HARD- LEARNED LOVE LESSONS

While There Are Very Few Guarantees In Life And Love, One Thing's For Sure. Along The Road Toward Happily Ever After, There Will Be Plenty Of Bumps. But That Doesn't Necessarily Make The Journey Unpleasant. In Fact, Some Of The Lessons You Learn In Life And Love May Be Hard To Swallow, But Ultimately Make You A Stronger, Healthier, And Happier Individual. What Follows Are Some Hard- Learned Love Lessons. See Which Ones You've Already Encountered, As Well As The Ones You've Yet To Experience.

¤ SOME RELATIONSHIPS ARE TEMPORARY

When You Acknowledge That Some Relationships Are Temporary, You Learn To Stop Blaming Yourself For What You Perceive As Relationship Failures, And Instead See Them For What They Are- Valuable Life Lessons. With The Benefit Of Hindsight, It's Probably Clear That The Relationships That Ended Were With Partners Who Weren't Your Perfect Match.

Maybe Your Personalities Didn't Mesh, Your Goals And Future Vision Were Not Aligned, Or Your Priorities Conflicted. As Painful As These Breakups Can Be, They Happen For A Reason. Not Only That, But If You're Totally Honest With Yourself, You'll Admit That You're Much Better Off As A Result Of The Relationship And Breakup Than You Would Have Been Had You Never Experienced The Love And Loss In The First Place.

¤ LEARN/APPLY YOUR LESSONS QUICKLY

Just As Breakups Happen For A Reason, The Lessons You Learn As A Result Of Heartache Are Valuable As Well. For Example, You May Never Have Known The Importance Of Being With Someone Who Makes You A Priority Had You Not Gone Through A Relationship Where Your Partner Put Work, Friends, And Hobbies Before You. Or You May Not Have Realized The Importance Of Healthy Family Relationships Until You Dated Someone Whose Family Life Was Incredibly Dysfunctional. Not Only Is It Important To Identify The Lessons You Learn Along The Journey Toward Happily Ever After, But You Owe It To Yourself To Apply The Lessons Learned, Paying Attention To Red Flags As They Are Revealed To You In The Future.

¤ YOUR PARTNER CANNOT FIX YOU OR YOUR LIFE

Once Upon A Time, Women Were Raised To Believe That Prince Charming Would One Day Swoop In On A White Steed And Save Them From Whatever They Didn't Like About Themselves Or Their Lives. This Antiquated Fairy Tale Is In Need Of A Major Rewrite. In Fact, If Your Perfect Partner Were To Arrive In The Middle Of Your Messy And Miserable Life, Chances Are He Would Make A Hasty Retreat. Which Is Why It's Essential To Take Steps To Fix Whatever It Is That You Don't Enjoy About Your Life, Starting Today. If You Don't Like Your Job, Do Something About It. IF You're Burdened By Debt, Take Steps To Remedy The Situation, Day By Day, Week By Week. Don't Expect Some Guy To Solve Your Problems Or Rescue You From Your Everyday Existence. It's Just Not Going To Happen. Instead, It's Up To You To Rescue Yourself.

¤ FIGURE OUT WHAT REALLY MAKES YOU HAPPY

Since It's Unlikely That You Perfect Partner Will Magically Appear And Save The Day, It's Essential That You Figure Out What Makes You Happy- Today! Once You Do, Empower Yourself To Take The Necessary Steps To Change Your Life Accordingly. By Creating And Embracing A Life You Love, You're All The More Likely To Attract The Love Of Your Life. In Doing So, You Increase Your Chances Of Relationship Success, Because Both You And Your Partner Were Happy As Individuals Before Coming Together As A Couple.

¤ TIME BETWEEN RELATIONSHIPS IS JUST AS VALUABLE AS BEING IN A RELATIONSHIP

We All Know Someone Who Floats From Partner To Partner, Relationship To Relationship. However, This Kind Of Behaviour Is Not Something To Envy. Truthfully, Time Between Relationships Is Just As Important To Your Personal Growth As Time Spent In Relationships. By Taking Time After A Breakup To Heal, Learn Your Lessons, And Get To Know The New You That's Emerging As A Result Of Those Life Experiences, You Give Yourself The Opportunity To Grow As An Individual. PLUS, You Discover Your Own Resilience, Something YOU'd Never Experience If You Floated From Partner To Partner.

