In Explaining The Different Stages Of Romantic Relationships. My
Takeaway: Don't Make Any Lifelong Decisions (Like Marriage!) Until You
Get To Stage Two. We Have All Been Exposed Over And OverTo Romantic
Stories From Movies And Television, And The Story Ends When The
Romantic Partners Finally Get Together And Live Happily Ever After. In
Actuality, This Is When The Real Relationship Story Begins. There Are
Several Stages That Relationships Go Through Over Time, But Most Of Us
Want The Happily Ever After- And Believe Our Relationship Should Be
Easy. This Is A Myth. Satisfying, Mature, Relationships Happen When
Both People Work Hard To Maintain A Sense Of Safety With Each Other•
There Are Few Stages In Love Relationships. These Stages Will Help You
Identify Where You Are In The Development Of Your Own Relationship.
All Three Involve Very Different Emotional States, So They Require An
Adjustment With Each Transition•
THE 3 LOVE RELATIONSHIP STAGES:
1• ROMANTIC LOVE:
You Are Driven In This Stage To Idealize Your Potential Partner. You
Experience The Emotions Of Joy And Excitement. The Novelty Of A New
Love Leads You To Think About Your Partner Day And Night, Imagining
All The Possibilities Of How This Person Can Fulfill Your Deepest
Desires. You Want To Spend Every Moment Of Every Day With Your Partner
In The Bliss Of Newly Discovered LOVE•
Here, You Should Remember The Saying, "if It's Too Good To Be True It
Usually Is." There's A Reason For This Adage. In This Stage Of
Romance, Your Brain Is Not Able To Access And Incorporate Red FlagS,
Or Flaws In Your Potential Partner. You Only See Their Potential And
How You Feel When You Are With Them. Your Brain Is Literally Addicted
To The Feeling Of Being In LOVE. In This Stage, You Biologically Lose
Your Brain's Prefrontal Lobes' (The Thinking And Logical Part Of The
Brain) Ability To Reason.
Romantic LOVE Is The Fodder Of Hollywood Movies And Stories. Romantic
Love Sells, And We Can't Get Enough Of It. But Media Representations
Of These Stories Give A False Sense Of What A Relationship Should Look
Like, And Set Us Up For Disappointment In Real Relationships•
2• REALISTIC LOVE:
As A Counselor, I Hear The Same Story Over And Over, "Our Relationship
Is Not Easy Or Fun Anymore." This Is The Beginning Of The Second Stage
Of LOVE Relationships, Which Is Realistic LOVE. It Is Most Often In
This Stage That People Get Stuck. Idealization Of Your Partner
Diminishes And You Begin To See Who Your Partner Really Is- And They
Begin To See You. All Your Flaws Are Exposed To Each Other And It Is
Here When Couples Start Really Being Challenged In The Relationship•
It Is In This Stage Where Couples Either Make It Or Break It. The Time
Frame For This Stage Varies Wildly. Some Relationships Are Ditched
Immediately, Others Endure Bickering And Unmet Needs For Many Years.
If You Only Believe In Romantic Love, Your Bubble Will Undoubtedly Be
Burst In This Stage. You Will Begin To Feel Cheated, Or That You
"Settled" For A Partner Who Is Not The Person You Fell In Love With.
You Will Begin To Feel Resentful, And Resort To Blaming Your Partner
For Your Unmet Needs. Thus Starts A Cycle Of Blaming, Hurt And
Despair. If You Feel This Is You, Contact A Marriage Counselor Sooner
Rather Than Later•
In My Experience, Couples Wait Too Long To Seek Counseling. They Live
For Years With Blame, Resentment And Hurt Before They Seek Help.
Sometimes One Partner Is Doing All The Work To Keep The Relationship
Together And Ultimately This Strategy Results In Feeling Depleted And
Frustrated. Eventually The Depleted Partner Will Decide They Are
Totally Done, And Their Partner Will Be Surprised When The
Relationship Ends. Some Partners Will Step Up To The Plate And Begin
Giving To The Relationship When They Realize They Can No Longer Just
Take From It•
There Is A Healthy Way To Transition Through This Stage Of Realistic
Love Relationship And Move To A More Mutually Safe And Secure
Functioning. I Encourage Any Couple That Recognizes They Are Living
With Negative Patterns Of Behaviour To Get Help With Their
Relationship. This Help Will Involve Learning About Yourself And Your
Partner At A Fundamentally Deeper Level. Find Out What Your Unmet
Needs Are, And Work To Feed Your Partner's Unmet Needs Too•
3• MATURE LOVE:
This Stage Is Marked By Safety And Security In The Relationship. Both
People Feel Fulfilled And Cared For By The Other Person. Isn't That
What You Want And Desire? The Only Way To Obtain Mature Love Is To
Work Through The Previous Stages: There Are No Shortcuts. In This
Stage You And Your Partner Know Each Other At A Deep And Intrinsic
Level. You Know Your Own Desires And Wounds, And You Choose To Accept
Your Partner's Desires And Wounds In Turn. In Other Words, You Have
Each Other's Backs- For Better Or Worse•
Every One Is Human And Makes Mistakes. Each Stage Of Love Is Wrought
With Mistakes; The Important Thing Is That The Two Of You Commit To
Working Through The Mistakes And Build Safety Together. In This Stage
Love Is An Action And A Feeling Word. No Longer Worried About Losing
The Relationship, You Can Experience This Type Of Love As Safe,
Satisfying And Passionate•
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