WHEN FIGHTING, ARGUING, YELLING, AND SCREAMING IS A GOOD THING IN A RELATIONSHIP/MARRIAGE

I Know This Is True For Me... Check Out And See If It's True For You As Well.

I Bet It Is...

Here Is What Happens...

One Or Both Of You Get Triggered About Something That The Other Says Or Does... You Defend And Argue Your Point...

Then You Either Withdraw And Clam Up Or Keep Trying To Prove You're Right By Getting Louder And More Insistent.

...And The Really Crazy Thing That Happens When You're In The Middle Of A Fight Or Argument Is That Little Voice In Your Head That's Throwing Its Own King Sized Temper-Tantrum.

In The Middle Of These Kinds Of Fights And Arguments, Very Often You Find Yourself Thinking Things About Your Spouse Or Partner Like...

"You Don't Love Me..."

"I Hate You..."

"l'll Show You. I'm Going To Have An Affair..."

"I Should Have Never Dated/Married You In The First Place..."

"My Mother Was Right About You, And I Can Finally See It..."

You Might Even Say Out Loud Some Of These Things That You Don't Really Mean (Just To Get Your Point Across) And That You Later Regret.

Your "Fight" Doesn't Get Resolved But Eventually The Two Of You May Ease Your Anger Enough To "Get Along"-- Until The Next Time.

Sounds Frustrating And Pretty Dismal, Doesn't It?

I Found Out That It Doesn't Have To Be That Way.

You Can Use These Arguments And Fights To Find Out What You Really Want (It's Usually Not What You Think You're Fighting About)...

And Get A Resolution To The Real Issue That's Underneath The Obvious Cause Of The Disconnection.

The Next Time You're In The Middle Of An Argument Or Out-Right Fight With Your Spouse Or Partner, Take An Energetic Step Back And Notice How That Inner Voice Inside Your Head Says All Kinds Of Crazy Things To You In The Heat Of The Moment.

Then Look Underneath Of All Of That Monkey-Mind Talk And What You Think The Argument Is About And Ask Yourself...

"What Is It That I'm REALLY Wanting Here?"

That's A Place Where You Can Communicate From Because It's Softer, Perhaps More True And Authentic.

If You Have Trouble Coming Up With The "Right" Words To Use During Arguments To Invite Your Partner To Finding A Solution That Both Of You Want, Then You Might Need To Work On Yourself, By Contacting A Relationship/Marriage Counsellor, Or Magic Words Programmes That Would Give You The Tools.

Looking Underneath The Self-Talk And Surface Conflict Is Also A Place To Build TRUST.

When You're Honest About What You Want And You Can Listen To Your Partner's Honest Answers, You Can Begin Building Trust Again If It's Been Broken.

Some People Think It's Not Good To Argue-- But I Say That It's Always A Good Thing When You Can Turn Disagreements Into Helping You Get To The Bottom Of What You Want And Actually Set The Stage For Feeling Closer And More Loving In Your Relationship.

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PRAYING AMISS

Its Often A Common Prayer Point To Hear People Pray Against Their Enemies. As Much As I Have My Reservations Regarding That, I Want To State That Not All Prayer Points That Is Called Directly Concerns You. Now Back To The Issue...

Most Times The Things People Pray For Are Totally Issues That Often Requires Common Sense, The Application Of Knowledge, Wisdom And Possibly A Change Of Attitude Or Character.

Imagine Someone Whose Bad Attitude Towards His/Her Customers In Business Has Made Him/Her Loose Customers And Potential Customers Alike. And As Such Business Starts Deteriorating. And In Church Or Mosque You Start Praying Against The Enemy Working Against The Prosperity Of Your Business. WHAT? Can't You See You Are Your Own Enemy? Seriously, Majority Of The People Who Pray Sometimes Pray SELF DESTRUCTIVE Prayers. That's Why Most People Don't Get Answers To Their Prayers. Because If God Was To Strike Any Enemy Dead On Your Case, He Would Just Strike You Dead.