It's These Life Lessons That Ultimately Make You A Better Person And Eventually A Better Partner In Your Next Relationship. Don't Cheat Yourself Out Of Valuable ME Times Between Breakups. You'll Miss Out On So Much!
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CERTAIN THINGS MOST WOMEN PRETEND THEY DON'T LIKE... BUT THEY'RE LYING

Most Men Claim That Women Are Complicated And That They Do Not Know What They Want, But I Am Here To Set The Record Straight Once And For All. Women Are Not Complicated, Just Plainly Misunderstood By Most Men.

Most Women Know What They Want From The Minute They Meet A Man, They Just Pretend They Don't Because That Is What Most Women Do Every Day Of The Week- Play Mind Games.

Anyway, Here Are Certain Things Women Pretend They Don't Like, But Are Straight Up Lying About It.

¤ SEXY TIMES

The Truth About It Is That Many Women Are Closet Freaks. If They Are Really Into You, They Will Spend Most Of Their Waking Hours Thinking About Banging You, Than What You Would Spend As A Man Thinking About Banging Them.

The Problem Is That If A Woman Openly Admits That, She Is Immediately Labelled As Loose. Hence The Reason Why A Lot Of Women Pretend Not To Like SEX.

¤ GOING DOWN

Women Pretend They Don't Like Cunnilingtus, But Guys, They Do That Only When It Is Not Being Done Properly. If You Intend To Try It, Just Remember You Are Treading Into Uncharted Territory, So Get Some Decent Lessons. This Is Not Something To Try If You Are Not Properly Trained. If You Are Not Willing To Be Trained, Please Stay In Your Lane, This Race Is Not For You. If You Do Not Have The Stamina Or Neck Flexibility For It. Please Leave It Alone.

¤ DOMINION:

Women Like When Their Men Take Control. But Pretend They Don't Like Men To Be Their Bosses In Relationships Because Some Men Tend To Go A Little Overboard With Power And Become Control Freaks. When They Find A Man Who Tells Them Exactly What He Wants And He Is Decisive And In Control Of The Relationship, They Often Sit Back And Smile And Say To Theirselves, 'That's My Man!'

¤ THE PROPOSAL:

Women Pretend That They Don't Care Whether A Man Proposes To Them Or Not, But We All Know That Is A Lie. That Lie Has Been Perpetrated From Generation To Generation To Protect A Woman's Pride. Its A Defence Mechanism.

Most Women Want To Get Married, They Want That Monogamous Relationship. Women Who Often Say That They Don't Need A Piece Of Paper To Solidify Their Relationship Are Lying Because Not Only Do They Yearn For The Paper, They Want The Dress, The Cake, The Bragging Rights, The Facebook Pictures, The Whole Nine Yards.

¤ MEAT ON THE BONES:

Most Women Often Pretend That They Do Not Like Men With A Little Meat, But They Are Really Lying. The Fact Is That They Really Cannot Stand Scrawny Men. They Need To See And Feel At Least One Or Two Muscles Somewhere, Anywhere... What People From My Part Of The World Would Call "Six Packs" Lol :-D

¤ JEALOUSY:

Women Pretend They Are Not Jealous Of The Girlfriend/Best Friends That You Claim Is Just Your Friend From School Days Or A Colleague. Women Wouldn't Mind If You Were Their Only Female Friend. They Lie Whenever They Say They Are OK With That Friend, Because In A Woman's Mind, Every Other Woman Is After Their Man No Matter What Condition The Man Is In. That Is How Women Are, Very Territorial.

