Meet Someone, But It's Not Your Best Self You're Putting Forward, So You're Going To End Up With Someone Who's Not Good For You. If You Love To Go Out But Want A Relationship, There's Nothing Wrong With It: Introduce Yourself To People And, When You Meet Someone You Like, Make Plans To See Them In A Different Environment.

2 You've Reflected On Why Your Past Relationships Didn't Work:

There's No Riper Time To Play The Blame Game Than When You End A Relationship. Everyone Loves To Point The Finger At The Other Person, But It Takes Two People To Mess Up A Relationship. When You're Really Ready For Another Relationship, You Can Look Back On Past Relationships And See Which Behaviours You Engaged In That Were Unhealthy And Counterproductive. What's More, When You Look Back At Those Relationships, You Don't Feel-Wait For It-Bitter. YOU Might Feel Angry At Your Ex For Good Reasons, But You Don't Feel Bitter (A Feeling That's A Mix Of Anger And Hopelessness).

3 You Have Retired From The Drama:

Not Only Can You Understand Why Past Relationships Didn't Work, You Can Now Safely Say- And Feel It With Emotion- That You Have Retired From The Drama That Comes With Bad Relationships And Are Ready To Calm Down And Have A Real Adult Relationship. When You Hear Friends Talk About Their Exploits With So-And-So Who Stood Them Up Or Their Fights Followed By A Crazy Make-Up Sex, You Sigh And Remind Yourself That You Have No Place For That Drama Any Longer In Your Life. YOU Feel Wiser, More Mature, And Know More Than Before What You Want And Need From Your Next Partner.

The Goal For Everyone Is To Match What They Say They Want With The Behaviour They Engage In, And That Is A Lot More Difficult Than It Sounds.
However, If You Look More Closely At Your Feelings And Your Behaviour, You Will Be One Step Closer To A Relationship That's Good For You. Just Imagine!