What Majority Require As Solutions To Their Travails Is Sometimes A Major Self Reassessment, And Not Fighting An Enemy That Only Exist In The Person Of Yourself.

In All, I Do Not Underestimate The Power Of Prayers Over Any Circumstance. But Its Only Wise That We Know What The Problem We Are Addressing Is Before Praying. Because What Some Of Us Call Prayer, Is A Complete Disturbance To GOD.

Now Somebody Is Saying "Isn't It The Devil At Work In A Person That Makes Him/Her Act In A Certain Way That Makes Them Put Up An Attitude That Makes Them Loose Customers In Business?" Well, That To An Extent Is True, But Do We Now Say The Devil Is Responsible For Every Wrong We Do? The Answer To That Is A Capital "NO." Because Even The Devil Himself Would Be Saying To God... "God, Can You See Your Child Lying Against Me?"

The Truth Is That Most People Are Their Own Enemy, And The Devil Has Nothing To Do With It. Even If He Has, Isn't It Them Who Gave Him The Opportunity To Use Them Against Themselves?

In This Life, Wisdom, Knowledge And Understanding Is Very Key. That's Why God Gave Us Brains... So That We Don't Have To Disturb Him Unnecessarily Over Trivial Matters.

Therefore, Let's Endeavour To Know The Cause Of A Problem, To Decipher If It Is A Spiritual Attack, Or Something That Just Require Common Sense, A Change Of Attitude, And Good Reasoning. In That Way, We Can Be Able To Pray The Right Prayers.

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EVANGELISM GONE SOUR

WELCOME Ladies And Gentlemen To Yet Another Episode Of "MY 2CENTS."
YES Today I Want To Strike On A Very Sensitive Issue. Now Before I Start, I Want To State That Whatever I Say Its Totally 'My Opinion.' Therefore, I Wouldn't Entertain Or Tolerate Anybody Dropping Silly Remarks In The Comment Section... THANKS!

Now BacK To The Matter.
One Day I Was Hanging With A Group Of Friends Chatting And Laughing When A Couple Of Christian Evangelizer Walked In On Us. I'm Not Gonna Mention The Church They Belonged, But They Were Most Definitely Not Jehovah's Witnesses. Because Somebody Reading Is Already Thinking In That Direction. :-) SORRY!

"Good Day Young Men" The Man Amongst The Three Of Them Said... Now What Got My Attention Was How The Two Ladies Who Came With Him Looked At Us Like We Were Some Bundle Of Guys Who Were Lost And Needed Deliverance From The Devil's Camp. Why Did I Say That? Because I Was Wearing My Earrings As You Can See On The Pic Attached To This Post, And One Of My Friends Had A Tattoo On The Neck And Other Had On The Arm. While The Others Were Just Casual, But You Could Tell That We All Belonged To Various Departments Of The Entertainment Industry.

The Brother Continued "Do You Guys Believe In JESUS?" And We All Responded With A Resounding "YES." And He Went Further To Ask, "Are You All Born Again?" Once Again We Sounded Another "YES" Now He And His Partners Were Amazed At The Response. :-) Now Knowing It Would Be A Hard Time Starting Conversation With Us, He Then Dropped A Deal Breaker By Asking, "Then If You Guys Are All Born Again, Why Do You Have Earrings On? And Why Do You Two Have Tattoos On? Don't You Know Its Bad And A Sin? At This Juncture I Responded By Saying "Are You Here To Judge Our Appearance, Or You Are Here To Minister To Us The Goodnews Of Jesus Christ? Now The Two Ladies Were Becoming Uncomfortable. To Cut The Long Story Short, We Got Down To The Bible And After A While They Noticed We Were Also Armed With The WORD, And They Were Running Out Of Verses To Back Up Their Points. And So We Called It A Day.

Its Really Funny The Method Most Religious Folks Apply In Trying To Preach The Gospel. Do They Think Capitalising On What They Think Is SIN Is What The Gospel Is About?