The Truth Is That Some Women Lie As Much As Some Men Do, And Maybe Even More, The Only Difference Is That... Well There Is None, Most Women And Men Lie Either By Nature Or Nurture.
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WHO SHOULD MAKE THE FIRST MOVE WHEN IT COMES TO SEX

I Know This Topic Might Look A Bit Awkward Coming At This Time. But Something Triggered Reasons Why I Should Talk About This.

I Was Following Up On A Similar Question Asked In A Certain Forum, And It Perplexed Me To See 98.9% Of The Ladies In That Forum Saying Its A Man's Duty To Initiate Sex Or Rather Make The First Move When It Comes To Sex.

Seeing Those Response Basically Confirmed The Reason Why Many Marriages Are Experiencing What I Call "Sexual Paralysis" Or A Complete Loss Of Sexual Intimacy Between Couples.

Most Ladies Act Like Their Bodies Is Made Of Wood And Stones, Hence They Can't Be Moved Or Feel Anything Sexually. I Mean, Why Does It Have To Be The Man Who Should Initiate Sex All The Time? For Crying Out Loud, This Is Somebody You Call Your Husband... Somebody You Are Now One Flesh With. So Why Bring In The "Girlfriend Attitude" Into Your Marriage? A Case Where Your Boyfriend Has To Be The One Who Should Make The First Move, Because You Fear That Making The First Move Could Make Him Think You Are Slutty Or Lose.

The Fact That You Are Both Married Should Throw The Question Of Who Should Be The First To Initiate Sex Outside The Door. Because You Both Are Free To Make The First Move When You Feel You Need Each Other Sexually. Just Imagine A Case Of You Dating A Guy, And Everytime You Are The One Who Always Calls... Wouldn't That Make You Feel Less Appreciated Or Wanted? Now Bring That Picture Into This Issue Where It Always Has To Be The Man Initiating Sex All The Time.

As Much As You Want Your Man To Make You Feel Attractive And Wanted, You Should Also Know That Men Also Want To Feel Attractive And Wanted By Their Spouse Too! So Don't Make It A Must Or Priority That It Has To Be The Man Who Makes The Move. A Lot Of Marriages Have Crumbled, And Some Are Experiencing Challenges Due To This. And The Worst Is That Most Women Don't Know What The Problem Is, Because Most Men Wouldn't Address Or Communicate The Issue Verbally, So As To Avoid Unnecessary Fall Out.

And How Do They Communicate This? You'd Notice The Man Would Gradually Start Slowing Down His Approach To Sex, And This Is The Point Where Most Women Start Thinking The Man Is Having An Extra-Marital Affair... Which Often Isn't True. However, The Situation Might Deteriorate To A Point Whereby The Man Might Start Keeping Another Sexual Partner, Not Because He Is That Interested In Having An Affair, But Because Some Other Lady Makes Him Feel Attractive And Wanted Sexually.

This Is Not A Good Reason Any Man To Start Cheating, But The Truth Remains That Such Things Can Trigger Most Men To Start Cheating. Don't Forget That CHEATING Is A Habit That Is Formed By Circumstances, And Circumstances Determines If It Will Continue Or Stop.

For Ladies Who May Not Want To Be Too Direct When It Comes To Making The First Move Sexually, You Can Start By Sometimes Giving Him A Long Look And A Knowing Smile To Get The Message Across...

But At Other Times You Also Need To Be A Bit More Explicit.

Try Whispering: "I Want You" Quietly In His Ear While You're Out With Friends, Sending Him A Cheeky Text Message At Work, Or Letting Your Hands Wander All Over Him While You're Watching TV, To Make Your Intentions Crystal Clear!

If You're Shy About It, A Long, Deep, Lingering Kiss Is The First Step To The Bedroom!

Send Him A Flirty Message When You're Both Out With The Same Group Of Friends. Getting A Hot Text From You While You're Sat Opposite Him In The Pub Will Have Him Jumping Over That Table To Take You Home.

Be Spontaneous, Don't Be Too Rigid Or Conventional, And Quit Being Too Religious When It Comes To Sex With Your Partner.

NOTE That A Marriage That Is Sexually Dysfunctional, A Marriage That Has Lost Its Sexual Attractiveness, A Marriage That Is Sexually Deficient, Is A Marriage Heading For The Rocks.

