WHEN FIGHTING, ARGUING, YELLING, AND SCREAMING IS A GOOD THING IN A RELATIONSHIP/MARRIAGE

I Know This Is True For Me... Check Out And See If It's True For You As Well.

I Bet It Is...

Here Is What Happens...

One Or Both Of You Get Triggered About Something That The Other Says Or Does... You Defend And Argue Your Point...

Then You Either Withdraw And Clam Up Or Keep Trying To Prove You're Right By Getting Louder And More Insistent.

...And The Really Crazy Thing That Happens When You're In The Middle Of A Fight Or Argument Is That Little Voice In Your Head That's Throwing Its Own King Sized Temper-Tantrum.

In The Middle Of These Kinds Of Fights And Arguments, Very Often You Find Yourself Thinking Things About Your Spouse Or Partner Like...

"You Don't Love Me..."

"I Hate You..."

"l'll Show You. I'm Going To Have An Affair..."

"I Should Have Never Dated/Married You In The First Place..."

"My Mother Was Right About You, And I Can Finally See It..."

You Might Even Say Out Loud Some Of These Things That You Don't Really Mean (Just To Get Your Point Across) And That You Later Regret.

Your "Fight" Doesn't Get Resolved But Eventually The Two Of You May Ease Your Anger Enough To "Get Along"-- Until The Next Time.

Sounds Frustrating And Pretty Dismal, Doesn't It?

I Found Out That It Doesn't Have To Be That Way.

You Can Use These Arguments And Fights To Find Out What You Really Want (It's Usually Not What You Think You're Fighting About)...

And Get A Resolution To The Real Issue That's Underneath The Obvious Cause Of The Disconnection.

The Next Time You're In The Middle Of An Argument Or Out-Right Fight With Your Spouse Or Partner, Take An Energetic Step Back And Notice How That Inner Voice Inside Your Head Says All Kinds Of Crazy Things To You In The Heat Of The Moment.

Then Look Underneath Of All Of That Monkey-Mind Talk And What You Think The Argument Is About And Ask Yourself...

"What Is It That I'm REALLY Wanting Here?"

That's A Place Where You Can Communicate From Because It's Softer, Perhaps More True And Authentic.

If You Have Trouble Coming Up With The "Right" Words To Use During Arguments To Invite Your Partner To Finding A Solution That Both Of You Want, Then You Might Need To Work On Yourself, By Contacting A Relationship/Marriage Counsellor, Or Magic Words Programmes That Would Give You The Tools.

Looking Underneath The Self-Talk And Surface Conflict Is Also A Place To Build TRUST.

When You're Honest About What You Want And You Can Listen To Your Partner's Honest Answers, You Can Begin Building Trust Again If It's Been Broken.

Some People Think It's Not Good To Argue-- But I Say That It's Always A Good Thing When You Can Turn Disagreements Into Helping You Get To The Bottom Of What You Want And Actually Set The Stage For Feeling Closer And More Loving In Your Relationship.

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