The Other Day I Was Observing A Lady Who Seems To Be Preaching, Telling A Couple Of Ladies That Wearing Trousers As A Lady Is A Sin. And This Same Lady Was Wearing A Polo Top And A Face Cap. And What Crossed My Mind Was, "Look At This Lady Condemning Trousers For Women, And Yet She Is Wearing A Polo Top And A Face Cap... I Guess That Was Meant For Women!."

I Really Think Evangelizers And Preachers Should Mind The Real Business They Were Commissioned For, And Not Leaving That To Start Discussing And Sweating On Irrelevant Issues. Yes We Know Premarital Sex, Lying, Stealing And Cheating Is A Sin. But Coming To Tell Us That The Shoe And Cloth I'm Wearing Is A Sin Is Another Thing Entirely.

Some Time Ago I Was Invited To A Church By A Friend, And On Getting There, One Of Ushers Refuse Me To Enter Because I Was Wearing My Earrings. He Told Me To Remove It Before I Enter. Boiii! Immediately I Turned Around And Left. I Mean Is The Church Now For Perfect Pretenders Or People Who Are True To Serving God Just The Way They Are? Even If I Was That Bad, Why Not Allow Me Enter The Church First And Let The WORD Of God Change Me Overtime As I Keep Coming. Afterall, The Church Wasn't Made For Perfect People, But For Imperfect People Working Towards Perfection!

Infact, Most Of This Folks Involved In Evangelism Should Go Learn Properly How To Win Souls For The Kingdom. Because Majority Are So Unskilled And Have Lost Focus Of What True Evangelism Is. As What They Are Doing Is Hardening The Heart Of Potential Souls, Rather Than Winning Them.

If You Are An Evangelizer Reading This And You Are In Any Way Guilty Of Not Preaching The Right Message, Then Go And Learn What The Right Message Is And Then Teach It. And Not Bringing Up Doctrines And Personal Sentiments Into The Gospel.
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CONVERSATIONS YOU SHOULD NEVER HAVE ON A FIRST DATE

If You've Been Single For A While, You're Probably Used To The First Date Dance By Now: He Asks Where You're From Originally, You Ask About His Job. He Asks If You Prefer Red Or White Wine, You Ask About His Hobbies. It Usually Feels Like The Same Ol' Conversation Just With A Different Person, Unless You Stumble Across A Truly Magical (And Rare!) Amazing Date.

It Gets Really Old, We Know. And It Can Be Tempting To Rock The Boat And Bring Up Some Interesting Conversation Starters To Get The Banter Flowing.

But While You're Doing The Get-To-Know One Another Tango, It's Important To Not Step On One Another's Toes- Or The Possibility Of A Second Date Or Relationship- By Bringing Up Any Of The Following Conversations On A First Date:

1¤ TALKING ABOUT MONEY:

Depending On How Old You Are, Finding A Partner With A Steady Financial Future Might Be At The Top Of Your List. But If We're Honest, Nothing Takes The Fun, Energy Or Romance Out Of A Good Date Like Dropping The 'How Much Do You Make In A Year?' Or 'Do You Eventually Want To Buy A Home Of Your Own?' Question Prematurely. And Excuse Us, But It Might Come Across As A Little Gold-Digger Instead Of Potential Girlfriend Material. While You Might Be Curious To See Just How Much Student Debt He's In Or What You Might Be Getting Yourself Into, Keep The Topic Of Money Off The Table Until You've Had A Chance To See If You Want A Second Date. Plus- You're Just Fine Without Him, You Don't Need His Pay check To Have A Good Time, Do You?

WHEN TO TALK ABOUT IT: After You Are Officially Dating.

2¤ TALKING ABOUT EXES:

This One Feels Like A No-Brainer, Right? But Get A Glass Of Gin Or Red Wine In You And Suddenly, You Have The Urge To Tell That One Story About That One Time Your Ex And You Did Something... Completely Unrelated To Your First Date With A New Guy.