So As A Lady, Stop Being Too Sexually Rigid. Make Your Man Feel Sexually Wanted And Attractive, And You'd Marvel At The Wonders Such A Move And Gesture Would Do To Your Marriage That Has Lost Its Sexuality.

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GOOD TRAITS THAT MAY POINT YOU IN THE WRONG DIRECTION IN A RELATIONSHIP

I Believe Majority Of Us Are Familiar With The Idiom "Red Herrings". Well, For Those Who Don't... Red Herring Are Those Clues Or Events That Seem Important, But Only Take The Viewer In The Wrong Direction And Away From The Real Solution. In The Real World Of Dating, Red Herrings Are All Too Common. Traits And Things That Seem Important, Impressive Or Even Disappointing Early On May Turn Out To Be False Leads That Point Us In The Wrong Direction.

In The Early Stages Of A Relationship You Have To Make Decisions With Little Bits Of Information. So We All Look For Indicators To Help Us Choose To Go Forward Or Go Away. Some Of These Traits Are Good Indicators And Some Can Be Very Misleading. Not Because They Are Bad Things, Necessarily, But Because They Don't Tell You Much About Whether The Person Will Be A Good Partner For You. Putting Too Much Faith In These Litmus Tests Can Have You Wasting Time And Energy On Someone Who Was Never Really Right For You.

A LIFE DEDICATED TO FUN:

What If You Discover That Your New Guy/Girl Is Really About Fun, Frivolity, And Distraction. There Are People Who Work Hard And Play Hard, And Then Some Just Play Hard. At A Certain Point You'll Probably Want To Have A Sense That Your Good Time Charlie Has A Deeper Level And Deeper Goals Than Just Putting Food On The Table And Seeking The Next Thrill. Seeing A Person Once Or Twice A Week And Having A Great Time Can Be Intoxicating. MAKE Sure You Don't Let This Blind You To The Other Elements That You Need To See Before Moving Forward.

EXCEPTIONAL GIFTS:

Intelligence Can Be Impressive. In Fact, Some Of Us Have Left A First Date And Been Bowled Over By The Exceptional Brilliance Of The Person We Just Met. You Can't Help But Think, "Wow, That Person Is Really Smart, And They Are Attracted To Me?" It Can Feel Flattering And Increase Our Attraction. But Certainly, We Know That Truly Brilliant People Make For Difficult Partners. The Same Is True For Talented People. The Eccentricity Of Talent Can Make A Life Together Maddening. The Point Is Not That Your Exceptional Date Is A Bad Person, Waiting To Make Your Tougher, But Rather That You Shouldn't Be Dazzled By Their Gifts.

FINANCIAL SUCCESS:

Money Certainly Isn't A Bad Thing, But It Tells You So Little About The Person Who Has It. Some People Have Money Because They Are Willing To Work 80 Hours A Week, Eating And Sleeping Their Job. Is That A Partner You'd Like To Have? Some People Have Money Because Their Parents Left It To Them. They Have Never Worked And Have No Work Ethic. Is This A Person That Sounds Like A Good Partner To You? Some People Have Money And A Balanced Well-Ordered Life. It's Impossible To Know Without A Great Deal More Information.

THE JOKER:

A Jokey Person Is Quite Different From A Fun Person. A Jokester Is A Person Who Rattles Off One-Liners The Entire Night. You Get The Feeling They Could've Been A Stand-Up Comedian.

We All Like To Laugh, And Being On A First Date With A Joker Can Be A BLast, But Unlike Some Of These Traits That May Hide Unpleasant Behaviour, The Joker May Cause Trouble By Just Continuing To Be Himself. One Night Of Jokes Can Be Great. Two Weeks Of Jokes May Be Torture. Also, A Person Who Cannot Be Serious May Have Serious Issues That They Are Avoiding.

