IS THERE ONLY ONE PERFECT SOUL MATE THAT IS DESTINED FOR ME?

Do You Think Everyone Has A "Soul Mate" Out There Somewhere, That
Individual Who Can Complement You And Fulfill You Like No One Else? Is
There Just One Person Who Is Ideally Suited For Me?

Surprisingly, Many Singles Hold To The Notion-Either Consciously Or
Subconsciously- That There Is One Perfect, Preordained Partner. They
Were Made For Each Other, The Thinking Goes, And They Must Simply
Locate This Person Or Forever Feel Incomplete. This Thinking Is Fueled
By Many Hollywood Love Stories In Which A Man And Woman Are United
After A Series Of Near Misses And Obstacles. At Long Last, They Gaze
Deeply Into Each Other's Eyes And Embrace, Usually Amidst The Swell Of
Violins Playing In The Background Or Fireworks Exploding Overhead. And
They Know Without A Doubt That They-The Two Of Them And Only The Two
Of Them-Were Meant To Be Together.

Frankly, I Think This Idea Is More Fantasy Than Reality, More
Storybook Whimsy Than Real-World Wisdom. I Don't Believe That You
COULD Only Be Completely And Blissfully Happy With One Person To The
Exclusion Of All Other. Before You Call Me Unromantic And
Cold-Hearted, Let Me Hasten To Say This Should Come As A Great News To
Singles Looking For A Partner. After All, I Hear Dozens Of Singles
Every Week Complain About How Hard It Is To Find A Suitable Partner.
And If There Is Just One Individual Waiting For You Out There In The
Wide World, The Search For Each Other Could Take A Very Long Time. If,
However, There Is Not A "One And Only" Partner, A Whole Range Of
Possibilities Opens Up. How Did I Come To Conclude That The Soul Mate
Scenario Is A Fallacy?

As A Psychologist And Research Person, I Have Met With Dozens Of Men
And Women Who Were Convinced They'd Married "The Wrong Person," But
Then Went On To Create A Top-Notch Relationship. Of Course, I've Also
Met With Many Engaged Or Newlywed Couples Who Were Absolutely Positive
They Had Found Their Soul Mate Only To File For Divorce A Few Months
Or Years Later. What's More, I've Seen Hundreds Of People Whom I Knew
Could Have Been Happily Married To Any Number Of People.

Perhaps Most Importantly, An Extensive Research Study Completed By The
GREATMINDZ Institute Of QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS GROUP OF COMPANIES In
Conjunction With Dr. Warren's CLINICAL PSYCHOLOGY INSTITUTE Revealed
Why Some Relationships Succeed And Others Don't. This Study Examined
Five Thousand Married Persons And Especially Two Hundred Couples Who
Had "Highly Successful" Marriages.

We Found That There Are 29 Characteristics- Including Religious
Values, Ambition, Energy Level-That Determine A Couple's
"Compatibility Quotient." That Is, The More Two Partners Match On
These Critical Qualities, The Better Their Chances Of Staying Happily
Married. If A Man And Woman Match On A Preponderance Of The
Characteristics, Its Highly Likely That They Will Have A Terrific
Marriage.

Out Of All The Women In The World, There Must Be At Least 500 With
Whom I Would Match On All 29 Items. And There Are Probably Thousands
More I'd Match With On, Say 26 Or 27 Items And Still Be Quite
Satisfied." I Believe Soul Mates Are Made, Not Born. You Start With
The Ingredients For A Highly-Compatible, Successful Relationship, And
Then You Work To Develop Closeness And Intimacy.

Does This Mean You Lower Your Standards When It Comes To Finding A
Partner? Absolutely Not! It Simply Means You "Expand Your Field Of
Vision."