Discussing The Past So Early Into A Could-Be Relationship Is Like Throwing Water On A Flame That's Barely Starting To Fluster. While It's Natural To Have Thought About Your Exes From Time To Time While Dating (Everyone Compares!), Opening Up That Floodgate Brings Up A Guy's Insecurities, Jealousy, And Possibly Encourages Him To Talk About Ex-Girlfriends Too.

WHEN TO TALK ABOUT IT: A Few Months Down The Line, When You've Made It Official Already.

3¤ TALKING ABOUT THE FUTURE:

Okay, Okay, Okay, We've All Been On A Really Killer First Date And Allowed Ourselves To Retreat To Never-Never Land With Visions Of White Lace And Blue-Eyed Babies. (And Fine, Monograms Too.) But Here's The Thing:

Before You Put The Cart Way Ahead Of The Horse, Take A Breathe And Savour The Moment Of The First Date. If He Does Happen To Be The Guy You'll Spend Forever-And-Ever With, This Is Your Last First Date... Ever. So Enjoy It! Hold Onto Those Moments Of Awkwardness And Sweet Tension, And Don't Bring Up Where He Sees Himself In A Few Years. Or If He Wants Children. Or About His Plans. The Discussion About What's Next Will Eventually Come (It Has To) But For Now, Focus On How Cute That Dimple Is On His Left Cheek And How Your Heart Races When He Brushes By Your Hand.

WHEN TO TALK ABOUT IT: About Six Or Seven Dates In.

4¤ TALKING ABOUT FAMILIES:

You Might Talk About How Many Siblings You Have In A Cute 'You're Such A Middle Child!' Kind Of Way, But Bringing Up Heavy Family Topics (Like Sickness Or Feuds) Is Too Personal For The First Date. While It Might Not Seem Like A Big Deal To You, Family Matters Are Intimate Details That Shouldn't Be Shared With Just Anyone. In Fact, You Should Earn A Spot In Each Other's Lives Where Trust Is Fostered Before You Bring Up Things That Are Possibly Emotional.

Keep The First Date To Lighthearted Matters And Save The Heavy Stuff For When You're Falling In Love.

WHEN TO TALK ABOUT IT: After You're Officially Dating.

What Topics Have Turned You Off On A First Date?

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NEVER REPORT WHAT YOUR EYES DIDN'T WITNESS

Yezzir! How Y'all Doing GREAT PEOPLE... I Believe Y'all Are Having A SWELL Time.

YES, Its Not New That Majority Engage In Hearsay Everyday Of Their Lives. Infact, Everybody Does At One Time Or The Other.

The Problem With This, Is That A Lot Of People Report What They Heard Like They Were Actually There To Witness What Happened. Some Even Go The Extra Mile To Add More To What They Heard For Effect, And Even Argue When You Try To Prove Them Wrong.

I Mean What Do You Gain By So Doing? I Am Not Saying Its Not Good To Report What You Heard Somebody Said, But When You Are Reporting It, Endeavour To Clear The Air By Saying "You Are Not Sure If Its True, But You Heard." Don't Go Spreading What You Heard Like You Actually Witnessed It With Your Eyes Or Ears.

Moreso, There Should Be A Limit To What You Report As Hearsay, Because There Are Certain Information That Should Be Heard From You As Hearsay, Especially If The Issue Is Very Sensitive. Like Telling Someone You Saw His Wife Or Her Husband With A Concubine, When You Only Heard But Didn't See It With Your Eyes. Even If You Saw It With Your Eyes, There Are Skillful Ways To Relate The Matter. Not By Just Opening Your Mouth To The Four Winds Of The Earth.

NOW To You Who Is Being Told, Do Not Capitalise On What You Heard, Learn To Do Your Own Findings Before Jumping Into Conclusions. Because A Whole Lot Of What People Report Ain't Actually True. Its Just A Reflection Of What They Want To Be True.

STOP REPORTING WHAT YOUR EYES DIDN'T WITNESS. It Could Be Dangerous To You The Bearer And Oftentimes The Hearer.

BE WISE!!!
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