NO RELATIONSHIP BAGGAGE:

He's 38 And Never Married. No Bad Break-Ups. NO Angry Exes. No Past Heartache. It Seems Too Good To Be True. Maybe It Is Good, And Maybe It Means He Has Never Been In A Real Relationship. Maybe He Has Never Done The Hard Work Of Trying To Make A Relationship Work. Maybe He Just Runs Before It Gets Serious, And Maybe You Would Get To Teach Him All These Skills And Hope That It Works Out.

Baggage Can Be Annoying, But It Can Also Be The Proof That A Person Is Strong, Tempered, And Willing To Really Love You.

THE CHARMER:

It Is Graceless Age In Many Ways. We're Short On Social Niceties And Long On Convenience And Efficiency. So, When We Meet A Charming Person It Can Feel Wonderful. It Can Cause Us To Lower Our Guard And Look Past A Whole Host Of Issues. Just Remember, Charm For Your Parents And Friends Is A Wonderful Thing To See, But It's Just One Thing You Need To Know About Your New Person.

STATUS:

Most People Choose Their Mates Based On Approximately 5 Personality Traits. One Of The Five Is Status. Do You Feel Like The New Person Is Of Your Status In Life Or Higher? Women Tend To Value This More Than Men, But It Is Important To Both Genders. The Problem Is That Status, Unlike Some Things, Is Subject To Change. It Is Also A Product Of Behaviour- Like Financial Standing. You May Like That Your New Husband Is A Mover And Shaker, But Not Like He Plays Golf 20 Hours A Week To Be That Way.

LOT OF FRIENDS:

She Has Lots Of Friends. Good Thing Right? Probably. But It's Very Important That You Meet These Friends And See Her Interact With Them. IS It A Group Of Equals? Is She Too Eager To Please? Is She Dependent On These Friends? DOES She Want Them Around All The Time, Short Changing Your Alone Time? What If Her Friends Are Mostly Men? THAT introduces A New Series Of Questions. There's No Shortcut To Learning About A Person's Nature. Friends Are The Kind Of Indicator That Require Deeper Knowledge.

CLOSE WITH HIS/HER FAMILY:

A Family Person! WHO Wouldn't Be Thrilled To Be With Someone Who Values Family? Have You Ever Seen, Arrested Development? JUST Knowing That A Person Loves To Be With Their Family Is The Tip Of The Knowledge Iceberg. Will You Like Their Family? Will The Family Be In On Every Decision You Make As A Couple? Some Families Are Like Quicksand And Some Are A Blessing. You'll Need More Info To Know Which You Have.

REALLY LAID BACK:

If Your Life Is Harried And Hectic, Spending The Evening With A Very Laid Back Person Can Be A Treat. Their Entire Demeanor Puts You At Ease, And You May End The Night Feeling As If You've Had A Restful Meditation. This Is A Great Place To Start A Relationship. Its Important To Realise That If You Were To End Up Together This Super Laid Back Style Is Going To Need To Be Mixed With Some Proactive Energy. You're Going To Need A Spark. You're Going To Need Passion And Willingness To Make The Relationship Deeper And More Connected. If You Are The Only One Bringing These Things To The Relationship You'll Likely Resent His/Her Lack Of Initiative.

THE ATTENTIVE DATER:

Many People Dream Of Being With An Attentive Person, Especially If They've Spent Time Dating Someone Who Was Less Than Interested In Them. SO, If You Find That Your New Love Is An Attentive Person, That's Great. Just Don't Use That Trait As Some Kind Of Super Qualifier For A Deeper Relationship. Because What Feels Special And Attentive Early On, May Seem Clingy, Needy, And Sad Later On. You Want This New Person To Have An Interest In You, And To Have An Interest In Their Own Life.
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ARE YOU HAVING AN EMOTIONAL AFFAIR?

A Soul Mate Relationship Is Based On Trust, Commitment, And A Strong Desire To Be Together. Still, Despite This Bond, It's Also True That Your Hearts Will Be Stretched In Countless Ways. The Danger, Especially During Challenging Times, Is That You May Be Vulnerable To Having An Emotional Affair. This Can Damage Trust And Stop You From Surrendering To The Growth Needed For Your Relationship.

What Is An Emotional Affair? I Describe It As When You Turn To A Friend Or Co-Worker For Emotional (Not Physical) Intimacy. The Seduction Is That This Person Gives You What You Feel Your Mate Doesn't: Support, Ego Boosts, Empathy, Playfulness, An Undercurrent Of Flirting Or Attraction.

Initially, This Can Seem Innocent But You May Begin To Share More With This "Safe" Person Than With Your Mate. I Understand How It Can Be Easier To Talk To Someone Sympathetic Who's More Peripheral. You're Not Wrestling With The Same Hot-Button Emotions Such As Anger Or Disappointment That Can Arise With A Soul Mate. Your Dark Sides Aren't Engaged, Which Is What Causes Most Impasses Among Couples.

However, If You Keep Sharing With Your Special Friend And Not Your Spouse, Your Primary Relationship Will Suffer. You'll Become Distant, Less Present, And Therefore Less Able To Resolve Conflicts. Your Partner Will Sense Something Is Wrong. Basically, These Affairs Are A Form Of Cheating, And Like Any Infidelity Can Lead To Deception And Betrayal. In Fact, Research Reports That About Half Of These "Innocent" Liaisons Eventually Turn Into Full Blown Sexual Affairs.

With A True Platonic Soul Friend, There's No Deception, Hidden Sexual Agenda, Nor Is Anyone Diverting Your Emotional Energy From Your Primary Relationship.

How Do You Know You're Having An Emotional Affair?

Watch For These Signs:

You Withdraw From Your Spouse But Confide In Your Friend.

It's Difficult To Talk To Your Spouse About Conflicts.

You Feel Lonely And That Your Spouse Doesn't Appreciate You.

You're Frequently Online With Your Friend, Texting, Or Even Sexting.

You Believe Your Friend Understands You Better Than Your Spouse.

You Keep Your Friendship A Secret From Your Spouse Or Lie About How Often You Interact.

When You're Confronted With The Emotional Affair, You Deny It.

If Five To Seven Signs Are Present, It Strongly Suggests You're Having An Emotional Affair. Three To Four Signs Indicate That You're Either Primed To Have One Or You Already Are. One To Two Signs Suggest The Possibility Of An Emotional Affair. Zero Yeses Indicate That You Are Not Involved With One.

It Takes Honesty To Admit You're Having An Emotional Affair. The First Step Is To Recognise What's Happening. Then You Have The Choice To Either Continue The Affair Or Decide To Focus On Your Partner. The Truth Is, You Can't Do Both. If You Choose Your Partner, You Must Surrender To Doing What It Takes To Heal The Relationship.

First, This Means Cutting Off The Emotional Affair. In A Respectful, Clear Way You Must Tell The Other Person, "I Can't Cyber-CHAT, Text, Meet Up With You, Or Talk On The Phone Anymore. It's Not Possible For Us To Be 'Just Friends.' "

Then, Openly Talk To Your Partner About What's Causing The Distance. Is It His Or Her Long Hours At Work? A Lingering Hurt? Lack Of Affection? Many Therapists Recommend Confessing Your Emotional Affair. In Most Cases I Agree, But How And Whether You Decide To Do This Depends On What Will Be Most Caring And Helpful To Your Partner. At The Very Least, I Suggest That Patiently Lovingly Communicate, "I've Been Sharing My Feelings More With A Friend Than I Have With You. This Doesn't Feel Right. I Want Us To Be Closer." Or You Can Acknowledge That You've Crossed A Line And How Far You've Crossed It. Use Your Intuition As A Guide For How Much You Want To Share. But Be Prepared For Your Partner's Hurt And Angry Feelings.

Listen Without Getting Defensive. Then, Together Or With A Therapist, Begin To Address Where You've Grown Apart Or Shut Down. Despite Great Pain, Soul Mates Have What It Takes To Withstand Difficulty Until Things Are Resolved. It May Take Time, Awareness, And Love, But With Bonds As Strong As These, I Know It's Possible.

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